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Is it really MY job to take care of my aging mom?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 194 Replies
1 mom liked this

My mom's up there in years now, but not really old - 70 - yet she suffers from dementia badly enough that she shouldn't really be alone anymore. The problem is, I have a very demanding job and work long hours on a regular basis, so I don't really have time to help take care of her the way she needs. My siblings, however, keep telling me that it's my JOB to take care of her. I'm the oldest and she took care of me, they say, but none of them, including the one who's married, no kids, and doesn't work, is offering to take care of her.

Is it really MY job to take care of my aging mom? Do you think adult kids owe their parents in such a way?

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:12 PM
6 moms liked this
Dementia should be taken care of in a nursing home. At least severe kind. If they do not know who they are they can walk away unless they have locked doors. My uncle walked away and luckily he was found. Next day my aunt put him in a nursing home where he was safe.
It is no child's job to take care of an aging parent. Do not abandon them but it is not your job. I mean who can quit work and take care of a parent 24/7???? Many kids do not even live near parents, like us.
pregnantmama105
by on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:16 PM
since my sister passed i am the only child alive... I am dreading the day theu can't function day to day withnout help... they both refused to go to an old folks home or long term care home..... and my mom and SO don't get along
Aslen
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:21 PM
10 moms liked this

Yes, it is, and yes I do.

Look into an adult daycare for those with dementia, and look into where she stay in your home.

She took care of you; return the favor!

balagan_imma
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I am the only child of an only child. So, if and when my mom needs help I'm the go to person. There are some really nice assisted living facilities within 2-3 miles of our house.

MIL, on the other hand, has 4 children, but only 2 live near her, DH and SIL3. We have 3 kids, jobs, etc… but we were the ones to step up and offer MIL a place to live. She declined. She really needs to leave her house and says she is considering going to live with childless SIL3. Personally, it's getting to the point of assisted living though.

lazyd
by Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:23 PM
6 moms liked this

NO it isnt YOUR job.  It is the WHOLE families responsibilities.  IF your mom has no income, the state will stick her in a government facility, unfortunately, that may be best, cuz at this going rate, how your family thinks it is your responsibility than they would probably make just you pay for care and i wouldnt do that!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:24 PM
1 mom liked this
They can still get up in the middle of the night and walk away unless you have alarms on the doors.


Quoting Aslen:

Yes, it is, and yes I do.


Look into an adult daycare for those with dementia, and look into where she stay in your home.


She took care of you; return the favor!


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:24 PM
6 moms liked this

Yes, yes it is. Your parents cared for you, sacrificed for you and did their job of raising you. The least you could freaking do is return the same to your mom.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:26 PM
2 moms liked this
Exactly. Most children can't afford the cost of taking care of parents. Medicare usually does not cover home care or elderly daycare.


Quoting lazyd:

NO it isnt YOUR job.  It is the WHOLE families responsibilities.  IF your mom has no income, the state will stick her in a government facility, unfortunately, that may be best, cuz at this going rate, how your family thinks it is your responsibility than they would probably make just you pay for care and i wouldnt do that!


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Ask them how do you expect to pay your bills for your family? Do they think the caregiver's allowance is enough to make up the difference in your salary? Unfortunately, the answer is no. You need to rattle off your living expenses in raising your family to them. I would also guilt the married with no children sister about it and calling her a lazy housewife who is very ungrateful about her mom caring for her, too. Tell her I guess your expensive shopping sprees and bingo time are more important than Mom. Have you thought of checking out an adult daycare center for her? Also, you might want to check out http://www.sittercity.com/ because they have a adult caregiver section.

RaisinGirl78
by Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:29 PM
5 moms liked this
It is not solely your responsibility. She took care of them as well. However I've learned you can't make selfish siblings help out.
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