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The Cafe The Cafe

EDIT: Does he have the right to find it elsewhere?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Man and woman are in a committed relationship or seven years and have a child together. She has no sex drive. Nothing is wrong with her, she just doesn't want to. Does that justify him getting it elsewhere? Yes or no, and why?
Edit:
There have been issues with depression in the past. And when it was, it was treated with counseling and therapy as well as a variety of different medications. The meds worked but made the desire for sex even less which increased the problems and fighting. The meds caused bigger issues for her such as excessive sweating, insomnia, and lack of a back bone meaning that she went with the flow of life with no emotions and everyday was a blur.
So she quit with the meds and he threatened to leave her if she didn't get back on them. She couldn't win for losing. There are other issues involved as well. He is a hard working man and a good provider. However, he provides no help at home with child, chores, regular maintenance of owning a house, etc. she works too. She stays frustrated at his lack of interest in his role at home and constant concern of just sex. He doesn't take care of his hygiene like he did when the relationship first started such as brushing teeth regularly (that's a big thing). Even with this, she IS attracted to him but doesn't know how to approach it. Also, there are lots of underlying issues with his family. On multiple occasions he has allowed his family to treat her poorly and has refused to stand up to them on her or their child's behalf, right or wrong. And with time the relationship has turned into simply coexisting for their child's sake. Her heart is still there though, or she would have left for good instead of always coming back. He doesn't see where he does wrong, he just feels like he is being done wrong. She has no desire to be with him or any man for that matter. He isn't concerned with fixing any problem but the lack of sex. He had not stepped out that she is aware. With him working like he does, he doesn't have time. And he is home when he is suppose to be. He doesn't go out.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 24, 2013 at 8:30 AM
Replies (11-20):
EireLass
by Ruby Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 4:15 PM
Hes an adult, he can do whatever he wants....and then deal with the consequences.
nurse1997
by Silver Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 6:24 PM

Um bottom line is if she wont put out ever someone else will !  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 24, 2013 at 7:20 PM
This has been an ongoing issue for the last five years. Then it all comes to a head, the work out the kinks, it lasts a month or more and it all goes back to the same. She isn't attracted to anyone else and has no desire to be with anyone else. She just has no desire AT ALL. No sexual desire whatsoever and it always feels like a chore. Who wants to have sex when it feels like a chore? Who wants to have sex with someone who feels that way? Medically there is nothing wrong. Depression may be a factor but with treatment and meds doesn't get better because the meds cause lack of libido as well.
PartyGalAnne
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 12:59 AM
1 mom liked this

That depends on the rules and boundaries of your particular relationship. Everyone's is different.

famiglia_bella
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 1:07 AM
2 moms liked this

No, he doesn't have the "right" to go outside the relationship for sexual fulfillment.  He does have a right to end the relationship, in my opinion, especially if there are no movements being made toward healing.  A healthy sex life is important in a relationship and it's a game changer if either decides they no longer "need" it.

aehutmacher
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 1:08 AM


Now, i don't want this to sound like i'm suggesting your "friend" compromise her body for another, but if this is a serious relationship and she has no desire to try to fix her sex drive for her SO, then there probably isn't a very good outcome for the relationship as a whole.

I'm sure you've heard the phrase "men have needs" but you may not realize how real those needs are. For example, did you know that men who ejaculate at least five times each week are significantly less likely to suffer from prostate cancer?


I'm not saying that your "friend" needs to see that her SO gets off 5X each week, just suggesting that there are benefits to sex aside from the pure pleasure of it, like fostering and maintaining intimacy, for example. If your "friend" doesn't see the value in that, then what is the point of the relationship in the first place?


Quoting Anonymous:

This has been an ongoing issue for the last five years. Then it all comes to a head, the work out the kinks, it lasts a month or more and it all goes back to the same. She isn't attracted to anyone else and has no desire to be with anyone else. She just has no desire AT ALL. No sexual desire whatsoever and it always feels like a chore. Who wants to have sex when it feels like a chore? Who wants to have sex with someone who feels that way? Medically there is nothing wrong. Depression may be a factor but with treatment and meds doesn't get better because the meds cause lack of libido as well.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 25, 2013 at 1:11 AM
1 mom liked this
No. Doesn't give the go ahead to cheat. It can be grounds for divorce, though.
polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Sep. 25, 2013 at 1:26 AM
I would just split up. Clearly neither party is happy in the relationship.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SinaiJ
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 4:52 AM

I think if it's okay with her, then yes. Otherwise, HELL NO.

Rampgirl04
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 5:42 AM
1 mom liked this

No! That absolutely does not justify him to go elsewhere. Before I go on with more thoughts on this I want to say that it also doesn't Justify a woman either from doing to to her Dh, Bf, S/O what so ever if it's the man that has the low sex drive either. It's not like who ever is getting cheated on went to the guidance counselor and said "I want to be the lucky one who doesn't have a great sex drive and therefore be screwed over by whomever I am with". So NEVER is it okay under any circumstances. Personally I've been cheated on before in my past by my now Ex husband but at the time him and I were married, and well lets put it this way because he couldn't control his urges or control his wanting sex all the time and I just wasn't able to naturally get into it as I would've liked to which caused me alot of Depression and emotional issues because of my lack of drive. He unfortunately took advantage of my struggles in the sex chapter of our relationship and went elsewhere which therefore led to me divorcing him for it.

Low Sex Drives can be caused by alot of multiple things and it's not always someones fault. I look at it this way and that is "If one can't keep their pants on and his man hood in his pants or if it's a female her parts to herself and her partner whom they claim to be oh so comitted to" than..............

1) If their partner that is being cheated on leaves them for making wrong choices, well the guilty party  pretty much brought the consequences that follow that on themsleves and I don't feel one bit sorry if they are kicked to the curb for it.

2) I hope the guilty person ends up getting left behind and hit with tons of child support if children are in the picture.

3) The person cheating has ABSOLUTELY NO BUISNESS being in any kinda committed relationship in the first place because relationships are sooo much more than sex and if they can't commit or be faithful to the person they claim to Love and care about so much than they had NO Buisness getting into the relationship in the first place.

I really can never ever see a justification for hurting someone just because they can't handle not getting enough Sex smh! It really is pathetic. I mean my goodness I wish I was lucky enough as a female to be one of these lucky girls who can easily get all hot and horny at the thought of her man and doesn't have issues with the Libido. Gosh do I wish it was different. I'm actually really grateful that the man I'm with has never and will never go elsewhere since him and I don't have high Libidos and don't think about sex and make that one of the most priorities in our lives. NO our Priorities are our Kiddos and being the best parents we can be, Paying our bills and our own family not being Sex Crazed that nothing else matters. It really is sad that there are people out there that don't think like we do but then again I'm sure there are some who have their priorities set like we do and put the important things first in life. So that's my thoughts on this all.

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