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The Cafe The Cafe

EDIT: Does he have the right to find it elsewhere?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Man and woman are in a committed relationship or seven years and have a child together. She has no sex drive. Nothing is wrong with her, she just doesn't want to. Does that justify him getting it elsewhere? Yes or no, and why?
Edit:
There have been issues with depression in the past. And when it was, it was treated with counseling and therapy as well as a variety of different medications. The meds worked but made the desire for sex even less which increased the problems and fighting. The meds caused bigger issues for her such as excessive sweating, insomnia, and lack of a back bone meaning that she went with the flow of life with no emotions and everyday was a blur.
So she quit with the meds and he threatened to leave her if she didn't get back on them. She couldn't win for losing. There are other issues involved as well. He is a hard working man and a good provider. However, he provides no help at home with child, chores, regular maintenance of owning a house, etc. she works too. She stays frustrated at his lack of interest in his role at home and constant concern of just sex. He doesn't take care of his hygiene like he did when the relationship first started such as brushing teeth regularly (that's a big thing). Even with this, she IS attracted to him but doesn't know how to approach it. Also, there are lots of underlying issues with his family. On multiple occasions he has allowed his family to treat her poorly and has refused to stand up to them on her or their child's behalf, right or wrong. And with time the relationship has turned into simply coexisting for their child's sake. Her heart is still there though, or she would have left for good instead of always coming back. He doesn't see where he does wrong, he just feels like he is being done wrong. She has no desire to be with him or any man for that matter. He isn't concerned with fixing any problem but the lack of sex. He had not stepped out that she is aware. With him working like he does, he doesn't have time. And he is home when he is suppose to be. He doesn't go out.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 24, 2013 at 8:30 AM
Replies (251-260):
JaysMama2007
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 10:34 AM

FEMALE VIAGRA- that connection is needed for both parties- and if he steps out then it is not a committed relationship-  cuddling can help fight off depression and COMMUNICATION  with a third non biased party ( Counseling)  is strongly recommended ....or things can continue as is and both can be miserable but know that children pick up on such things and they could be doing irreparable damage to the child(ren) involved- our children percieve what a relationship is supposed to be based on our relationships with our spouses- if they see constant fighting and bickering they grow up thinking that is normal and it effects their adult relationships- If they see a loveless relationship- then they see that as normal and are likely to end up in a loveless relationship themselves-  Do what is best for the child- get the help needed to show the child what relationship is supposed to be ( loving, working together, caring....)

lorbear
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 4:56 PM

no , in my book if you are together  married or not , you are still a couple

notjstasocermom
by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 8:45 AM

justified, no

understable yes

Anonymous
by Anonymous 75 on Oct. 3, 2013 at 7:32 PM

Every relationship is different. If she is attracted then she has desire. If she just does not want to have sex then she will suffer the consequences. Does not make a difference what is morally right or wrong. If he wants sex and she is unwilling to accomodate him then he will get it elsewhere. The problem then becomes.. what is she willing to put up with; him stepping out or her putting out.

jesswallis
by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 7:02 PM
I'm going thru something similar. After I had dd my sex drive started to drop to the point where now even tho I would like to be intimate with dh I can't get in the mood. He's lucky to get it once a week and most of the time when he does I'm faking it so he won't get upset. My problem isn't depression tho so I'm planning on having my hormone levels checked. If that's not it then I don't know what I'm going to do.
To answer your question my opinion is no. It does not. If he's not willing to help her in her time of need and is more worried about him getting his rocks off then they should either seek therapy or separate until she can figure out what's wrong or a way to get around her problem.
I guess I got lucky with my husband. He gets frustrated but is trying to help in anyway he can. Whether it's just taking me to the doctor or talking to me trying to work out a reason on why I'm not getting in the mood. I wish her luck and hope she can find a way to deal with whatever happens.
hisemma
by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 8:58 PM

NO. He obviously doesn't respect her, so why the hell would she want to have sex with him?? He deserves to be sexless the rest of his miserable life. I condemn him to a life of blue balls for being inconsiderate & a moron.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 76 on Oct. 5, 2013 at 9:00 AM
I disagree that this justifies cheating. So, if your spouse has a struggle you dishonor them by finding someone else? Why even be married or in a relationship then? I thought it was for better or for worse?

