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Would you ever have the "balls" to add additional guests to a wedding you were invited to?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 95 Replies

My brother is getting married in January. They recently sent out their invitations so they are now starting to receive the responses back. So far two different people invited have added additional guests to their invite responses. One was a child. The other was a mother-in-law of an uncle.

My brother is paying for the entire wedding himself as well as the honeymoon. He is busting his butt working overtime and picking up odd end jobs here and there right now to give his fiance they wedding she wants so he is trying to keep the guest list down and I know that he had to leave some of his own friends and co-workers off the invite list to keep the headcount responsible because both sides have large families.

He called me today in a panic saying he doesn't know what to do because he can't have these extra people that were never invited or counted show up to the wedding because they were invited by another guest. The one who is bringing her child is a friend of his. Her parents live close by and constantly help her and are able to watch her child so there is no reason for her to bring her child. No other children were invited, why does she assume she is an exception? I have 3 kids myself. They will be walking in the ceremony but I have no intention bringing them to the reception and making my brother pay for them to eat $50 kids meals. I have never taken my kids to a wedding, I just don't think it is a place for young children. That is just my opinion.

The second is an uncle (on his 3rd wife btw!) who added his mother in law to his response card. Are you kidding me? My brother does not know our uncle's wife's mother and there is no reason my uncle should think it is ok to just go ahead and bring her and expect my bother to pay for another meal and open bar for someone he has never met. I was floored when he told me that!

I told him he needs to reach out and just be honest and say listen, we had a guest list, and budget that we are sticking to and I am sorry, but we can not accommodate the extra guests you are inviting on your own.

For goodness sakes, this is a wedding, not a backyard BBQ!

Am I over reacting (on his behalf, lol) or is this a normal thing now? People inviting their own extra people to other people's weddings now a days?

Thoughts on how my poor brother should handle this?

Thanks in advance for your responses.


***UPDATE: Thank you ALL for responding :)

As far as my Uncle, he is a jack*ss, that is all I have to say. He never called and asked or mentioned anything to my father (he is my dad's older brother), that is just the way he is. He assumes he can do what he wants so I think he will be surprised when my brother stands up to him and says no. My brother and soon to be sister in law made the invitations out to Mr. and Mrs. so and so and single people were given a guest. But to add a 3rd person to an invite for a married couple is just absurd. I can't believe how many other people stated in the comments that this happened to. Just wow, the audacity of the some people now a days.

The kids thing...it is a night reception, open bar, and to me and them does not seem like an appropriate environment for younger children. I know that I don't want to have to chase my kids around late at night after they should be in bed. I want to be able to have a couple drinks, mingle and enjoy a "night out" so to speak. He understands out of town guests and children can sometimes not be avoided...but his friend lives in town and has her mother available to watch her child. So he is not sure why she marked that she was bringing her kid.

Thanks again for everyones imput and stories!

***UPDATE #2*** For the few who said to just let the MIL come because the venue won't notice one extra person. The reason it is such a big deal is because It's a sit down dinner with assigned seating...so everything would need to be rearranged for this uninvited guest, another meal ordered, as well as being charged for another head for open bar whether she drinks or not.

Thanks again to all who responded :)

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 23, 2013 at 10:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AMRios
by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 10:34 PM
1 mom liked this

No, I would never do that... I would tell them they can not come... 

acrogodess
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 10:37 PM
5 moms liked this
That was very rude. They need to uninvite the extra guests or he should simply tell them to please not bother showing.
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RaniNY
by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 10:41 PM
3 moms liked this
I'd tell uncle the truth. The other one, I'd say that children weren't being included, so she. can't bing her kid or the other guests will be pissed. Or just tell them, as well, that you can't afford it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 24, 2013 at 12:17 AM
Thanks ladies! I just couldn't believe the nerve of some people. Just wow...
fudgybuddymom
by Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 6:40 AM
1 mom liked this

Your brother should be honest with these two & tell them that the extra guests are not invited nor prepared for. He should tell the lady with the kid that this is a child free day.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 24, 2013 at 6:53 AM
7 moms liked this

Dear 

So and so..finances are extremely limited and it would not be possible for us to include another guest. I am so sorry that your Mil will not be able to attend because of this.

(then they can offer to pay for her, or not bring her)

Dear so and so,

While we would love to have your child at our wedding ceramony, the reception is not a child appropriate venue , and our finances do not allow for adding another guest..so sorry we can't accomodate your child.

STVUstudent
by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:15 AM
5 moms liked this

I have seen this kind of behavior more and more, but mostly just at kids' birthday parties.  The best way to handle it, in my opinion, is just to respond to the add-ons, "We are sorry, but we have a pretty tight budget and can not accomodate your MIL.  We hope you understand.  Please let us know if you will be attending without her."  "We are sorry, but we never intended for your invitation to include your child.  We really aren't in a position to accomodate extra guests, including children.  We hope you understand.  Please let us know if you will be attending without her."  If they reply that they will not attend without MIL/child, well, there you have openings where you can invite people you were forced to leave off you original list...

To assume an invitation includes people not specified is just rude and tacky.  You are under no obligation to accomodate extras, especially when they are people you don't even know... just remember that some people will consider YOU the rude one for not being accomodating...

GwenMB
by Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:28 AM
2 moms liked this

First - your brother sounds like an awesome guy!  I hope his fiance really appreciates what a wonderful husband-to-be she has.  Any man willing to pick up extra jobs to pay for his wife-to-be's wedding of her dreams is a man to hold on tight to.

Second - I like the PP responses with how to respond.  Rather rude!  I personally loved having kids at my wedding & reception (that was part of my 'wedding of my dreams'), but I would never bring extra guests to someone else's wedding & I never assume my kids are invited (I ask them if they didn't add 'and family' or 'and children' to the invite).

Awakened1
by Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:32 AM

That's incredibly rude to try and invite people. Names are put on the invite for a reason. My DH's aunt did that. I was pissed. His cousin had a very new girlfriend. When we all met up at the aunt's house she asked if the girlfriend could attend. I told her we only had so many seats available for the meal. Guess who came anyway? Then a few weeks later they broke up!

gcstar42
by Bronze Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:46 AM

As far as the one with the kid goes, I would say just talk to her and explain that kids are not invited at this particular wedding. She probably just assumed the invitation was for the whole family unless it specifically stated no kids allowed. I have personally never been to a wedding where kids were not invited and have taken my kids to any wedding I have gone to since they were born. This is probably the case with her also, and chances are she would be understanding enough to find a sitter if asked. As far as the uncle inviting his mil yes that was a little rude. He should have at least ASKED if it was okay to invite an extra person and not just assumed he could. Also a little weird if that particular person does not even know either the bride or groom lol.

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