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Hygiene and your children, what do you think? Am I right/wrong?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 24 Replies

 

Poll

Question: hubby says I'm being a bitch/petty b/c I don't like the person. He's right on both, but I think my thoughts/concerns are valid? your thoughts?

Options:

Overreacting?

Low key-would you freak MORE

Eh, am I just right?


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 35

View Results



I would like other Mom's opinions on this, please. 

We now visit a family member's (my husband's side) house weekly, we used to have this person come to our home, but we are currently in an upstairs townhome, until our new home is ready, and this person is very overweight and is "handicapped", can't do stairs because of their legs. I do not let my husband take my 2 children to this person's house because of the family member's lack of hygiene and housekeeping skills. The family member does not correctly wash dishes/cups/utensils (if they do "wash" - soap is not used - they just rinse and don't use soap or a sponge/brush).

The bathroom situation: the first time I allowed my children wash their hands, with hand soap; I used the provided hand towel (which I thought would be safe to dry their hands on, figuring it was clean and safe). I washed the first child's hand and gave the child the towel to dry on its own and then sent the child out the door to the table, and was helping the second one dry their hands and noticed the child's hands were COVERED in pubic hairs. Needless to say I FREAKED, and ran out to the table and dragged my first child back into the bathroom, after dumping the pizza the child had in its hand into the garbage. And washed both their hands again, and used a paper towel to dry. [Side note: My husband was angry with me about this, he said I overreacted and said I embarrassed him.] Also in the bathroom is always dried, crusty feces on the toilet bowl, and the whole bathroom is in need of a major cleaning. The only thing (if anything, which is rare) that is clean is the mirror and the top of the sink. Every time we visit, I bring wipes and scrub and clean off the toilet seat, yet still put the travel toilet seat on top of the seat. The bowl inside is disgusting. I understand that this person is very overweight, but at the very least cleaning off the toilet seat, especially when you know you have company-including small children coming over, isn't that hard. Am I wrong?  Also, there is another, younger, non-handicapped person living with this person, who is able to keep up with these chores, so there is no reason for these conditions. And do you not notice that after every time I visit that your toilet seat is sparkling clean?

This person also picks their nose, scratches their head/hair and then serves food, bites their nails so severely they bleed-yet I'm not supposed to be concerned that they are putting their hands in/on food that myself and my children are consuming.

My husband sees no issue with this, because he's lived with this all his life, and well-because he's a guy. He says a little germs never hurt anyone, and while, yes I agree, and am not that germ-o-phobe mother who makes her kids wash their hands every 5 seconds and won't let them do or touch anything dirty, I feel this is just really taking it a WAY too far.


Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:29 AM

I think you have valid concerns and there's really no way to address the matter with the person without offending them and causing more drama.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:53 AM

I agree, which is why I choose to just quietly address it and take care of matters myself. What upsets and irriates me is that my husband doesn't support me and my concerns, and I now don't trust him taking our children alone, so I feel like I always have to be there with them. To a point, where my oldest doesn't feel comfortable going without me, being there alone with just her father, because even a 5 year old child can see the unsanitary conditions, and is disgusted by it. I have let him take them by himself, but my oldest has begged me to come, not wanting to go withough me. But we cannot avoid it, this is my husband's mother. My children won't even eat food she brings over, and we have to eat dinner at the in-law's house too, which is a weekly stressor. I understand they may be picking up on my mannerisms and behavior, but I can't have them sitting on shit, I just can't - it's just downright disgusting!!  Not in a person's home. I refuse!

EireLass
by Ruby Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this
Nasty.
Now knowing its your MIL....makes a bit of a difference. Good that soon you'll be in your new home and can have her home over.
Why not do a weekly cleaning for her, or offer to pay for a service?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 5, 2013 at 12:14 PM

I've offered that as a possible suggestion as well, and my husband said that would be offensive and rude to her, so I give up.  Guess I'm stuck with having to be a nervous nellie, and hovering over them during our visits. Before she got divorced and was living with my father in law, I always assumed HE was the pig, now seeing her living on her own, I know it was her all along. I also know where my husband got his dirty, lazy, habits from as well, not just being a "guy"-he learned it from her!

EireLass
by Ruby Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 1:08 PM
Unless he specifically addressed with his mother.....and by your description of him, he hasn't....he's being very insensitive of his mother. I am disabled. I am able to keep a pretty clean home, as my husband is a big help to me when needed. And my basic personality doesn't allow me to live in filth, haha. If any of our 5 kids or spouses offered to clean or pay for a service....I would first assume its because of my condition, not because of my living situation. Maybe approach it from that perspective.
Quoting Anonymous:

I've offered that as a possible suggestion as well, and my husband said that would be offensive and rude to her, so I give up.  Guess I'm stuck with having to be a nervous nellie, and hovering over them during our visits. Before she got divorced and was living with my father in law, I always assumed HE was the pig, now seeing her living on her own, I know it was her all along. I also know where my husband got his dirty, lazy, habits from as well, not just being a "guy"-he learned it from her!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 5, 2013 at 2:46 PM

She's honestly been like this for the almost 20 years I've known her, and she's only been "disabled" the last 2 years, so I wouldn't even use that an excuse. Her house has always been like this, and like I said-I just assumed it was my husband's father, but clearly it's her. She isn't really disabled, she just had a knee replacement, but acts like she can't do anything or can't take care of herself, and this "act" exponentially gets grander whenever my hubby is around, strictly for attention. I know this first hand because she manipulated and guilted my huband (without my consent) into letting her live with us for over 5 years, while she was going through her divorce and her knee replacement surgery, and extensive recovery from, too. She was fine all day taking care of herself, but when her baby boy returned home from work, she couldn't lift a finger for anything, he had to wait on her hand and foot! If she was really disabled and couldn't care for herself, it would be an entirely different story, I swear. I DO have a heart!

And trust me, he's VERY sensitive to her needs-he'll put her first before me, treating her more like a wife than I am, doing more chores and more husbandly duties for her than me. (He has always been like this, he's a total Momma's boy!) I mean she calls him 3-4 times a day, just to see how he's doing, how his day's going, and to tell him she loves him. And he has NO problem telling her something he doesn't like her doing, or something he has a problem with, even though she calls hime 3-4 times a day (even at work) to ask him how he's doing, how his day is going, or just to tell him she's thinking about him or tell him she loves him. He will definitely tell her something out right if he wants to, so I feel this is something he's 1) being stubborn/spiteful on or 2) just doesn't understand or care about. It's really causing stress between us. I'm trying not to let it, but it is. I'm trying not to feel disrespected, and don't want to cause tension or trouble between family, but it really does bother me. And that says a lot, because it take a LOT to upset me :(

JocelynMoods
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 3:17 PM

Your concerns are totally valid. Your husband should defintely respect your opinion about something like that.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 5, 2013 at 3:36 PM

My MIL is also very dirty.  I never wanted my children to stay there and she never sat for me unless it was URGENT.  

14 years ago my his baby sister got married and moved in with her.  she now has 3 adults and 2 middle school children living in the home.  it is falling in on itself, and my sil's husband has no desire to fix ANYTHING!.  floor has holes in it back deck has rotted away .  DH and others tore it down and hauled it away, brother in law stacked cement blocks outside the back door.  and never did anything else.  It's a disaster.   the lastest big idea is for them to sell her beach house (which is also falling apart) and this house and buy a bigger hosue for all of them to live in ( which means MIL will use all her $$ and they will still live for free)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 5, 2013 at 5:22 PM

 I would be the same way, that is just nasty.

ambertreas76
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 5:43 PM
Some people are just downright slobs. I would have flipped out.
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