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Was your peace offering ever rejected? Unbelievable story about toxic mother!

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:42 AM
  • 5 Replies

Thank you for reading. I'm looking for some thoughts on how to deal with this hairy situation:

Two years ago, we moved to a nice subdivision down south with plenty of kids. Our boys, M & R are 4 and 5 - the same age as some of the neighbors' kids. During our first year, Sue across the street went out of her way to befriend me - and our kids (all boys) got along fine...some play dates, etc. We were never BFF, but friendly. Not saying I'm perfect in any way, but there were traits of Sue that sent up a red flag from the start: always had something negative to say about other neighbors, monopolized conversations, constantly complaining about chronic health issues, very self-centered, never smiled...just a lot of emotional issues.

Fast forward and a new neighbor moves next to Sue and seems to have some of the same traits Sue has, and attaches herself to Sue at every turn (birds of a feather?). The new neighbor (who also has a boy around our boys' age) is aloof and basically ignores us. Whenever she's outside with Sue, Sue now ignores me. OK - whatever, maybe they have a mutual admiration thing going. I'm really not looking for best friends anyway.

Sue and I end up having a falling out because she said something inappropriate and mean to my child that I didn't appreciate, and I called her out on it (don't want to get into detail, but you'll just have to trust me that I have the moral high ground here). So we don't talk for several weeks (even though we're both outside with our kids playing, which is very awkward). I try to break the ice by making small talk to no avail...this lady seems intent on holding a grudge.

More drama ensues when I converse with the new neighbor (Sue's new best friend) about an issue regarding our kids and she becomes offended. Perfect, now Sue makes this her issue too. So now Sue, her husband and the new neighbors form a petty alliance against me and hubby and it seems like they're keeping their two boys from interacting with our boys.

Finally, I decide to be the bigger person, knock on Sue's door, and attempt to extend a peace offering so that we can put this nonsense behind us. Sue wants no part of this. She explodes into a tirade, accusing and blaming me for everything that went wrong and that we have the whole neighborhood on edge because of our actions. Huh??? She ends her tirade by saying "this situation has gone too far and is beyond repair". It really is pure evil the way this lady reacted and tried to twist things around. My husband and I were stunned that a person can be so viciously mean and callous towards another person who went out of their way to be humble and bury the hatchet.

Anyway, since this incident, these two couples (whom incidentally, Sue also used to backbite before they became BFF) have been shunning us and intentionally trying to exclude our boys. We don't even want to go outside to play because they ignore us, turn their back to us, and make us feel uncomfortable. Believe me, the parents have demonstrated themselves to be first class a$$holes who I really could care less if I ever talked to again, but it's my boys that I'm concerned about because they really like playing with their boys. There are other kids in the neighborhood, so we've been trying to circulate elsewhere, and get their minds off of playing with these neighbor boys. The only problem: these people and their kids are always outside across the street in full view. When my kids see them, they want to go over and play with them (uhg!)

Any advice on how to deal with this toxic mother and her posse, as I could see them being a thorn in our sides and I don't want this drama to spread to other neighbors, and ultimately filter down to our boys being excluded from parties and the like. Since it happened we have taken the high road and have not engaged in any type of gossip about it or attempted to put our side of the story out there, hoping that people will eventually see through these people for what they are...but I wonder. Thank you for the long read and any helpful advice you can offer.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:42 AM
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Replies (1-5):
STVUstudent
by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:53 AM
1 mom liked this

Tough one.  I would say, continue to be beyond reproach... no gossip, no drama... just be nice, normal people and cultivate other relationships within the community.  Your kids are a little young to understand, but when they want to go play, just tell them, they don't want to play with us.  Sucks, but you don't want to lie to your kids or make excuses for bad behavior.

N_maricle
by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:04 AM

I'd say there is nothing you can do to make her be nice to your kids. They might have to learn the difficult life lesson that there are some people who you just stay away from. The moms attitude will spread to her kids.

LDavis33
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:06 AM
1 mom liked this

This is good advice.  

I wouldn't worry too much about the other neighbors being sucked in to the drama.  Most adults will see them for who they are.  And if they don't, they probably aren't the type of people you want to be friends with.

As for your children, make sure your explanation is age appropriate and something that you wouldn't mind them repeating (chances are they will). 

Quoting STVUstudent:

Tough one.  I would say, continue to be beyond reproach... no gossip, no drama... just be nice, normal people and cultivate other relationships within the community.  Your kids are a little young to understand, but when they want to go play, just tell them, they don't want to play with us.  Sucks, but you don't want to lie to your kids or make excuses for bad behavior.


Melissa_4
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:30 AM

I have no advice for you.  This is why my husband hates neighbors, and why we have a quarter mile long driveway, down a mountain.  We don't have to see or deal with neighbors where we live.  Planned communities suck when you've got nuts living in them.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but short of moving there is no remedy.

nurse1997
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:43 AM

STAY AWAY ITS THAT EASY AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT !!!

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