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Should single parents give up relationships and intimacy? *New question for people who said yes*

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:13 PM
  • 628 Replies
11 moms liked this

I often see people saying single parents should put of dating until their child is an adult. 

I was wondering how many people agree?

If you do agree with this why? And what do you suggest single parents do to fill the void of an adult relationship.


I happen to totally disagree.  I think that is VERY harsh and unrealistic. For some parents, that means going 18+ years without companionship. Adults need emotional/physical intimacy and I find it unreasonable to expect people to go so long without it. I think parents can keep their dating life separate from their children. Dating doesn't mean there has to be a revolving door of different men and women coming in and out of their lives, like some people tend to assume.



What say you?



P.S I though about asking this in the single mother's board, but I wanted answers from a wider range of people.

by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
anotherguatmom
by New Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:19 PM
14 moms liked this

I have to agree.  When you have children you put them ahead of your own needs.  I don't understand how a single parent would have the time for someone else in their life.  If your kids are with the other parent that should be your time to clean, shop, work extra hours etc. so that when you have your kids you can give them the quality time they need and deserve.   I'm saying ths as a child of a single parent that decide to have relationships.  

AJsMom81507
by Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:21 PM
52 moms liked this

i do peapod, i have a maid, i shop online

so youre saying i should remain celibate and a nun until my kids are out of my house?

my STBXH has them 3 full weekends a month and 1 day a week.

so in a full month i have them 1 weekend a month and during the week while they are in school

SMH at your thinking

Quoting anotherguatmom:

I have to agree.  When you have children you put them ahead of your own needs.  I don't understand how a single parent would have the time for someone else in their life.  If your kids are with the other parent that should be your time to clean, shop, work extra hours etc. so that when you have your kids you can give them the quality time they need and deserve.   I'm saying ths as a child of a single parent that decide to have relationships.  


Broken2012
by Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:31 PM
54 moms liked this

This is what bothers me the most about this type of thinking. Being a single parent doesn't mean you are no longer a person with needs ( emphasis on 'needs' ) that need to be met.  You are basically telling single parents that they no longer have to right to be happy ( because who would be happy woth having zero time to themselves)?  People who are still with the parent of their child aren't held to these same standards. IN fact, you more often than not, you see people encouraging them to pick up their own hobbies, go out on dates with their partners, etc. If anything, a single parent needs more time off than married ones. I feel like a lot of people that think this way think single parents deserve to be unhappy because they think they made the wrong decisions. But I will leave  it at that, beause that there is a different topic.


Quoting AJsMom81507:

i do peapod, i have a maid, i shop online

so youre saying i should remain celibate and a nun until my kids are out of my house?

my STBXH has them 3 full weekends a month and 1 day a week.

so in a full month i have them 1 weekend a month and during the week while they are in school

SMH at your thinking

Quoting anotherguatmom:

I have to agree.  When you have children you put them ahead of your own needs.  I don't understand how a single parent would have the time for someone else in their life.  If your kids are with the other parent that should be your time to clean, shop, work extra hours etc. so that when you have your kids you can give them the quality time they need and deserve.   I'm saying ths as a child of a single parent that decide to have relationships.  




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:35 PM
64 moms liked this
Date without bringing them around the children till it is serious. Don't risk your kids though. WAY too many boyfriends abuse kids. Proven fact.
AJsMom81507
by Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:37 PM
3 moms liked this

i actually have more time to myself now than i did when i was married.  LoL...

Quoting Broken2012:

This is what bothers me the most about this type of thinking. Being a single parent doesn't mean you are no longer a person with needs ( emphasis on 'needs' ) that need to be met.  You are basically telling single parents that they no longer have to right to be happy ( because who would be happy woth having zero time to themselves)?  People who are still with the parent of their child aren't held to these same standards. IN fact, you more often than not, you see people encouraging them to pick up their own hobbies, go out on dates with their partners, etc. If anything, a single parent needs more time off than married ones. I feel like a lot of people that think this way think single parents deserve to be unhappy because they think they made the wrong decisions. But I will leave  it at that, beause that there is a different topic.


