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Friendship Advice. WWYD? A little long

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies
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I have a best friend for 15 years now. We had our moments where we would not talk for some time, but then link right back up. We went to different schools after middle school and that is why there have been some gaps. For the past few years (not exactly sure for how long though), we have been speaking without any interruptions. She was there while I was pregnant and I was there while she was dating, then got married. She went through a tough time and missed my baby shower. She did not say anything to me until the following month, when I gave birth. I could not speak to her or see her. How did I even know she was going through something with her husband at the time when she did not contact me at all. Right after I gave birth I was in no condition to speak about her issues. I feel she should had told me right away. I was not just some associate of hers. Months went by until I finally let her in because it was time we let this all pass and reconnect. She needed to meet my baby and I did miss her. It was too long and we have known each other for many years. We spoke and hung out and kept connected ever since (Jan 2012). Well, we never really did anything or bought anything for each other on our birthdays, but I figured she would have got something for my daughter since she completely missed my baby shower and her birth. I cannot remember what happened for her birthday last year, but she did not even contact me for her birthday this year. We met up after my daughter's birthday passed and she said she was just so busy, but still, she did not even bring a gift. My birthday passed and she didn't even send a text (an acknowledgement would have been nice at least) so I just didn't even bother saying anything to her on her birthday, which is the day after mine. She is inviting me to her other friends' home Saturday to have a play date for her birthday, but I just don't feel right about it. I feel everything is kind of revolving around this other friend of hers that she hasn't even know for as long as me. I'm pretty sure she even bought that other friends' daughter a gift for her birthday. I guess I just feel a bit badly and feel I should talk to her about all this since it will just linger in my mind, but I don't know. I don't feel I am taking it overboard and I honestly don't know if I can hold it in for too much longer.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 18, 2013 at 10:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 18, 2013 at 10:52 PM

Sorry, I tried adding paragraphs for an easier read. Not sure what happened. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 18, 2013 at 10:56 PM
It's dead. Move on.
stargaze281
by Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 1:52 AM
1 mom liked this

Uh why do you feel entitled to gifts from your friend?? 

lyranightshade
by Bronze Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 1:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Friends grow together and apart. Life gets in the way, sometimes. Don't sweat it- just hang out on occasion and have fun but realize you aren't bff's and it isn't high school anymore.
Work on finding friends that are more your speed and believe friendship works more closely to how you think a friendship should.
famiglia_bella
by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 2:04 AM
1 mom liked this

Friendships change.  If you value her presence, and clearly you do because the distance bothers you (I don't think it's the lack of a gift that truly stings, but the lack of the thought), you have options.  My mom's advice to me when I was in this place with a very close friend, have a talk if you think she will hear what your heart is saying, or let it go, and REALLY let it go, and accept where the friendship is right now.  Either way, I'm sorry, I know how this can hurt feelings.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 19, 2013 at 2:11 AM
Ergh.. I saw drop her. People who want to be in your life will make an effort.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 19, 2013 at 8:18 AM
It's not JUST the gifts. It's the fact that we are supposed to be SO close and ok, we went through a hiccup during my baby shower for a little bit, but now it's like you're not really showing you care much and you did want things to go back to normal after the hiccup. People buy gifts though, especially people really close to you. It just shows your acknowledgment. I mean c'mon, no text at least? That's not weird?

Quoting stargaze281:

Uh why do you feel entitled to gifts from your friend?? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 19, 2013 at 11:38 AM

Do you really need all that drama in your life?


I have always believe that if you try to adapt to others life is easier instead of waiting for everybody to adapt to me.


If it bothers you so much, move on. Seems like yo cannot let things go and she is tired of it, she found a friend who is not so high maintainance.


Being close friends doesn't mean she has to tell you everything or at the time you want, you are not the center of the universe.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 19, 2013 at 2:23 PM
If I felt I was the center of the universe then I would've ended the friendship already. I have another best friend that I've known for about 10 years and we take each other to brunch/lunch and she buys my daughter gifts for her birthday. I would do the same, or at least say happy birthday. It has nothing to do with high maintenance. I feel it's all about showing love and/or making your friend feel good. I'm always here for her and showing I care.

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you really need all that drama in your life?


I have always believe that if you try to adapt to others life is easier instead of waiting for everybody to adapt to me.


If it bothers you so much, move on. Seems like yo cannot let things go and she is tired of it, she found a friend who is not so high maintainance.


Being close friends doesn't mean she has to tell you everything or at the time you want, you are not the center of the universe.

sarlove01
by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 3:31 PM

I would say go about your life and connect with other friends. But dont let her behavior determine yours. If you know its her bday, acknowledge it...even if she forgot yours...that shows maturity.

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