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The Cafe The Cafe
I am completely irritated and annoyed by my oldest sons father. Our son is starting school soon and he has refused to help get any of the school supplies or school clothes. I find it annoying because he is our sons father and he should also be responsible for our son. Also he cancelled visitation so he could go to a BBQ. This is why I get annoyed because everything comes before our son. I told him this and he called me a bunch of nasty names. How should I handle this situation?
by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 9:30 AM
Replies (11-20):
ingrid198
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 12:55 PM

 Do you have any visitation/ child support agreements in writing or court ordered?? If not, unfortunatly you get the respomsibility of being the only mature adult and parent. I have had similar situations with my DS's dad. I would stress the importance of these finances and that you really need the extra help.. if he still will not obide id take him to  court and make sure his child support/ assistance was takem out of pay checks!

sunflower37
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 1:33 PM

Just put him on child support and you won't have to deal with this.

AAP1988
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 1:37 PM

I do get child support. 


Quoting sunflower37:

Just put him on child support and you won't have to deal with this.



Momofmenagerie
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 1:43 PM
I stopped talking tony son's father. Everything is texted or email no verbal contact with me, he may call to speak to our son and he is responsible for telling him he isn't coming. Period. Written communication helps with the courts should some form of " she's not doing blah blah."comes up
AAP1988
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 1:48 PM

It's not the fact I get annoyed that he is not that involved. It doesn't bother me it's the fact that he thinks he is a good dad that annoys me. He never even calls our son to talk to him, never attends parent teacher conferences. Nothing....But he considers himself a good dad. 


Quoting Momofmenagerie:

I stopped talking tony son'sed father. Everything is texted or email no verbal contact with me, he may call to speak to our son and he is responsible for telling him he isn't coming. Period. Written communication helps with the courts should some form of " she's not doing blah blah."comes up



NDADanceMom
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 1:50 PM

 I handle the door on my own LOL.  The point is this lady comes here daily, multiple times daily, to post about her x.  She is obsessed and complains about the same things all the time.  Her life revolves around her x.  She wants the whole world to tell her she is perfect and he is terrible.  She can not move forward in her life because she fixates on what should be rather than working on what it is. 

She needs therapy but she only wants to be told that he is a jerk.  Anything else is ignored.

Quoting jazz54:

Dear "annoyed"  I'm like you-I do like people to just have common curtesy and do things like hold a door open.  It makes the world a more pleasant place when people care about each other.  But, I gotta tell ya, to hear that you repeatedly go to store then just leave (if I'm understanding it correctly) day after day sounds assanine. It really sounds crazy.  You need things at the store, go there, then leave again because someone didn't hold the door for you>  This is a ritual you go through all the time just because a rude person didn't hold a door ?  Really?  I'm sorry-this isn't to be mean, but I really think you need professional help.  It's actually hard to believe what you're saying.  If that's really what's happening you need a psychiatric consult and possible inpatient thapy and/or meds to help you think straight.  In a perfect world everyone would hold the door for another person who seems to need it.  But if they don't-oh well.  It just doesn't make sense to deprive yourself of whatever you needed at the store or whatever you're doing.  I was first inclined to think you were joking when I read this.  Get professional help-you need it.


 

Momofmenagerie
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 2:07 PM
You just have to let it go. Your resentment will not change his lofty opinion of himself. You continue to be the best mother you can and put him out of your mind.

Getting worked up over something you can't change is a waste of energy you be using in a positive way.

I go through this, too. I've learned the resentment is just a waste.


Quoting AAP1988:

It's not the fact I get annoyed that he is not that involved. It doesn't bother me it's the fact that he thinks he is a good dad that annoys me. He never even calls our son to talk to him, never attends parent teacher conferences. Nothing....But he considers himself a good dad. 



Quoting Momofmenagerie:

I stopped talking tony son'sed father. Everything is texted or email no verbal contact with me, he may call to speak to our son and he is responsible for telling him he isn't coming. Period. Written communication helps with the courts should some form of " she's not doing blah blah."comes up





Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 21, 2013 at 12:58 AM
My ex is so far behind in child support at this point, I doubt he'll ever catch up. I don't depend on him for anything. I have single handedly my raised our 4 children on my own for the past 10 years. He hasn't seen our kids in over a year & he lives less than 10 miles from us. It's time for you to stand on your own two feet & realize some parents are deadbeats. I feel bad for your child, because he doesn't understand why his father cancels visitation for selfish reasons. Take him to court for child support, and set up visitation. This way it's on record what he owes your child. It will eventually catch up to him. Do the best you can on your own, or talk to his school about programs that may be able to help you with purchasing school supplies or anything else you may need help with. I wish you luck. I know from experience how hard it is to have to do it all alone.
RysGram
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:05 AM
If he pays his child support, then why are you complaining?? He's holding up his financial end of this bargain. It's sad that he's not physically there for his son, but you can't force him to be involved.


Quoting AAP1988:

I do get child support. 



Quoting sunflower37:

Just put him on child support and you won't have to deal with this.





famiglia_bella
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 1:06 AM

You keep it moving.  You probably got the best of him, there's nothing to do but do it yourself.

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