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When you' re dd and her friend get in a argument do you get involved?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Dd 10 has a friend she walks to school with and plays with at recess. They also play sports together. I am good friends with her mom. They have known each other for about 6 months. Well this is her second time telling my daughter not to talk to her. She does not want to walk with my dd or play with her during recess since her other friend does not like my dd. I don't like to get involved since kids will be kids and I definitely don't like to talk to the parents unless it's serious. I think this will blow over in a few days. But I don't like dd getting treated like this. Dd is such a sweet girl. What do you guy's do in situations like these?
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 7, 2013 at 6:44 PM
Replies (21-29):
lovemyfour79
by Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 6:34 PM

NO, parents should not get involved in a little squabble. She didn't say huge fight, or mean bullying. She said squabble. To me that is something petty. They need to stick up for the self. They also should be taught that if something is serious, and they are being constantly picked on, being called awful names, or hurting their feelings to the point where they are crying and always upset, then the parent should step in! Not, over something so small. Who are you to say what parents are doing as far as raising their kids "now a days" like you said word for word. If my daughters get in to a little stupid petty argument outside with their friend, I am not going to cause chaos over it. If its something huge, that is different. SMH.

eye rolling

TatyBear
by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 6:35 PM
I stay out of it 100%.
LADYxGHOST
by Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 7:31 PM

I think getting involved is nessessary. However it should only be in being there for your child. Giving her a person to talk to about how this situation is affecting her and what is goin gon in her mind becasue of it.  Speaking with you child to help her uinderstand these are "normal" childhood events. If your child knows why this started it may be helpful to help her understand, if not it is nice to let her know it isn't happening becasue she is a bad person.

Soemthing like this occured to my dd (and probably every child out there). She was so upset and thought ill of herself becasue of it. We went for ice cream and broched the topic in a round about way. She opened up and shred with me her feelings and she cried. I comforted her and let her know it isn't her fault and that the other child was just focusing on her new friend, like a new toy. She kind of understood. She said she didn't want a friend that ignored her just because she made a new friend.  I told her I understood and helped her process her feelings. It did blow over in a few weeks, however they where never as close again (my dd's choice, which I supported)

I never spoke to the other child or parent. Nor did I speak ill of the other child. My involvment was strickly with helping my dd through this situation. Any more involvement would be wrong.

LADYxGHOST
by Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 7:32 PM

 

Just a quick question, is there nice bullying?

Quoting lovemyfour79:

NO, parents should not get involved in a little squabble. She didn't say huge fight, or mean bullying. She said squabble. To me that is something petty. They need to stick up for the self. They also should be taught that if something is serious, and they are being constantly picked on, being called awful names, or hurting their feelings to the point where they are crying and always upset, then the parent should step in! Not, over something so small. Who are you to say what parents are doing as far as raising their kids "now a days" like you said word for word. If my daughters get in to a little stupid petty argument outside with their friend, I am not going to cause chaos over it. If its something huge, that is different. SMH.

eye rolling


 

lovemyfour79
by Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 7:43 PM

? lol

jenny3344
by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:49 AM
1 mom liked this
Kids will be kids. One day they're friends and the next they're not. They will work things out on theiroown in their own time. This teaches them how to resolve conflicts with others....a skill you need as an adult.
nuts4scouts
by Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 2:44 PM

There are all kinds of levels of "getting involved".

No one here is advocating that the child simply be ignored.

You are correct, parents ARE responsible for "teaching her how to handle situations". How are you teaching your CHILD to handle situations if you step in all of the time to take over, and "fix" the problem for them?

The OP obviously found out about the issue from her daughter. That is a GOOD thing. It means there is good communication there. It also means that the daughter gave her mom a starting point for a conversation.

She should have that conversation with her daughter.

Talk to her about what happened. Ask her how she feels about it. Start a discussion about peer pressure (10 is a good age to start talking about this). Ask her what SHE would like to do. Guide (not tell) her to positive responses.

This is a learning opportunity for both of you (and the other little girl also). Take it.

However - what you do NOT want to do is confront the other child, or her mother. That type of response should be limited to when your child is in danger of some sort.

In this specific instance, you discuss things with your daughter, guide her to a positive decision, and then step back, and let HER handle the situation, knowing she has your full support.

Good luck. Teen years, and all that drama, are coming FAST!

Quoting Anonymous:

Why would you NOT get involved?  You are responsible for raising her and teaching her how to handle situations.  You are responsible to get involved and talk with her in what she needs to do.  You are also responsible for making sure that you have her back by stepping up and protecting her. 

See, this is where kids learn that their parents aren't trustworthy and they are left to on their own.  This generation of parents really suck.

And I can't believe that parents are still saying to stay out of it...even after all those young kids are killing themselves over peer troubles.  You guys never seem to learn.  Or else you guys have such a deep rooted problem with a huge self-centered image that you refuse to see beyond yourself and raise your children right.


waytomanykids10
by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 4:41 PM
1 mom liked this

 Unless it is physcial I stay out of it. My 8 year old andher friend got into a big yelling match one day, I just sat back and let them go at it. They ended up not speaking for a week but now are best buddies again. Sometimes we just need to step back and let them verbally fight it out.

juno1
by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 6:45 PM

If you are friends with the mom talk to her.  This might be a conversation that the other mom might want to have with her daughter about friendships.  You may also find out that perhaps something happened between them or the 3rd girl that you don'tk know about that you can address with your daughter.  

In the meantime...get her into activities where she can meet new people who aren't connected to this girl.

I did get involved to some degree when they were young if I knew the friend well and if they were at my house or under my care.  Not so much to solve anything for them but to help them navigate successfully, and safely, through the conflict.

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