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I must be a horrible mother for keeping track of my children!!! ETA

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I went to the pool with my 2 and 4 year old by myself for the first time.  A little bit about them - They dont listen ever,  I hate going anywhere by myself with them because it ends up being stressful and not fun.  My 4 year old likes to take off and go wherever she wants regardless of what you say and if you try to explain she screams.  (I do discipline for this - time outs taking toys away, and yes spanking  etc.  I keep doing it even though it doesn't work). 

Well, we were leaving the pool and I called out to my 4 year old several times before she got out of the pool, in the locker room I had to say her name several time and loudly because sometimes she is like a wall and ignores me completely.  I called out one time loudly because I couldn't see her (like I said she likes to take off and keep in mind I have a 2 year old with me as well)  She finally ansered me and I told her to come back to me and STAY BY ME in a FIRM voice (I didn't consider it yelling).  Also, my children are loud anyway, we used to live in them iddle of nowhere with no neighbors so loudness didn't matter at least at home. 

This lady was walking out, and she looks at me and says "that is way too much yelling, really, there are other people here"  OK, so I must be a horrible mother because I am calling out to my kids to make sure they are near!!!  REALLY!!  I am so confused as to why she thought too much yelling, me disciplining to keep my 4 year old near me or my kids yelling because they are having fun?  Which one?  I am still confused and just REALLY need to vent. 

What is your take?

ETA - I am getting a lot of responses about not yelling.  As I said above.  I was CALLING out to my 4 year old and I used a FIRM  voice.  I was NOT yelliing, hence why I am confused.  Yelling to me is with anger and screaming so loud you lose your voice.  That is yelling.  I had no anger and I was being very FIRM in what I expected of her. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 18, 2013 at 8:27 AM
Replies (21-30):
nova.mommy
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 4:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Sometimes that is the only way to get my kids to hear me. 

I'd tell her if it was her kid had disappeared from her, what would she do, whisper the child's name?

Jaycee878
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 5:58 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Actually I have noticed that children respond to whispers more than the firm voice or the yelling. Its enchanting, it's secretive, it isn't what she expects from you. Plus then she has to come close to hear you. Not saying this would work in a public pool locker room, those rooms tend to echo which is probably why the lady referredd to it as yelling.  But hey, its a public place, you need to do whatever it is you need to do for your kids. I wonder  what she would have said if you just ignored your daughter and didn't care what she was doing. She probably would have had some not so nice words to day about that.

Quoting Anonymous:

 I wasn't yelling.  I was CALLING out to my 4 year old and I used a FIRM voice to keep her near.  That is NOT yelling to me.  Am I supposed to leave my 2 year old to whisper out to my 4 year old?  Am I supposed to say in a whispering sweet voice (which doesn't work, hence why it was firm as this was the who knows how many times I have told her to stay with me in that sweet whispering voice)  to stay next to me?  She ignores it - trust me I use that voice first, then time out for not listening, then that voice again, then time out, over and over until the at least the 10th time then it gets FIRMER - not yelling. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

It's apparent by what you wrote and what the lady said to you that your parenting techniques are NOT working.  You need to re-evaluate your methods.  Maybe take a parenting class, but your kids should not be acting out at that age and you shouldn't be yelling.

 

 


 

opal10161973
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 6:06 PM
2 moms liked this
It probably sounded louder than you thought. Most of the locker rooms I have been in tend to echo, so everything sounds louder.
Katalina650
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 6:37 PM

Look into Love And Logic parenting.  It will outline exactly how to avoid your problems.

mumamy
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 9:19 PM
2 moms liked this

Kids can be hard. The woman who addressed you is an idiot.

What worried me the most is that you couldn't see your child...I literally hold my kids hands and don't let them out of my site in busy places (especially at 2 and 4). I'm not having a go at you.
Too many parents seriously dont understand how easy and fast it is to take a child ("I'm a good mum....it will never happen to me" thought process). If someone wants your child - they are getting your child. I was one of them and when I was doing everything right....it happened to me. 8 seconds ladies!!!! Scariest moment of my life!

If they misbehave we leave.  If my child was ignoring me I would literally but putting them in front of me making eye contact and telling them what I need them to hear when it comes to safety. My kids have very strict rules with public behaviour and manners. In my opinion they are reasonably immaculate but they do have their moments.
When they have a tantrum I explain to them often they are good so I need to see good behaviour so everyone can see how fantastic they are instead of thinking they never behave.
I often say  to them that I don't make rules to be mean or boning but that I want them to grow up and make good choices.

