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The Cafe The Cafe

Would you call?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I found my father's number on my laptop that's a fews years old and I thought I lost it many years ago. I am debating whether to call that number to see if he is there. 

Some background info is: 1) He left a long time ago due to my mother making him leave. He was NOT a bad father, just a little irresponsible. I was eight and we kept in touch until I was 10.

2) He never tried to see me after the few times he did come around to see me and hang out. He said it was because my mother made him stay away, which to me is 50% bull because a parent will fight for their child. Not necessarily to KEEP the child, but at least to see them every now and then. Even my grandparents think my mom drove him away.

3) Luckily around six years later I was able to get a number from my mom and I spoke to him. I guess I felt slightly odd speaking to him and I did not make too much of an effort after that. He made an effort only one time to call and he left a voice message. I really regret not keeping in touch, but as I previously stated I just felt pretty odd with the whole thing.

Now, fast forward 10 years, I am married, I am not the same religion anymore and I have a toddler. I feel maybe I should try calling and forget everything that happened before and start over so he can know what is going on, especially that he has a granddaughter. I am so conflicted by this!

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
me-n-mygirls
by Shontell on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:34 AM
I tried looking into my bio-dad....
lets just say I was better before.

I wouldn't but I also understand the constant draw to call.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:42 AM

That's what I am afraid of...being worse than how I was before calling. Although calling the first time when I was almost 17 wasn't too bad, it was just weird and I did not feel good enough about the situation to keep it going. I kind of feel bad now so that's why I'm so confused. 

Quoting me-n-mygirls:

I tried looking into my bio-dad....
lets just say I was better before.

I wouldn't but I also understand the constant draw to call.


me-n-mygirls
by Shontell on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:49 AM
and what has HE done?? has he tried in any way to contact you... ever?

it is your call...
but if you are happy with where you are I would leave it alone. if you can't NOT think about it then you should call.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:57 AM

I would call. It does sound like it was your mom that pushed him away. 

Custodial parents can and DO succeed in pushing the other parent away sometimes. Yes, the other parent should fight but sometimes the situation gets the best of them, sometimes the custodial parent has more money or a better attorney, sometimes the non-custodial parent doesn't have the money or the ability/time away from work to be in and out of court to keep trying, to keep fighting a battle that they feel they just can't 'win'. Court orders and parenting plans only work when both parents FOLLOW THEM. 

**thinking about it more, has he tried to contact you at all since you were an adult? Yes or no, I don't know what harm it could do by trying. Yes, maybe you might feel worse but maybe you won't. Either way, you will have the answers your looking for, if he turns out to be someone you don't want to associate with, than at least you know and aren't left wondering any longer. 

honeydewmommy
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this

My mom kicked my dad out when I was 3 , He kept in touch till I was 5. About 5 years ago when I was like 28 years old, his new wife contacted me. It was the greatest, I mean all those years, he felt terrible, and he said that he was too ashamed to call us back. He didn't know that his new wife had actually looked for us kids. Wounds were mended, him and my mom even made peace. I have such a good relationship with him now. And as luck would have it, when she called me , we just moved to TX , he is only 6 hours from me. So we go there all the time,  Sometimes when we are young we make those stupid mistakes, but thats why there are always those second chances. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 14, 2013 at 4:45 PM

He tried in the beginning then fell off. He called one time and left a message after I called when I was 17. I just never called back after that. My phone got messed up so I lost my contacts and forgot all about the numbers I put on my laptop all those years ago. 

Quoting me-n-mygirls:

and what has HE done?? has he tried in any way to contact you... ever?

it is your call...
but if you are happy with where you are I would leave it alone. if you can't NOT think about it then you should call.


me-n-mygirls
by Shontell on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:06 PM
that's a hell of a lot more than mine!!

might be worth it. if not you KNOW to leave it..


Quoting Anonymous:

He tried in the beginning then fell off. He called one time and left a message after I called when I was 17. I just never called back after that. My phone got messed up so I lost my contacts and forgot all about the numbers I put on my laptop all those years ago. 

Quoting me-n-mygirls:

and what has HE done?? has he tried in any way to contact you... ever?



it is your call...

but if you are happy with where you are I would leave it alone. if you can't NOT think about it then you should call.




nurse1997
by Silver Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:24 PM

YES CALL WHAT CAN IT HURT GOOD LUCK CALL DONT WAIT ;] !!!

DragonInfinity
by Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:38 PM

 You never know until you take the leap.

Only once we surrender to the Mystery can it reveal itself to us!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 14, 2013 at 10:12 PM
I would call. Its worth the try. If u dont, u will always wonder, what if? Kwim?
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