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no relationship with ncp's family

Posted by on Sep. 15, 2013 at 1:16 PM
  • 14 Replies

My son does not have any type of relationship with his dad's side of the family. My sons father complains that he is closer to my family and has a relationship with my family but doesn't with his. I pretty much told him that if he wants them to have a relationship that's on him. I have always kept the window open for his family and have always told him sister,mom, and dad that they can call, stop by, or take my son out on multiple occasions. I have done my part trying to make sure he has a relationship with his dad's side of the family. His dad complains and says I do not do my part but I think I do. Do you think I have? 

by on Sep. 15, 2013 at 1:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Noni2319
by Member on Sep. 15, 2013 at 7:56 PM
1 mom liked this
Telling them they can stop by is fine, but have you ever invited them for a specific day? Sometimes people feel weird about just stopping over. Other time they just aren't willing to put in the effort. My in laws almost never show when we invite them over.
AAP1988
by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 7:50 AM

I don't invite them over for holidays but I have made it very clear that they can see him whenver. 


Quoting Noni2319:

Telling them they can stop by is fine, but have you ever invited them for a specific day? Sometimes people feel weird about just stopping over. Other time they just aren't willing to put in the effort. My in laws almost never show when we invite them over.



Noni2319
by Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 8:14 AM
1 mom liked this
Then I suggest inviting them for a specific day a few times. And see if they show then. It doesn't have to be a holiday. Maybe invite them for a game day on a Saturday or something. This might not work, but I know some people that feel funny about just stopping by whenever because they don't want to intrude. And this way they know they are welcome at that time. They still might not show but at least this way you planned and invited them and his dad will see you putting in an effort.



Quoting AAP1988:

I don't invite them over for holidays but I have made it very clear that they can see him whenver. 



Quoting Noni2319:

Telling them they can stop by is fine, but have you ever invited them for a specific day? Sometimes people feel weird about just stopping over. Other time they just aren't willing to put in the effort. My in laws almost never show when we invite them over.




nova.mommy
by Bronze Member on Sep. 16, 2013 at 8:55 AM

Do the families get along?  If not they may not be randomly stopping by to prevent any sort of conflict.  Maybe plan a trip to the park, museum, zoo, mall, etc. and tell them that your family will not be there.  Don't tell your family.  Then do more(or the same) from there depending on how it goes.  If his family is not physically close(does not live close by), call them once a month/week to let them know how their grandson is doing.  Depending on how old he is and how he does on the phone, have him talk.  If you and they have camera phones/phone that will accept picture in text messages, text them a picture once a month or so.  Talk with his father.  It seems that what you feel is a good effort from you does not match his ideals. 

My brother and SIL, at Christmas, would spend a few hours visiting at my parents and a few hours visiting at her parents.  

Are yuo married/living together?  I only ask because if not and he only has his son for a few days every couple of weeks, he may not have enough time for his family to come by.  He may feel that it would take away from the little time he get with his son.

CharlotteRose
by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 4:12 PM

I think you have done everything you can however pls ignore your son's dad comments it sounds like he is trying to get a rise out of you.  When was the last time his side of the family did call and scheduled a visit w/your son?

AAP1988
by on Sep. 17, 2013 at 9:13 AM

I would be more comfortable them picking my son up and taking him out for the day. 


Quoting Noni2319:

Then I suggest inviting them for a specific day a few times. And see if they show then. It doesn't have to be a holiday. Maybe invite them for a game day on a Saturday or something. This might not work, but I know some people that feel funny about just stopping by whenever because they don't want to intrude. And this way they know they are welcome at that time. They still might not show but at least this way you planned and invited them and his dad will see you putting in an effort.



Quoting AAP1988:

I don't invite them over for holidays but I have made it very clear that they can see him whenver. 



Quoting Noni2319:

Telling them they can stop by is fine, but have you ever invited them for a specific day? Sometimes people feel weird about just stopping over. Other time they just aren't willing to put in the effort. My in laws almost never show when we invite them over.






AAP1988
by on Sep. 17, 2013 at 9:16 AM

No we are not together we have not been together for years. I think it is his responsibility to faciliate the relationship between our son and his family. Just like it's my responsibility to faciliate the relationship between my son and my family. 

I am not going to have my son call them and get shot down that is pretty much me chasing after them trying to make them have a relationship with my son. I have left the door open have told them numerous times if they want to see my son they can they chose not to. 


Quoting nova.mommy:

Do the families get along?  If not they may not be randomly stopping by to prevent any sort of conflict.  Maybe plan a trip to the park, museum, zoo, mall, etc. and tell them that your family will not be there.  Don't tell your family.  Then do more(or the same) from there depending on how it goes.  If his family is not physically close(does not live close by), call them once a month/week to let them know how their grandson is doing.  Depending on how old he is and how he does on the phone, have him talk.  If you and they have camera phones/phone that will accept picture in text messages, text them a picture once a month or so.  Talk with his father.  It seems that what you feel is a good effort from you does not match his ideals. 

My brother and SIL, at Christmas, would spend a few hours visiting at my parents and a few hours visiting at her parents.  

Are yuo married/living together?  I only ask because if not and he only has his son for a few days every couple of weeks, he may not have enough time for his family to come by.  He may feel that it would take away from the little time he get with his son.



AAP1988
by on Sep. 17, 2013 at 9:17 AM

They don't call and don't ask to see my son. 


Quoting CharlotteRose:

I think you have done everything you can however pls ignore your son's dad comments it sounds like he is trying to get a rise out of you.  When was the last time his side of the family did call and scheduled a visit w/your son?



nova.mommy
by Bronze Member on Sep. 17, 2013 at 9:53 AM

In your case(parents not together), I think you are doing enough.  He needs to make the effort to.

Is your sons father close with his family? If not, then how does he expect his son to be?

Quoting AAP1988:

No we are not together we have not been together for years. I think it is his responsibility to faciliate the relationship between our son and his family. Just like it's my responsibility to faciliate the relationship between my son and my family. 

I am not going to have my son call them and get shot down that is pretty much me chasing after them trying to make them have a relationship with my son. I have left the door open have told them numerous times if they want to see my son they can they chose not to. 


Quoting nova.mommy:

Do the families get along?  If not they may not be randomly stopping by to prevent any sort of conflict.  Maybe plan a trip to the park, museum, zoo, mall, etc. and tell them that your family will not be there.  Don't tell your family.  Then do more(or the same) from there depending on how it goes.  If his family is not physically close(does not live close by), call them once a month/week to let them know how their grandson is doing.  Depending on how old he is and how he does on the phone, have him talk.  If you and they have camera phones/phone that will accept picture in text messages, text them a picture once a month or so.  Talk with his father.  It seems that what you feel is a good effort from you does not match his ideals. 

My brother and SIL, at Christmas, would spend a few hours visiting at my parents and a few hours visiting at her parents.  

Are yuo married/living together?  I only ask because if not and he only has his son for a few days every couple of weeks, he may not have enough time for his family to come by.  He may feel that it would take away from the little time he get with his son.




CharlotteRose
by on Sep. 17, 2013 at 7:08 PM

 

Okay, then that is their problem - what are you suppose to do?  deliver the kid to them?  LOL

Quoting AAP1988:

They don't call and don't ask to see my son. 

 

Quoting CharlotteRose:

I think you have done everything you can however pls ignore your son's dad comments it sounds like he is trying to get a rise out of you.  When was the last time his side of the family did call and scheduled a visit w/your son?

 

 


 

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