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What to do ?

Posted by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:32 PM
  • 10 Replies
My son is almost four and i have to be honest he is a very stubborn kid but very sweet he just gives anyone a hard time , u know following rules listening to the do and donts . so in the summer he had a month in the school he is going to now and they found him stubborn so when he started school they said we will only do one month and see how it will turn out. so he started preschool just five days ago and the first three days were kinda ok but the last two days after and hour or so i get a call from his teacher to come pick him up because he refuses to go time out and keeps getting up from the chair and refusing to go back and she finds herself occupied by him and of course i understand that it takes time from the other kids And now i am so worried tgat at the end of the month they will tell me that it eont work out i am actually worried that if this keeps happening the next few days that they will ask me to stop bringing him . I just want him to go to school to boost his language he is a little delayed and he really likes it and he gets excited when we go to school , i have read three books on how to deal with strong willed kids i just want advice i dont know what to do and is it gonna get better with him he is sweet cuddly and kisses and everything but very verystubborn i just wabt to know does anyone have a kid like mine and does it get better and how do u deal with them and how do u make them listen. Because i feel so alone in all this , all the kids i have seen are just so easy going and calm . Help fast plz
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:40 PM
You need to get strict and consistant with discipline at home. Shoukd have a long time ago. Pick a discipline and stick to it. Let him know you are the parent, not him.
Bobbos
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:45 PM
I actually do thats whats frustrating to me i have been always consistent and i never broke a rule just to let it go i never did the rules have been the same for te last three years and i never give in to the whining or the crying thats y i am frustrated whenever i read a book i just find that i am doing the same thing but it is just not working he will listen to me and then after 2 to 3 min he will just go back to the same thing
Crystaa
by Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this
Yep kinda sounds like my son haha but its not that bad in school more at home. He is also very stubborn and sometimes i feel like crying because i am so tired after work and all i want him to do is just walk with me up the stairs so we can relax inside! Almost everyday he will stand by the stairs and tells me he dosnt want to go that way and starts throwing fits! I have tried to get down on his level to speak to him, put him to timeouts ect. Now i just let him scream it out until hevis ready to come up. I watch him from the door and he is getting better everyday. Now he comes up, gives me a hug and tells me he is sorry :) so maybe you just have to figure out what works best for your son..best of luck :)
Bobbos
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 9:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks i hope so i am hoping when he gets more language and alittle older that he will be better
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 28, 2013 at 11:27 AM
1 mom liked this
Talk to your pedia. When ours saw how my grandson behaved she suggested a preschool that specialized in behavior therapy. You are only allowed to attend as long as needed, but the difference it has made has been miraculous. Bonus - it is covered by insurance
975Mom
by Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 12:29 PM
I havefive children and two step children. They are all so different and four of them finally made it into adulthood! Sometimes it seems that they will never grow up and then you find that they really did grow up fast. Everyone of them had what my father called a different learning curve.

My youngest is four right now and he can be stubborn at certain times. Like I have needed to ask him to put his sandals on a half hour before leaving to go pick up his older siblings from school. I already know that his is either going to dink around or throw a fit because he wants to wear socks and shoes instead of sandals. No amount of explaining that it is super hot out or that he is just going for a quick ride in the car will convince him to do what I requested. He is just not cognitively developed enough. If I put them on him myself, he can easily remove them. I find I can be more patient if I give him that half hour he seems to need rather than turning our daily task into a power struggle. Rather than stressing it I remember that his older siblings went through similar phases that they all grew out of in their own time. Having power struggles seems to make it last longer bc they get stuck in the struggle and they can at times actually crave negative attention.

I prefer distraction and redirection to time out. I still use time out if the other methods aren't working, but it is a last resort for me bc it can be risky if the child turns it into a power struggle by constantly testing the boundary and getting out. Sometimes I simply say something like, "You seem cranky right now, maybe you are tired and need some sleep". It is important for your child to not think of sleep as a punishment, but as a physical need so I don't reference the misbehavior when I use this. I do walk them over to their bed and read a story though. Children often misbehave when hungry or tired so I find that adequate sleep and proper nutrition can help a lot. Children seem to require a lot of effort and patience, but it will be worth it.

One word of caution is to allow them a little independence and then a little more so they are not over protected. My parents gave their first three children a lot of responsibility and independence and we grew up and moved out and started families. But they over protected their youngest three (not sure why the change) and they all still live at home and are single and don't seem motivated to start families. Only one of them has a job. That is just my family background. May not be common, but I have personally been more concerned with teaching independence than with worrying over stubbornness as to me the stubbornness issue seems to go by the way side. But that is just me.

Sorry for the novel.
ingrid198
by Ingrid on Aug. 28, 2013 at 12:49 PM
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 it's funny i literally just wrote a post about my 3 yr old daughter then read this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! i'm really struggling with DD right now she is so sweet but so smart and stubborn it makes EVERYTHING hard especially time outs!

ingrid198
by Ingrid on Aug. 28, 2013 at 12:51 PM
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 this is not always the case, we have a time out method and worked instantly with my DS and my DD still is defiant even though i have followed it to a T every time, we have a behavioralist who even said, wow i see what you mean, its not helping! so its more than just sticking to a routine, maybe what she is trying just isnt working like with my DD

Quoting Anonymous:

You need to get strict and consistant with discipline at home. Shoukd have a long time ago. Pick a discipline and stick to it. Let him know you are the parent, not him.

 

25 year old SAHM of two beautiful babies, Aiden july 5, 2008 & Sophia April 6 2010!




 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 28, 2013 at 1:09 PM
I never said time outs work. Whatever it is you have to be strict and consistant.


Quoting ingrid198:

 this is not always the case, we have a time out method and worked instantly with my DS and my DD still is defiant even though i have followed it to a T every time, we have a behavioralist who even said, wow i see what you mean, its not helping! so its more than just sticking to a routine, maybe what she is trying just isnt working like with my DD


Quoting Anonymous:

You need to get strict and consistant with discipline at home. Shoukd have a long time ago. Pick a discipline and stick to it. Let him know you are the parent, not him.

 


Bobbos
by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 11:30 PM
Thanks alot u guys for the advice , i got the bad news today that he wont be finishing the rest of the year with the school but i found another school with one spot left so i am hoping ee can get in. Its nice to know that they grow out of it so thanks for that thats reassuring and its also nice to know that i am not the only one with a stubborn kid !!
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