less than stellar dad

[AAP1988]

My oldest sons  father texted me today he texts me pretty much every day justt to start trouble. He told me in text that he will be taking our son next weekend I texted him back and told him politely no that it is not his weekend, he canceled last weekend so he could go to a BBQ. I told him he needs to wait for his next scheduled visit. He started swearing at me.

Next he demanded that when our son gets his class pictures done he wants me to pay for the package and get the package that has enough pictures in it for both sets of families. I told him I am getting the package thats big enough for my family and I and if he wants a bigger package he can go half with me or order his own package. 

He is still carrying on about our sons birthday party his family and him do not get along with each other and honestly would cause disaster also he doesn't want to help with cost for the party so I told him it's best we do our own things for our sons birthday continued to swear....I just do not know what to do or how to handle this situation anymore. 

[dingysfamily]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this.  When my dh & I divorced we didn't have all this hostility, at least for the most part.  Our My former mil was bitter, but then we just ignored her; my former fil was totally the opposite and he, my ex, and my current dh all pretty much got along.  My former fil is gone now, as is my dad; but they were all included in our son's birthday celebrations.  My ex & I still continue to get along for our son's sake and our son is now 41; we do it for the sake of our grandchildren.  When our son was younger, things like pictures were a shared expense.  I just find it hard to understand why the adults can't do what has to be done to get along for the sake of their children.

[AAP1988]

IMO sometimes its not possible to get along for the sake of the children. I try to get along with him and I explain kindly that if he wants pictures and things like that he needs to be able to get them himself. Yes I believe it's important to get along for the child but not to the point where the ncp is walking all over you and not taking responsibility. 

Quoting dingysfamily:

I'm sorry you are having to go through this.  When my dh & I divorced we didn't have all this hostility, at least for the most part.  Our My former mil was bitter, but then we just ignored her; my former fil was totally the opposite and he, my ex, and my current dh all pretty much got along.  My former fil is gone now, as is my dad; but they were all included in our son's birthday celebrations.  My ex & I still continue to get along for our son's sake and our son is now 41; we do it for the sake of our grandchildren.  When our son was younger, things like pictures were a shared expense.  I just find it hard to understand why the adults can't do what has to be done to get along for the sake of their children.

[Anonymous 1]

Ugh sounds like BM in our situation. She expects DH and I to pay for EVERYTHING and when BM want to visit we're expected to drop everything we have planned and then she wouldn't show up, she'd go out and party instead. We'd plan vacations and BM would pitch fits if SHE wasn't invited lol, she felt that it was DHs responsibility to finance it LMBO. We got pictures done and she demanded to be included in them, then threatened to put her hands on me if I was in the pictures with SD. So ridiculous.

It got so bad that DH had to go back I court and because BM was constantly not showing up for her visits the judge ordered that all visitation is up to DHs discretion and BM must be able to provide a safe environment/ must be sober. She currently has no overnights and has supervised visits because of her actions.

Sorry you're having to deal with that... :(

[fanci64]

Don't talk to him about shit. Have your children taken by a neutral person to the visits. When the children go visit send copies of any information from school that you think he should have and leave the burden on him to show up or pay for whatever he wants. Don't play his game. Been there done that. I would tell him if he can't talk to you in a respectful and appropriate manner that you will be blocking his number and there will be no more communication at all. Keep all the text so if you must go to court you have the proof of his carp.