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The Cafe The Cafe

What do I say to that??

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies


The following is a message I received today from my husband's best friend, who has been selling him pain killers here and there over the last couple years behind my back. I recently told my husband I was going to leave him after the most recent ordeal with it (each time we talk and he swears he'll stop being dishonest and then it happens again and I find out again)  :

  • Conversation started today
  • Listen, I know you're upset with me and honestly I can't blame you, just hear me out for a minute.. I know I may not be the brightest person, nor the best person to make wise choices, I've made tons of mistakes in my life and I've paid for a lot of them too. Please do know that____is much more to me than just a friend, he's my brother even though we're not related. I would never intentionally do anything that would hurt him, or hurt what he loves. I reliazed that I fucked up and almost messed up something good in his life, and for that dude I'm very fucking sorry. I love you guys, a lot, that precious baby means as much to me as my own. I'd love to still be able to come around and be considered uncle _____. Sometimes I think that growing up out of our old ways wasn't a option for me, but I know it is and him and I have came a long ways in our friendship and seen some troubling times. I was honered to be the best man at your wedding, and to watch 2 people get married that was much more than just meant to be. Now for me to go and be a douche with my childish ways and involve ______ is all me and for that I am very sorry. I want nothing more than to see you guys happy together, my best friend happy, and for you guys to live a long life together. Now please accept my apology and note that I will not encourage such activities on ______ anymore. I was going to try to talk to you the other day at ______ , but I was astonished and loss of words. For real though, know that I'm sorry.




(and the following is my reply, haven't sent it yet, looking for feedback)



Well... thanks for the apology. I can't say I feel that it's genuine but I also understand that in the scheme of things, what I feel about it doesn't matter. It is what it is. 

While I do feel that you have great influence on ______ and that he makes some shitty decisions based on that influence. . . he is an adult and is responsible for those decisions, regardless of what "pressure" or outside influences factor into those decisions. You are not and never were at fault for his mistakes. 


For the record: I never asked____ not to buy or use. I simply asked for and expected the respect of honesty in all areas (including that one). I never asked you not to sell to him. I was stupid to assume that you of all people would have the respect for someone else to not treat them as though they were stupid, and do some shady shit right in front of them. Shame on me. But therein lies my anger at you personally... I don't find it easy to forgive and forget when I am lied to. 


At the end of the day, I don't like you. That's a feeling that's formed over the past several years as I've gotten to know you better as a person, based not on just a few instances of "betrayal" but on a culmination of everything I do know about you. But my husband does like you and he values your friendship very, very much. I respect that and won't make it a mission to come between you as friends, and I never have tried to. So no need to suck up to me. I will work past my anger and general distaste for you and try to be pleasant and friendly... my home is still open to you and your own family as it is not only my home but his as well. I try to not speak negatively of you in conversation with ____, as it's not fair to him. I want for you and I to be able to be around each other without awkward tension or uneasiness, but PLEASE don't ever call me your friend.  I don't want that title. 


Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Marimaru
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:06 PM
2 moms liked this

I think it's honest, and quite appropriate.

I would also be talking to my husband and asking "Why is your friend trying to apologize for YOUR actions?"

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:09 PM

Well... in the same way that I don't hold the friend accountable for my husbands actions, I don't hold my husband accountable for his friend doing this. I did ask him if he knew he had messaged me, he didn't know. 


Yeah so ummmmmm... I got impatient and hit send lol. 

Quoting Marimaru:

I think it's honest, and quite appropriate.

I would also be talking to my husband and asking "Why is your friend trying to apologize for YOUR actions?"


EireLass
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:46 PM

BUMP!

bhow
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 7:11 AM

sounds point blank and honest to me.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:41 PM

It sounds honest.  I'd speak to him face to face though just to REALLY get everything out in the open and clear the air.

Marimaru
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:52 PM

Any response?

I wouldn't necessarily assume my husband asked his friend to do it, but I would have wondered.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well... in the same way that I don't hold the friend accountable for my husbands actions, I don't hold my husband accountable for his friend doing this. I did ask him if he knew he had messaged me, he didn't know. 


Yeah so ummmmmm... I got impatient and hit send lol. 

Quoting Marimaru:

I think it's honest, and quite appropriate.

I would also be talking to my husband and asking "Why is your friend trying to apologize for YOUR actions?"




fudgybuddymom
by Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:21 PM

All I can say is.. awesome reply to his letter! Tells it like it is w/o being offensive or immature. I like it!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 4:49 PM
He did reply. Basically getting butthurt and asking why I didnt tell him I didn't like him and why I "pretended to be friends". Then blocked me before I could send the reply I typed.
So much for continuing on and being grownups about it.

Hubby said today he still hasnt heard anything about it from his end.


Quoting Marimaru:Any response?I wouldn't necessarily assume my husband asked his friend to do it, but I would have wondered.
Quoting Anonymous:Well... in the same way that I don't hold the friend accountable for my husbands actions, I don't hold my husband accountable for his friend doing this. I did ask him if he knew he had messaged me, he didn't know. Yeah so ummmmmm... I got impatient and hit send lol. Quoting Marimaru:I think it's honest, and quite appropriate.I would also be talking to my husband and asking "Why is your friend trying to apologize for YOUR actions?"
okpondlady
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 4:50 PM
1 mom liked this

I heard a joke the other day.  Do you know how you can tell if an addict is lying?   Their lips are moving.

Good luck!

want10more
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 5:44 AM

personally? what i would say is:

my husband has an addiction. you, as his 'friend', were providing him w/ something that could kill him, or at least kill our family. if he is your friend then you wouldn't want him to lose his kids, his wife, but you are providing him w/ something that will cause the loss of both. and again, his life. therefore, you aren't really a friend, and your apology means jack shit. unless and until you clean your own act up, you are no longer welcome around me, my hubby, and certainly not our children. my job, as a mom, is to raise my kids drug free, in a drug free house. they deserve a secure and safe home. a DRUG FREE home. you are undermining this. your apology will be accepted when and if you never give him drugs again, or invited him to partake. until then you are part of the problem of hurting his kids, and wife, and a real friend would never do that.

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