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The Cafe The Cafe

Why is moving on so hard?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies
Hi ladies,

I'm going through a divorce. We've only been married over a year. I know the judgments I receive are that it's so soon. Especially because our daughter isn't even a year yet.
But my husband lied repeatedly to me. He grew close to a female coworker, whom I never met to this day. I felt my husband grow distant. I had my suspicions. And after I checked the phone records, I had seen they had been sending each other pics around 2 am and almost every hour he was texting her. He claimed she had stomach cancer and she was sending him pics of her X rays.
More lies were discovered. She gave him. ntimate sticky notes that said "Push me up against a wall and kiss me like you mean it" as well as "I love you! Can't wait to see you Saturday." I found the notes in his underwear drawer. He claimed she had given him the notes because she was embarrassed to give them to a coworker she had a crush on. I didn't believe it. Then a friend sent me a picture of him at that girl's house. That girl posted it on her Facebook page, which she blocked me from so I couldn't see anything on her page. She had been calling my husband her bff. It turns out I found out on my college graduation when he asked if he could go out with a friend from high school, he had partied with her. I have pics of them at a bar that a friend sent me.
After I signed the divorce papers the week of father's day, he took the other girl out that same weekend and has been out with her ever since.
What is sick is she has the same name as me and they both claim to be friends.
I was willing to do counseling with him after we had separated for a few days. But during the time apart, I found out he had lied to me again about his where he was. He claimed to be at a car wash at around 1 am after claiming he had fallen asleep at the apartment we had. He cancelled our counseling session after I questioned his whereabouts

It was embarrasing that our marriage didn't last. I blamed myself at first but realized he messed it all up. He didn't uphold his commitments and crossed many boundaries. It was also embarrasing to see that he moved on. It was also infuriating. I wanted to believe he wouldn't cheat but all the evidence leads to it and he disrespected me by lying and breaking our trust.

This divorce has me with up days and down days. I wanted my daughter to have a family sense in her life and all I can pray now is she understands why I left. Why would I spend the rest of my life with someone who can't change and someone who continues to lie to me? Even if he didn't cheat, which I find hard to believe, he crossed too many boundaries.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 25, 2013 at 8:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
BabyBearsMom608
by New Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 9:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Im sorry sorry . I couldn't imagine. Glad you didn't stay to be stepped on though.
nurse1997
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 10:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry sweets he sounds like he's moved on a  long time ago now it's your turn !

hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 2:15 PM
2 moms liked this
Good for you for leaving the scumbag, some woman stupidly stay.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 26, 2013 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this
With that guy I would be hurt but have no trouble moving on from that loser.
mollgirl59
by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 3:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I am sorry for what you are going through. You are definitely better off without him though.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 26, 2013 at 5:18 PM
Thank you ladies. Your words encourage me to keep moving.
foreverealty
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:50 AM
1 mom liked this
How could someone that is supposedly dying of stomach cancer be able to cause so much sadness to another and wreck a home? I usually thought that when one is dying he/she will be doing a lot of good for I believe there is last & final judgment. There is life after death & everything is recorded in our book of life. That's my belief.
wickedstepjenn
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 2:20 AM
1 mom liked this
I divorced my sons father 1 yr to the day. It was hard but I assure you it will get better. I'm now with a wonderful man. I'm so glad I didn't stay with the ex. My son grew up safe and happy. He wouldn't have had that if I had stayed and nor would your baby if you had. Chin up it will be ok! Hugs
SWEET737
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:17 AM
1 mom liked this

I am so glad you decided to leave when you did. I am also glad you realized it is not your fault. He is the one that have the issues and he will not change until he wants to. The only thing you can do is move on slowly but surely and try to make a better life for you and your daughter. It is good you did not stay there and let your daughter grow up around some one that is obliviously disrespectful and dishonest to their mother. If you had decided to do that, she may think it is okay for men to treat woman any kind of way and she may put up with the same behavior. So good for you. Know that you and your daughter deserve much better. You will find some one that loves and respects you(and your daughter) just like you love and respect them. But in the mean time, continue to work on yourself . Try to keep your self occupied with other things so you won't be worrying about what he is doing or what he has going on. Some men don't know a diamond(you) when they see it. Continue to shine. Everything you go through is not meant to break you but to make you and you will get through this on TOP!!! God bless you and your daughter.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this
I know how you feel op. My ex was also cheating. And some co workers and negihbors would see him with the other woman. How embarrasing? Because i was still with him. I would have left sooner but i was embarrassed as to what ppl would think. And my silly thinking i didnt want the other woman to win. Men like that a never change. And i believe he was cheating on me since day 1. Its hard. And very embarrasing. But u must move on. God has someone better for you. I still am angry how he wasted my time. And how i felt he never truely love me. To hurt me beyond repair. But im also a believer that everything happens for a reason. Maybe i had to go through this, to appericate my new man. It all work out. Stay strong! And GOD BLESS YOU!
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