Quoting AJsMom81507:

i do peapod, i have a maid, i shop online

so youre saying i should remain celibate and a nun until my kids are out of my house?

my STBXH has them 3 full weekends a month and 1 day a week.

so in a full month i have them 1 weekend a month and during the week while they are in school

SMH at your thinking

Quoting anotherguatmom:

I have to agree.  When you have children you put them ahead of your own needs.  I don't understand how a single parent would have the time for someone else in their life.  If your kids are with the other parent that should be your time to clean, shop, work extra hours etc. so that when you have your kids you can give them the quality time they need and deserve.   I'm saying ths as a child of a single parent that decide to have relationships.  





AJsMom81507
by Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:38 PM
5 moms liked this

i cringe at the moms here who bring their "boy toys" around their children after a month or so.  i have no intentions of my kids meeting anyone i date until 1. my divorce is final & 2 when i have been in a relationship for at least 2 or more years. 


Quoting Anonymous:

Date without bringing them around the children till it is serious. Don't risk your kids though. WAY too many boyfriends abuse kids. Proven fact.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:41 PM
19 moms liked this
I wouldn't date or have romantic relationships until my kids are grown. Their needs come first.
I'm married but if I were to become widowed or divorced, you can fill your time with other things.
People fail to realize that sex is not a need. You can survive without it.

Ok edit because I've been quoted fifty times and its getting old.
I think if a single mom can choose to date, I and other moms can choose to NOT date.
I don't care if other moms date!!!!! It's fabulous. I hope they find their soul mate. I truly do. I hope they have a wonderful life.
I would like to say that I DO NOT care what single moms do. I was simply stating that I would not want to date if I were single for any reason.
I moved from my moms house at seventeen into getting married at seventeen and having our first at right after I turned eighteen. I've spent my life and youth caring for everyone else.
I want to get to know me. I'd like to enjoy time to myself if I lost my husband. I have a right to be alone, just as you all have a right to date when you are single.
Please stop quoting me. I don't care who you are, I don't care what you do, and I am NOT judging you for dating-in fact, I think it's great you are doing what it takes to find happiness for you.
If a woman is single dating isn't a requirement.
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AJsMom81507
by Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:45 PM
24 moms liked this

so while my kids are with their father 3 weekends a month from Friday 4pm - Sunday 6pm, i should sit home with my thumb up with twat?

Quoting Anonymous:

I wouldn't date or have romantic relationships until my kids are grown. Their needs come first.
I'm married but if I were to become widowed or divorced, you can fill your time with other things.
People fail to realize that sex is not a need. You can survive without it.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:48 PM
4 moms liked this
I don't care what you do. Party, date, be carefree and fancy free.
I just said what I would do. I know it's not a popular opinion but it's how I would live if I lost my husband in any way.

Quoting AJsMom81507:

so while my kids are with their father 3 weekends a month from Friday 4pm - Sunday 6pm, i should sit home with my thumb up with twat?

Quoting Anonymous:

I wouldn't date or have romantic relationships until my kids are grown. Their needs come first.

I'm married but if I were to become widowed or divorced, you can fill your time with other things.

People fail to realize that sex is not a need. You can survive without it.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:49 PM
43 moms liked this
I'm a single mom, have been for 3-1/2 years. Never introduced my kids to anyone, but am not opposed to it, just has to be the right person. My girls dad has them every other weekend, and yep, I go out every Saturday he has them. I do my major cleaning Saturday morning, and my shopping Sunday :) I've been good friends with a guy for over 2 years, recently started dating... Maybe he will eventually meet them...oh and to the poster who also said work extra hours, I make a good salary in a job with mon-fri hours lol, no opportunity to work on weekends, and yes single parents need intimacy!
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