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The Cafe The Cafe

Who's Fault is it....

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 26 Replies

When you have done everything possible to raise your children the right way/give them everything and they go down the wrong path.  Is it the parent's fault?  Thoughts please.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2013 at 9:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Its.me.Sam.
by Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 9:49 PM
2 moms liked this

kids are their own people.  not robots.  we as parents can only do the very best we can and provide all the best opportunities... they have to live their own life with their own decisions.

EireLass
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 9:53 PM
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"Raising the right way" is subjective.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 26, 2013 at 9:54 PM
1 mom liked this
Depends. In my situation my parents were to strict. I couldnt hang out with friends. I couldnt even stay after school for help without asking atleast 2 days ahead of time so they could contact the teacher. I rebelled. I started smoking cigs and weed. Skipping school. I ended up dropping out of high school at the begining of my senior year and moving 1500 miles away from my dad to live with my mom and sister, which didnt last more than 3 months. My dad and stepmom gave me everything i could have needed and wanted.

I think each situation is different and that there is no 1 specific person that is to blame. I think its more situations and peer pressure that influence everything.
Vinterland
by Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:18 PM
1 mom liked this

I definitely don't think parents are always to blame. Anything can happen with our children, they have their own minds/way of thinking and there are all kinds of situations that can lead them down the wrong path, it's not the same for everyone.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 27, 2013 at 4:40 AM
1 mom liked this

We thought we did everything right but our son got in trouble with the law. He is now 20 and trying to make things right and has a record. We played the blame game for awhile but kids make their own choices. Now he regrets his choices.

Momofmenagerie
by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 5:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Who's fault?

Sometimes A child raised in a strong value system just.... Makes wrong choices that a parent can't fix after awhile.

SOMETIMES it is upbringing ...,, nurture can play a big part... For instance, a child that grows up watching their father abuse their mother ( even if never touched themselves) are highly likely to become abusers.

But a child whose been raised with society's "appropriate" values and love , discipline, etc.

A teenager/ young adult have the free will to reject and rebel, make poor decisions, fall into the wrong crowd.... And don't forget, mental illness almost always shows up in the late teens through young adult.

I don't find fault with loving parents that tried.
I don't find fault with a child who "" fell off the path'"

If there is blame to be placed anywhere, it's a community that doesn't notice in time that there is a problem. Teachers, coaches, extended family and close friends/ parents.

I find fault with juvenile detention halls meant to rehabilitate but a child just learns different ways to commit crimes instead. Same with our adult prison systems.

Sometimes parents are too close to their children to see what may be evident to a less involved person. However, they are scared to speak up because of the reaction from the parents may have. It's no ones fault , it's a
" wild card" unfortunately, and every parent worries about it and every parent has a form of denial, too.
EireLass
by Ruby Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 10:09 AM
Do we also excuse ourselves when kids turn out terrific?
butzi
by Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 12:11 PM



Quoting Momofmenagerie:

Who's fault?

Sometimes A child raised in a strong value system just.... Makes wrong choices that a parent can't fix after awhile.

SOMETIMES it is upbringing ...,, nurture can play a big part... For instance, a child that grows up watching their father abuse their mother ( even if never touched themselves) are highly likely to become abusers.

But a child whose been raised with society's "appropriate" values and love , discipline, etc.

A teenager/ young adult have the free will to reject and rebel, make poor decisions, fall into the wrong crowd.... And don't forget, mental illness almost always shows up in the late teens through young adult.

I don't find fault with loving parents that tried.
I don't find fault with a child who "" fell off the path'"

If there is blame to be placed anywhere, it's a community that doesn't notice in time that there is a problem. Teachers, coaches, extended family and close friends/ parents.

I find fault with juvenile detention halls meant to rehabilitate but a child just learns different ways to commit crimes instead. Same with our adult prison systems.

Sometimes parents are too close to their children to see what may be evident to a less involved person. However, they are scared to speak up because of the reaction from the parents may have. It's no ones fault , it's a
" wild card" unfortunately, and every parent worries about it and every parent has a form of denial, too.

"And don't forget mental illness always shows up in the late teen years through young adult ." This is simply not true. Mental illnesses can show up throughout the span of a human lifetime. Children as young as two or three can be diagnosed with mental illnesses and certainly the elderly are diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer's.


NDADanceMom
by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 2:11 PM
As a teacher from what i have seen its pretty rare for great parents to raise complete animals. When kids grow up in poverty, when they are hit by their parents, threatened, etc the kids don't grow up well. A parent will often be busy with work and tell the child what they expect. The kid is on their own and mom or dad only show up to punish them.
Parents with low parenting skills really think that they are doing everything they can when they are constantly punishing a child. Often they don't realize they really are only adding to the problem.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 27, 2013 at 5:11 PM
It's not just poverty that attributes to out of control kids. Poor parenting, abuse, etc also happen in middle class and rich families.



Quoting NDADanceMom:

As a teacher from what i have seen its pretty rare for great parents to raise complete animals. When kids grow up in poverty, when they are hit by their parents, threatened, etc the kids don't grow up well. A parent will often be busy with work and tell the child what they expect. The kid is on their own and mom or dad only show up to punish them.

Parents with low parenting skills really think that they are doing everything they can when they are constantly punishing a child. Often they don't realize they really are only adding to the problem.
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