I think there is more to a relationship than sex. How does cheating help with depression? Doesn't it push the problem further into being a problem?

I would say this is the saddest thing I have ever heard. Men can go without sex and they will not die. He could contribute to the help needed in order to make that part of the relationship existent again.

Its selfish.
Saurusmom8
by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 9:04 AM
Its a cop out excuse and the most selfish thing I have heard of. Its saying that sex is more important than who she is as a person. I would think the cheating brings on the depression and its only making it worse. If he truly loved her, he would be by her sside helping her through.

This man is all about himself. Not about his spouses needs.He should have remained single and trully does not deserve to be with her.
HUNNIBUNNI777
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 10:39 AM

I UNDERSTAND WHERE "SHE" IS COMING BUT THEY ARE A FAMILY. THE ARE MARRIED. HOW IS IT FUN TO BE AROUND A ROBOT, SOMEONE WITHOUT EMOTION, WITHOUT DESIRE, WITHOUT LIFE? APPRENTLY HE LOVES HER ITS BEEN FIVE YEARS. HE DOESNT GO OUT SHE SAYS BUT ONE PERSON FUELS THE OTHER. HOW CAN SHE EXPECT HIM TO DO WHAT HE HAS TO AROUND THE HOUSE AND ECT IF HE IS DEPRESSED JUST LIKE HER, IF HE IS JUST THERE EMOTIONALESS, NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO TO MAKE THE SITUATION BETTER MEDS ARENT HELPING, SHE ISNT HELPING HERSELF TO TRY AND GET OUT OF THIS SLUMP. SEX, INTIMACY IS VERY IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP. ITS A PART OF LOVING ONE ANOTHER SHARING MOMMENT AND KEEPING IT ALIVE.EVERYTHING ELSE WOULD GET BETTER IF THAT SPARK IS THERE .. BETTER THAN BEING ZOMBIE LIKE AND HAVING NO TYPE OF REAL RELATIONSHIP. I JUST THINK THAT BOTH PARTIES KINDA OF GAVE UP AND WITH THAT BEING SAID HOW IS ANYTHING GOING TO BE DONE CORRECTLY. IF THEY CARE ENOUGH THEY SHOULD GO TO THERAPY MAYBE SHE CAN TAKE HORMONES OR SOMETHING TO STIMULATE HERSELF, AND IF SHE DOESNT WANT TO BECUSE SHE JUST DOESNT FEEL LIKE IT I DONT SEE HOW SHE WOULD EXPECT HIM TO TRY OR CHANGE OR HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. NOW IF SHE WOULD HAVE TRIED AND HE DIDNT CHANGE ITS SOMETHING DIFFERENT. BUT TOME IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE FEEL OUT OF LOVE AND JUST GOT IN THE ROUTINE OF THINGS, JUST DOING THE SAME THINGS DAILY OVER AND OVER WITH NO LIGHT OR LIFE IN HER THIS HAPPENS TO MANY MOMS, AND THE FACT THAT HE DOESNT HELP AS HE SHOULD JUST PUTS HER MORE IN THE SLUMPS. SHE NEEDS TO TRY AND FIND SOMETHING OR TRY SOMETHING THAT WILL BRING HER BACK TO LIFE, SHE HAS A FAMILY, SHE HAS A REASON TO LIVE, TO BE ALIVE TO WANT TO LIVE ... MORE THAN MANY OTHER PEOPLE HAVE .. MAYBE THEY SHOULD SEPERATE SO SHE CAN HAVE A LIL REALITY CHECK AND IT MAY JUST BRING HER EMOTIONS AND SPIRIT BACK ..

nana2u10
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:27 PM

 In my opinion there is never a REASON to go outside the marriage for sexual pleasure. Until the problem is either worked on or settled one can remember that self gratification, temporarily is not a bad thing and is not considered adultry. Having extra marital affairs is never a substitute for working out a marriage.

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