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I need help

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies

I have done several posts about this and nothing ever works.  I am a fly on the wall.  No one in my house listens to me I might as well be speaking a different language.  My kids DO NOT listen to me AT ALL.  I tell them in a sane matter. I end up screaming in order for them to listen.  That is all they hear - their hearing is fine according to docs  - I actually had them check becasue they don't listen so much. 

Time outs do not work.  Screaming is the only thing that works - taking toys away does not work, spanking - nothing.  I have to SCREAM.  Positive reinforcement worked for a couple of days - now nothing. 

I am sooo tired of it.  I am ready to check myself in to an asylum so I don't have to deal with it anymore. 

This is not an every once in a while deal - IT IS EVERYDAY - MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. 

DH works a lot, so when he is home he is RELALY lenient as he "does not get to see them that often" 

I am at my wits end!!!  I NEED HELP - PLEASE!!!!   anyone with a different idea than what I mentioned above.  Thank you!!!

BTW - they are 3 and 5 - recently turned that age.

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 17, 2013 at 3:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PortiaRose
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 3:05 PM
1 mom liked this
Maybe spanking without warning? Like spanking to replace the screaming?
lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 3:06 PM

how old are the kids mama ?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 17, 2013 at 3:07 PM

 they are 3 and 5.  recently turned those ages. 

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

how old are the kids mama ?

 

BoopBettyBoop
by Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this

I really don't have any ideas for you, but you're not alone.  I go through the same thing, kids don't listen until mom loses it and becomes a "crazy" person, and then they are tripping all over themselves to help and do the things they should have been doing which I am now doing.  It's difficult and I try and count to 10, sometimes 20 before "shouting, screaming".  I'm not sure why kids are like that today but will be interested in hearing from other moms as well.

lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 3:16 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting Anonymous:

 they are 3 and 5.  recently turned those ages. 

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

how old are the kids mama ?


 do you get them outside enough ? so they burn off energy ? Do they have routine in their days ?From Now on you WHISPER when you feel like yelling. By whispering they have to stop what they are doing to hear you. Make sure they have things to do that keep them busy. If the TV is on all day shut it off. Have things ready for them to use. Like they can do puzzles or color while you clean up after breakfast.  Sit down with your 5 yr old. Tell him mommy is tired of yelling her thraot hurts. Yelling makes her feel bad. Mommy wants you to listen and do what is asked. I NEED you to co operate with me. Show your younger  sibling how to be a good boy/ girl. If you do this mommy will reward you.It will take time for the to get it.

You and DH need to sit down and chat. He needs to back you. I bet if he did the kids would act up a whole lot less. Tell him you understand he wants to be the good guy . But you need him to be dad 1st and so do his kids !

Surround yourself with people that add to your life not subtract from it.

just1kasz
by Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 4:55 PM
1 mom liked this

 Here are some suggestions.

Whenever you talk with them get on their eye level.  Look them in the eye. talk quietly..yes maybe even whisper.  Tell them specifically what you want, make it positive.  (ex. instead of saying Stop hitting!  you can say touch gently, or put your hands at your side,) a yes to do in place of what not to do.  Ask them to repeat back to you.  Get them to demonstrate what they are to do.  or demonstrate for them.  Make chores fun, do together things.  picture based star charts.  Rewards, consequences.  Make rewards small and frequent.  Punishments appropriate to the age.  Time out usually works if done properly.  A longt time ago I used a book on time out.  I don't remember the author but Lynne Johnson come to mind, anyway you can learn anything on the web these days.

And yes routine/ schedule is important, now we do this, now we do that.

Questions that assume they want what you want them to want.  ex.  Would you like to pick up the toys now or in five minutes?  Do you want to wear the Spiderman pjs or the Superman ones?

I think the hardest thing for any parent is consistency but children need it.

So if they have been told and warned about a consequence for bad behavior, then that consequece needs to be enforced the first time, everytime the behavior occurs. 

Prizes or rewards need to be given  or withheld as per agreement.

They are little. they have short attention spans. they need lots of review over expected behavior.

It is not clear from your post what happens when your husband is h ome after work.  Does he undermine your authority when you make requests of the kids, or try to keep them scheduled or discipline them?

Or do you silently withdraw, telling yourself, now it is his turn?  You and your husband need to be agreed on expectations, rewards, punishments. and who is the parental authority when. And you both need to agree not to undermine the authority of the other.

https://www.facebook.com/TreeOfLifeWisdom

MommyGoddess27
by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 9:03 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 17, 2013 at 9:09 PM
1 mom liked this

spank them!!!

LeKendria
by on Dec. 18, 2013 at 7:10 AM
I normally talk to my kids like they are adults (no sugar coating). Once i have explained why not to do something and they continue i spank them. If thdy continue husband handles it then all is well. Maybe they need to see dad on the same page. That could be the actual issue.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 18, 2013 at 7:59 AM

 I tried the whispering thing.  They really don't care what I have to say so they don't stop to try to hear me. 

The tV isn't on all day.  They have a play room with tons of puzzles, pretend stuff like doll house, kitchen, dress up stuff.  the sledding hill and park are literally two houses away I can see it from my balcony.  They burn a ton of energy in other stuff like gymnastics and dance and preschool. 

I have also tried explaining that I am tired of yelling and it hurts my throat - they don't care.  I explained that in a normal voice. 

 

I totally agree with you about DH - but like the kids he doesn't really care what I have to say. He is stubborn and set in his ways and if someone says he noeeds to do something, he either says he is a slave or he is an adult and will do it HIS way.  I told him he needs to back me everytime - has not donte it yet.  I firmly believe the kids will stop acting out if he did - cant get him to cooperate either. 

Thanks for the input!!! 

Quoting lucky2Beeme:


Quoting Anonymous:

 they are 3 and 5.  recently turned those ages. 

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

how old are the kids mama ?

 

 do you get them outside enough ? so they burn off energy ? Do they have routine in their days ?From Now on you WHISPER when you feel like yelling. By whispering they have to stop what they are doing to hear you. Make sure they have things to do that keep them busy. If the TV is on all day shut it off. Have things ready for them to use. Like they can do puzzles or color while you clean up after breakfast.  Sit down with your 5 yr old. Tell him mommy is tired of yelling her thraot hurts. Yelling makes her feel bad. Mommy wants you to listen and do what is asked. I NEED you to co operate with me. Show your younger  sibling how to be a good boy/ girl. If you do this mommy will reward you.It will take time for the to get it.

You and DH need to sit down and chat. He needs to back you. I bet if he did the kids would act up a whole lot less. Tell him you understand he wants to be the good guy . But you need him to be dad 1st and so do his kids !

 

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