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I must be a horrible mother for keeping track of my children!!! ETA

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I went to the pool with my 2 and 4 year old by myself for the first time.  A little bit about them - They dont listen ever,  I hate going anywhere by myself with them because it ends up being stressful and not fun.  My 4 year old likes to take off and go wherever she wants regardless of what you say and if you try to explain she screams.  (I do discipline for this - time outs taking toys away, and yes spanking  etc.  I keep doing it even though it doesn't work). 

Well, we were leaving the pool and I called out to my 4 year old several times before she got out of the pool, in the locker room I had to say her name several time and loudly because sometimes she is like a wall and ignores me completely.  I called out one time loudly because I couldn't see her (like I said she likes to take off and keep in mind I have a 2 year old with me as well)  She finally ansered me and I told her to come back to me and STAY BY ME in a FIRM voice (I didn't consider it yelling).  Also, my children are loud anyway, we used to live in them iddle of nowhere with no neighbors so loudness didn't matter at least at home. 

This lady was walking out, and she looks at me and says "that is way too much yelling, really, there are other people here"  OK, so I must be a horrible mother because I am calling out to my kids to make sure they are near!!!  REALLY!!  I am so confused as to why she thought too much yelling, me disciplining to keep my 4 year old near me or my kids yelling because they are having fun?  Which one?  I am still confused and just REALLY need to vent. 

What is your take?

ETA - I am getting a lot of responses about not yelling.  As I said above.  I was CALLING out to my 4 year old and I used a FIRM  voice.  I was NOT yelliing, hence why I am confused.  Yelling to me is with anger and screaming so loud you lose your voice.  That is yelling.  I had no anger and I was being very FIRM in what I expected of her. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 18, 2013 at 8:27 AM
Replies (251-260):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2013 at 7:34 PM

 I know there are a lot of posts on here so I will reiterate one i said already.  This is a snapshot, a moment in time.  No where did I mention what punishment was given for her behavior, no where did I mention any punishment in the past or what I have done to correct her behavior.  The point of this post was about the lady - not disciplining my children.  I was calling her to me like my mother would have done years ago when kids were able to play outside.  it happened all the time in my neighborhood growing up. The parents stick their head out the door and CALL their child's name to come home (not just my mom).  similar to me calling her to me in the locker room. 


Quoting Anonymous:

 But that's the thing . . . calling to her over and over (no matter the level of your voice) isn't "correcting her behavior".  At all.  It's just blowing hot air and making noise.  It's not a matter of how loud you were.  It's the fact that you were repeating yourself over and over instead of carrying through with what you said the first time.  In her mind you sound just like the teacher on Charlie Brown.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 Am I supposed to let her run rampant then, or repeatedly correct her behavior?  those are my 2 choices. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

I guess I might be annoyed too if someone had to repeatedly scold their children to follow directions... whether it was "yelling" or not... if it was loud, it was probably annoying to those around you... especially if your children were running around yelling and not listening. 

 

 

 

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:20 PM

 And we are going by several of the comments that you made about how your daughter doesn't listen, indicating that it wasn't just "this" situation (the snapshot that you refer to), but is an ongoing problem.  You have gotten lots of constructive feedback here from people who would like for the situation to get better for you.  I don't give a flying fig about the busybody lady at the pool and neither should you.  But use the situation as an opportunity to look at the big picture and see if maybe there are things you can do to be more effective with your daughter. 

Lots of people have offered you some great suggestions (though not necessarily "easy").  But honestly, you're very defensive and I'm not going to sit and argue with you over this.  That was never my intention.  I gave you my sincere advice.  You can either take it for what's worth and with the good will that it was intended or you can leave it.  It's no skin off my teeth one way or the other. The only people really affected by this are you and her and your other DD.   If you're honestly happy with the way things are going with her, then by all means, keep doing what you're doing.  If you're not, you've gotten some great suggestions.  Either way, I hope things improve with your DD.  And either way, I'm done commenting,  Peace to you.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 I know there are a lot of posts on here so I will reiterate one i said already.  This is a snapshot, a moment in time.  No where did I mention what punishment was given for her behavior, no where did I mention any punishment in the past or what I have done to correct her behavior.  The point of this post was about the lady - not disciplining my children.  I was calling her to me like my mother would have done years ago when kids were able to play outside.  it happened all the time in my neighborhood growing up. The parents stick their head out the door and CALL their child's name to come home (not just my mom).  similar to me calling her to me in the locker room. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 But that's the thing . . . calling to her over and over (no matter the level of your voice) isn't "correcting her behavior".  At all.  It's just blowing hot air and making noise.  It's not a matter of how loud you were.  It's the fact that you were repeating yourself over and over instead of carrying through with what you said the first time.  In her mind you sound just like the teacher on Charlie Brown.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 Am I supposed to let her run rampant then, or repeatedly correct her behavior?  those are my 2 choices. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

