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EDIT: Does he have the right to find it elsewhere?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Man and woman are in a committed relationship or seven years and have a child together. She has no sex drive. Nothing is wrong with her, she just doesn't want to. Does that justify him getting it elsewhere? Yes or no, and why?
There have been issues with depression in the past. And when it was, it was treated with counseling and therapy as well as a variety of different medications. The meds worked but made the desire for sex even less which increased the problems and fighting. The meds caused bigger issues for her such as excessive sweating, insomnia, and lack of a back bone meaning that she went with the flow of life with no emotions and everyday was a blur.
So she quit with the meds and he threatened to leave her if she didn't get back on them. She couldn't win for losing. There are other issues involved as well. He is a hard working man and a good provider. However, he provides no help at home with child, chores, regular maintenance of owning a house, etc. she works too. She stays frustrated at his lack of interest in his role at home and constant concern of just sex. He doesn't take care of his hygiene like he did when the relationship first started such as brushing teeth regularly (that's a big thing). Even with this, she IS attracted to him but doesn't know how to approach it. Also, there are lots of underlying issues with his family. On multiple occasions he has allowed his family to treat her poorly and has refused to stand up to them on her or their child's behalf, right or wrong. And with time the relationship has turned into simply coexisting for their child's sake. Her heart is still there though, or she would have left for good instead of always coming back. He doesn't see where he does wrong, he just feels like he is being done wrong. She has no desire to be with him or any man for that matter. He isn't concerned with fixing any problem but the lack of sex. He had not stepped out that she is aware. With him working like he does, he doesn't have time. And he is home when he is suppose to be. He doesn't go out.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 24, 2013 at 8:30 AM
Replies (21-30):
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:44 AM
No. It is not a reason.
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:45 AM

A right?  no, but if she's not interested in helping herself or helping the relationship, it's already doomed for failure.

by Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:46 AM

 There is NEVER a reason to cheat, but he does of the right to leave and find someone else especially if she is not doing all she can to fix the problem.

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:52 AM
Rather than discuss whether or not he should look elsewhere, I feel a conversation about what their missing intimacy really signifies in the relationship. No child ever benefits from a two parent household when the parents have fallen out of love:would you want your child to compromise their morals or desires in their adult life? Think about the example your relationship is setting for your child, everything they become as a partner will be rooted in what they learn (or later have to unlearn) from their childhood home. Just my opinion, but I do speak from personal experience not just objective judgement... Best of luck, truly.
by Anonymous 5 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:59 AM
No! I have no sex drive either. Although some of it is medical but I also get nothing out of sex. My dh and I have been married for 3 years but have been together for 16 years. I would still find in a violation of our marriage and it us still cheating and hurts the whole family.
by Anonymous 6 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:59 AM
Nope. No excuse for cheating.
by Anonymous 7 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:01 AM

No that doesn't justify him going out and finding it elsewhere...I sure as hell know that he wouldn't want her to do the same thing!  I would think that they as a couple would find out why she feels this way....the love and commitment should go beyond the sex aspect, meaning that sex shouldn't be the only thing holding the relationship together anyway...does that make sense? LOL!

by Anonymous 8 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:01 AM
Sex is a big part of a relationship...
The women needs to figure out what's going on and fix it...or expect that he will get his needs met elsewhere.
We are sexual beings....
by Anonymous 9 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:01 AM

Everyone is different but if my SO and I didn't have sex for years I would go elsewhere for it and I know he would too. We are in a great relationship, we are perfect partners, and very happy- but he is a man, and most men find sex to not only be fun but it comes with health benefits too. I couldn't imagine being in a sexless marriage.

by Anonymous 10 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:01 AM

no i would be mad. i would atleast do some therapy and i know depression will make you just feel over all crappy and not want to be bothered with anything. maybe try treating that with some couples counseling and see what happens.i would do everything i could.

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