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EDIT: Does he have the right to find it elsewhere?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Man and woman are in a committed relationship or seven years and have a child together. She has no sex drive. Nothing is wrong with her, she just doesn't want to. Does that justify him getting it elsewhere? Yes or no, and why?
There have been issues with depression in the past. And when it was, it was treated with counseling and therapy as well as a variety of different medications. The meds worked but made the desire for sex even less which increased the problems and fighting. The meds caused bigger issues for her such as excessive sweating, insomnia, and lack of a back bone meaning that she went with the flow of life with no emotions and everyday was a blur.
So she quit with the meds and he threatened to leave her if she didn't get back on them. She couldn't win for losing. There are other issues involved as well. He is a hard working man and a good provider. However, he provides no help at home with child, chores, regular maintenance of owning a house, etc. she works too. She stays frustrated at his lack of interest in his role at home and constant concern of just sex. He doesn't take care of his hygiene like he did when the relationship first started such as brushing teeth regularly (that's a big thing). Even with this, she IS attracted to him but doesn't know how to approach it. Also, there are lots of underlying issues with his family. On multiple occasions he has allowed his family to treat her poorly and has refused to stand up to them on her or their child's behalf, right or wrong. And with time the relationship has turned into simply coexisting for their child's sake. Her heart is still there though, or she would have left for good instead of always coming back. He doesn't see where he does wrong, he just feels like he is being done wrong. She has no desire to be with him or any man for that matter. He isn't concerned with fixing any problem but the lack of sex. He had not stepped out that she is aware. With him working like he does, he doesn't have time. And he is home when he is suppose to be. He doesn't go out.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 24, 2013 at 8:30 AM
Replies (41-50):
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:22 AM
I agree. What happened to for better for worse. No wonder marriage doesn't mean shit today and the divorce rate is so high.

Quoting IhartU:

Nothing justifies cheating. The man has a hand- he can always whack off if he needs an orgasm. If he wants sex so badly he's willing to get it from somewhere else, then perhaps he should divorce her and go get him some but I don't feel he should do that while still married.

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by Anonymous 13 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:24 AM

She should hire him a hooker to give him the "girlfriend experience"

by Silver Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:24 AM

it all depends.  age of couple and what type of communication they have. I would say that if they come together and talk about it, try to solve the problem and maybe go to therapy... but if this does not work I think he should have the right to get sexual release elsewhere, if that makes him happy.  When people get together sex is expected and a part of that relationship, if one of the parties decides for no good reason (meaning no health issues) to stop having sex then the other should be granted the chance to do so with someone else.  but that is my opinion because I am older and I have been in the situation where I have had no sex drive at all (had a miscarriage) but I talked to my husband and little by little I have heal and he waited for me to get where I am now.

I think that couple should be very open and honest to each other even if it hurts.

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:24 AM

The right? No. Will it happen? Most likely! Sex is usually how men feel loved. You refuse sex, or any help to change it, well, that's a recipe for disaster ~ for both men & women. It's not just about sex per se... It's also about intimacy ... No intimacy in the relationship means your living like brother & sister rather than husband & wife. For a little while that should be ok ... Weeks, months, years? Not so much!!

by Anonymous 14 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:24 AM

that is something that both of you need to sit down and talk about. just because you don't have a sex drive doesn't mean that he gets to do whatever it wants.

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:26 AM

Absolutely not! When you are in a relationship you need to communicate. If something is wrong sit down and discuss it together and if there is no solution to the problem then you need to break up. There is no excuse for going to find something you are not getting at home somewhere else. Talk it through and figure out if it is worth staying in the relationship or not. If he truly loved her he wouldn't ever think of that. He would talk to her about it and see if there was a way to get her in the mood. Or wait it out for a little while and see if her sex drive comes back.

by Anonymous 15 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:33 AM
Abseluteley not. He has no right if he wants to get some somewhere else then he should not be with her. My almost ex husband slept with a few people I didn't find out until he left.
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:33 AM

No, unless there is no monogamy in the relationship. If he is willing and ready to search outside of his relationship for sexual gratification then the relationship is broken. 

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:39 AM

No.  If he wants to look for sex else where, he should have the decency to break up with the other person first. IMO.

by Anonymous 16 on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:42 AM

Yes. If it's been a prolonged amount of time and she has refused to fill his sexual needs for no medical reason then yes he is justified in finding sex elsewhere. I get not being in the mood but without sex a marriage is just a friendship and no matter how great of a friend you've got when there is someone that will have sex they win.

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