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The Cafe The Cafe

EDIT: Does he have the right to find it elsewhere?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Man and woman are in a committed relationship or seven years and have a child together. She has no sex drive. Nothing is wrong with her, she just doesn't want to. Does that justify him getting it elsewhere? Yes or no, and why?
Edit:
There have been issues with depression in the past. And when it was, it was treated with counseling and therapy as well as a variety of different medications. The meds worked but made the desire for sex even less which increased the problems and fighting. The meds caused bigger issues for her such as excessive sweating, insomnia, and lack of a back bone meaning that she went with the flow of life with no emotions and everyday was a blur.
So she quit with the meds and he threatened to leave her if she didn't get back on them. She couldn't win for losing. There are other issues involved as well. He is a hard working man and a good provider. However, he provides no help at home with child, chores, regular maintenance of owning a house, etc. she works too. She stays frustrated at his lack of interest in his role at home and constant concern of just sex. He doesn't take care of his hygiene like he did when the relationship first started such as brushing teeth regularly (that's a big thing). Even with this, she IS attracted to him but doesn't know how to approach it. Also, there are lots of underlying issues with his family. On multiple occasions he has allowed his family to treat her poorly and has refused to stand up to them on her or their child's behalf, right or wrong. And with time the relationship has turned into simply coexisting for their child's sake. Her heart is still there though, or she would have left for good instead of always coming back. He doesn't see where he does wrong, he just feels like he is being done wrong. She has no desire to be with him or any man for that matter. He isn't concerned with fixing any problem but the lack of sex. He had not stepped out that she is aware. With him working like he does, he doesn't have time. And he is home when he is suppose to be. He doesn't go out.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 24, 2013 at 8:30 AM
Replies (31-40):
lovnmy3boys
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

If she refuses to give him sex of any kind, then she shouldn't be shocked.

IhartU
by Bronze Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:06 AM

Nothing justifies cheating. The man has a hand- he can always whack off if he needs an orgasm. If he wants sex so badly he's willing to get it from somewhere else, then perhaps he should divorce her and go get him some but I don't feel he should do that while still married.

WifeyandMom71
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:08 AM

No, that is not a good reason to get it somewhere else, unless SHE also agrees and they come up with that decision together.  Maybe counseling would help??  

shaiorta
by Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:12 AM

I think She is being selfish by not At Least Trying to get help. If she loves him and wants a good relationship with him She needs to meet his needs and understand that as a man, sex is a big Need for him. 

firespurity
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:12 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Anonymous:

This has been an ongoing issue for the last five years. Then it all comes to a head, the work out the kinks, it lasts a month or more and it all goes back to the same. She isn't attracted to anyone else and has no desire to be with anyone else. She just has no desire AT ALL. No sexual desire whatsoever and it always feels like a chore. Who wants to have sex when it feels like a chore? Who wants to have sex with someone who feels that way? Medically there is nothing wrong. Depression may be a factor but with treatment and meds doesn't get better because the meds cause lack of libido as well.

Is anything being done to maintain intimacy? If both are being denied there is no hope whatsoever, even if he doesn't step outside the relationship. What's the point of being with someone, if you aren't really with them anymore?
lwalker270
by Bronze Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:13 AM

I'm of the mindset that a partner never has the right to cheat on his/her spouse.  However,  if the lack of sex is a known issue and the spouse with no sex drive has no inclination to address or try to solve the issue, then I think s/he is well within their right to leave the relationship and THEN move on to one that is healthy emotionally and sexually.

leavinglasvegas
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:14 AM
2 moms liked this

I wouldn't stay with a spouse that didn't want to have sex with me, but I wouldn't cheat on him. I'd divorce him then find someone else. And I would expect him to feel the same if I were witholding from him.

No one wants to feel unwanted, unattractive, or be giving what sounds like lip service - 'it's not you, it's me'. Even if it IS you and not him, he's still married to someone who doesn't actually want a physical relationship with him. As a woman, I could never tolerate this from my husband and can imagine it would make me depressed and feel unwanted.

IMO, cheating is grounds for divorce as is denial of affection. Two sides of the same coin.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:15 AM
Heck no!!! But I'd get that checked out. Not wanting sex is a big thing for men.
jamiekakes6
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:17 AM
Dishonesty is never justified. However, sex is an important part of human nature and she can't expect him to have no drive, desire, or need for sex simply because she doesn't. With that said, I believe this justifies a conversation between him and his wife. They need to find mutual ground that both are comfortable with and allows everyone's needs to be met. Again, dishonesty is never justified...
Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:19 AM

No, never. he made a commitment to her and needs to keep it.

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