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i'm a social butterfly...he's an introvert...help!

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 2:11 AM
  • 4 Replies


My husband is an introvert...I am a social butterfly.

I work part time as a substitute teacher, and he works fulltime, long hours, and is with people all week long.

I have many women friends, and we get together and chat often during the week. 

However, when it comes to getting together as couples, on weekends, my friends' spouses are introverts

as well!

I would love to have couple friends that we do things with on weekends, but my friends are all on tight budgets

as they are saving for their kids' colleges...our kids are in high school, and one of my friends already has

one kid in college....so no one ever wants to go anywhere or do anything....it costs money.

We have oftentimes had my friends and their spouses over to our house for dinner...but I find it tiring to cook,

and clean, etc,....very rarely do they reciprocate with an invite to their house.

I have suggested meetup groups on the internet with my husband...he's not interested....he says he

sees enough people during the week, and he doesn't need to see people on the weekend....that he

doesn't feel a need for friends...he has one close friend from high school that he sees once in a great

while.

I seem to crave being around people, and would love to have a social life with other people with my

husband....soon our kids will be in college and moving out of the house....and it will be very lonely if

it's just me and my husband alone all the time.

I would appreciate any suggestions.

Thanks!

by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 2:11 AM
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Replies (1-4):
shaynaj1980
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 2:31 AM
2 moms liked this

So basically you're trying to "break him out of his shell?" Breaking a turtle out of its shell will kill it. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Go. Find friends. Do your thing. But leave him be to be who he is. You married him, knowing full well that he was an introvert and now you want to change him?

Clairwil
by Silver Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 3:33 AM
Quoting rainbowmaker:

he doesn't feel a need for friends...he has one close friend from high school that he sees once in a great while.

I seem to crave being around people, and would love to have a social life with other people with my husband

Would he mind if you want to some social events alone, rather than with him in tow?

Introverts find that being around people, especially crowds of people where they have to be 'on', have to perform and pretend to be interested in something or feeling something that they not, is tiring.   It takes up energy.

If you can find something like a roleplaying game or sport where there are already pre-defined roles and he doesn't have to be 'social', he might find that easier.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 28, 2013 at 3:35 AM
Same here :/
MaggieO
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 2:38 PM

He is who he is.  Just because you two are married, it doesn't mean you have to have all the same interestes or do everything together.  If you have friends who like to go out, then go out.  He has a right to be who he is, but you have a right to doing things you enjoy.  I think if you are both getting what you want, then you can avoid resentments building up.

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