GrammaJane46
by Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 9:38 PM

Three chances???  You should leave the second time!!



Quoting Anonymous:

 Well if he "wouldn't let you" then he NEEDS to go with you and help you!!! Screw him, buy one and he will learn to deal with it! I would tell your 4 yr old that you are going to the pool, she is to stay with you and ASK before she takes off. If she doesn't listen you will give her 3 chances (1-2-3 magic) and then you will leave plain and simple as that. I have 3 kids under 6 and this always works for us.

Quoting Anonymous:

 Can you give me another method besides time outs, taking toys away, and spanking?  I have tried EVERYTHING.  She hs always been like this since she could walk amd consistently disciplined.  I wanted a backpack leash (even though I hate them) when she was littler, but DH wouldn't let me

Seriously - what is left? If you can give me any other option PLEASE tell me. 




Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jul. 18, 2013 at 9:59 PM
1 mom liked this

ok my take on this is i am right there with ya i also have a 4 year old and a two year old and they are both boys and do not like to listen some times but you can not keep them home all the time that just put more stress on you and them they need to be able to get out and do things even if they don't listen all the time and there is a huge difference in yelling and being firm. i would have looked at that lady and said excuse me but this is a public pool and at lest i'm making sure my kids are be having them selfs i paid just like you did so take your comments to some one who cares. but of course thats just me. i deal with that kind of a thing every time i take my kids to the pool. 

and not every kid listens all kids are diffent and need diffent styles of teaching good luck to you and your family eventually the kids will start being better and listen hang in there and dont let all the negative comments get to you but also dont let people run over you when you are being a responsible parent some just think ok run and do what you want and when you get hurt or some thing really bad happens they think they can blame everyone else b/c they didnt do their jobs as parents. 

sorry for my vent it just ticks me off how people acted towards those of us who do parent.

Quoting Anonymous:

I went to the pool with my 2 and 4 year old by myself for the first time.  A little bit about them - They dont listen ever,  I hate going anywhere by myself with them because it ends up being stressful and not fun.  My 4 year old likes to take off and go wherever she wants regardless of what you say and if you try to explain she screams.  (I do discipline for this - time outs taking toys away, and yes spanking  etc.  I keep doing it even though it doesn't work). 

Well, we were leaving the pool and I called out to my 4 year old several times before she got out of the pool, in the locker room I had to say her name several time and loudly because sometimes she is like a wall and ignores me completely.  I called out one time loudly because I couldn't see her (like I said she likes to take off and keep in mind I have a 2 year old with me as well)  She finally ansered me and I told her to come back to me and STAY BY ME in a FIRM voice (I didn't consider it yelling).  Also, my children are loud anyway, we used to live in them iddle of nowhere with no neighbors so loudness didn't matter at least at home. 

This lady was walking out, and she looks at me and says "that is way too much yelling, really, there are other people here"  OK, so I must be a horrible mother because I am calling out to my kids to make sure they are near!!!  REALLY!!  I am so confused as to why she thought too much yelling, me disciplining to keep my 4 year old near me or my kids yelling because they are having fun?  Which one?  I am still confused and just REALLY need to vent. 

What is your take?

ETA - I am getting a lot of responses about not yelling.  As I said above.  I was CALLING out to my 4 year old and I used a FIRM  voice.  I was NOT yelliing, hence why I am confused.  Yelling to me is with anger and screaming so loud you lose your voice.  That is yelling.  I had no anger and I was being very FIRM in what I expected of her. 



nurse1997
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:52 PM

I talk loud too but its not yelling to me either its just a habit I talk loud  - Really you probally did look a little crazy not  knowing where your kid was get a leash for your wrist your daughter sounds like a handful and they  need to stay ! 

midjet117
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:51 PM

 i yell out to my kids too. such is life.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jul. 19, 2013 at 12:09 AM

Its stupid to take kids that will not listen to a pool on your own. What if they both ran from you in different directions. I refuse to take my 3 kids to the pool because I worry my almost 2 year old will not listen. My other 2 children would listen because they know if they didnt we would leave and not come back for a very long time. You need to teach your kids to listen at safer places like the park or store.

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