I guess I might be annoyed too if someone had to repeatedly scold their children to follow directions... whether it was "yelling" or not... if it was loud, it was probably annoying to those around you... especially if your children were running around yelling and not listening. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GertieK
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:29 PM

Human nature is to avoid actions that produce PAIN.  If a certain action ALWAYS results in more pain than the rewards of the behavior, the behavior will stop.  Every time she does not do as you ask, she must receive some kind of reprecussion that is painful.  By painful, I don't necessarily mean spanking - although that was my chosen method of discipline and it worked real well.  Not a pat on the ass.  A spanking.  Throw all the flames at me you want, but my kids only had to be spanked a few times.  Once they know you mean business and are not just an empty threat, they learn to mind.  They are now grown up, well adjusted adults with kids of their own.  We have a very close relationship.  Now we are friends, but when they were little, I was not their buddy.  I was the parent and they were the children.  I was the boss.  They were not.  When I see kids acting like you describe your kids, I see kids begging for some hard and fast no-nonsense discipline.  Take them to a pool knowing they wouldn't behave?  Not on your life.  Just tells them that they can act any way they want and will still get rewarded.  You have to make them miserable.  Might sound mean, but a little misery can be a great teacher.  YOU are the one who says she NEVER listens to you.  You are the one who said you took them to the pool even though you knew what she would do.  The first spanking my first child got was for running away from me to greet her across the street "grandma".  She could have been run over and killed - the street was a very busy street.  Teaching your kids to obey is important, but teaching them to respect you and your directions is even more important.  If you don't get a grip on this now, the older she gets the harder it will be for all of you.  Plus, she is teaching your younger child to disobey and disrespect you as well. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 25, 2013 at 8:48 AM

I think you should skip taking them places until they learn to follow directions, especially at the pool where not following directions could prove fatal. By taking them there when you know they're going to misbehave, I think you're encouraging them to continue to not listen to you. If you don't go for a while and then you decide to again, you can then say, "Okay, we're going to the pool today, BUT you have to do what I say when I say it or we will come home and not go swimming again, got it?" And then follow through on that.

valhallaarwen
by New Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 9:37 AM
1 mom liked this

Even if you yelled at her, that is your child and while it may get on my nerves, I can understand. Children sometimes do not listen.  At least you are concerned about your kids.  Yo are not a horrible mother, you care.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 25, 2013 at 7:04 PM

Or choice 3- have the expectation that your children obey you they first time and aren't wild and running all over the place. By 4 years old, she should know how to behave.  We have very strict rules in our home about public behavior... My son just turned 5 last week... he would never even consider running around rampant... he knows it wouldn't be acceptable in a public space. IF for someone reason he DID run around (I suppose every child has a bad day and are just not themselves) it wouldn't take my shouting out his name several times to get him to follow directions. 1 time would be enough.

Repeatedly calling out loudly to your child  isn't correcting the behavior... calling your child once, and if they don't obey disciplining the behavior right there on the spot it CORRECTING behavior...

Quoting Anonymous:

 Am I supposed to let her run rampant then, or repeatedly correct her behavior?  those are my 2 choices. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

I guess I might be annoyed too if someone had to repeatedly scold their children to follow directions... whether it was "yelling" or not... if it was loud, it was probably annoying to those around you... especially if your children were running around yelling and not listening. 

 

 


 

NDADanceMom
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 7:42 PM

I live in an area where people usually dont talk loud enough for the people around them to be heard.  When people talk loud it is considered rude.  In more urban areas it seems like its the norm to talk loud.  you should just be aware of the volume used around you if you dont want to look rude. 

LivysMama
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 9:52 PM

Lol I wasn't talking about the deeper parenting issues (whether or not they exist). I was just saying that the noise level was acceptable. I wasn't there to judge the rest or her parenting...just sayin' that I've been in pool locker rooms and heard people talking to each other in loud voices.

Quoting Anonymous:


It's not about the location (and whether or not its an appropriate place to be lous) or the other woman's comment.  Its the fact that it's clearly not working for her daughter.  She said her daughter never listens to her, which is creating a stressful, unsafe situation wherever the go.  So clearly yelling, calling, nagging and repeating herself over and over isn't working with her daughter.  (And honestly, it doesnt work for most kids because they just learn to tune you out). So she needs to implement some different strategies.  It's about making things better for her and her daughter, not about pleasing the crazy lady at the pool.  

Quoting LivysMama:

It's a pool locker room, not a library. I don't see the problem with anyone raising their voice.




TWoolford
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 8:24 AM
Yeah if she were my kid and 4 and I told her once to stay by me and she didnt listen then I would of pulled her bathing suit bottom down and spanked her butt and I guarantee she would probably start crying but she would for sure know im not kidding and wouldnt even think to run off again
alc4evermom
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 8:52 AM

I don't like my son to wander off too far, and a ladyatbthe store a few nights ago looked at me weird for scolding him when he ran out of this cooler really fast----I didn't yell though. I don't really care what people think.  

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