What I don't understand is the number of women on here that bash on the SPs. Like it or not, the original relationship didn't work out. That sucks but it's life. Why is it that you all immediately smack down a SM that wants to spend time with her SKs? Part of being in a blended is loving those kids and helping to raise them. Part of being in a marriage is making decisions together as a couple, decisions that effect the entire family, including *gasp* the kids and step kids! I think telling these women that they should just shut up and butt out is ludicrous. They are wives and mothers and they are making plans for their entire families.
In my house we make our plans knowing with have to be flexible with BM & BD. We're adults. We all agreed a long time ago to respect each other and put our kids first. BM & BD are both welcome to be in our home. BD is military and he stays at our house when he makes it to town to visit! We invite them for holidays and when we are all together we do things as a family. My kids know that just because their bio parents aren't together it doesn't mean we don't talk. We do. We have children and that means that we are bound together, so we might as well make the best of it. My kids know that we all love them.
I get that we are an exception to the rules. DH tells me that people think it's weird that our exes are allowed to stay in our home. They're exes, not monsters. My ex was a terrible husband but he's a great Dad. He and DH know that DS calls them both Dad. DH has been his father figure day to day since he was three, so while BD didnt like it, he understood it. DS doesn't call his sm Mom but he was nine when she came on the scene. He calls her by her first name. Our stance has been that the kids will adress us based on their level of familiarity with us.
In short, I guess I just don't understand why parents resist letting these people who are going to be influential in their children's life, love their kids. These step parents aren't trying to replace you. They can never replace you and believe, no one will ever let them forget that. They are just trying the best they can to give your kid a family within their household too.
Before anyone starts, I get that there are bad step parents out there. There are bad bio parents out there too. I'm not saying that it is always the way it is in my family. I'm just wondering why so many people out there don't want their exes to find happiness and why they seem to think that it's okay to teach their children that their family is limited to only their bio parents.