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Am I wrong to be hurt by this?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 36 Replies

My mom usually spends an equal amount of money on us kids and on all of her grandchildren, and she usually puts a lot of thought into what she gives, too. For example, my sister really loves to read and she's going to college now, too, so Mom got her a tablet and a gift card so she could load up the ereading app with books. My brother is an avid gamer so she got him a new gaming keyboard and some video games that he'd mentioned a few months ago. But for me? I got a bath set. I'm allergic to just about every soap on the planet, so not only was this one of those crap generic gifts to start with, but it's also something I absolutely cannot use. Plus, the tablet and stuff she gave to my siblings amounted to about $300 each, whereas my giftset was $8.88 (the Walmart tag was still on it). I'm really hurt by the fact that she spent so much money and put some thought into their gifts while mine was just an afterthought cheapy thing.

Meanwhile, I went around to all her siblings and gathered up old photos to have them restored and copied into a big photo album to chronicle her life from her parents' marriage to the birth of her last grandchild, with special print pages and little stories, etc., to make it a sort of family history kind of thing. I put in a lot of thought and time into my gift to her, and a fair amount of money on the photo printing and special papers, and I get a throwaway gift?

Is it wrong for me to be hurt by this?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:24 AM
No, not at all.
by on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:28 AM
Did she say why she did that. I would take the gift set back
by on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:40 AM
No, I would be hurt too.
by Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:43 AM

 Are you sure the bath set is all she got you?  That seems really odd.

by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 25, 2013 at 12:22 PM
Spending $300 on one and $10 on another isn't right.
by on Dec. 25, 2013 at 1:03 PM

I would be upset...did she think she already gave you something else?  I agree with the other responder...that does seem odd...I would just ask her...

by Silver Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 1:15 PM
That does seem really strange. I would definitely feel hurt. It is such a huge difference in thoughtfulness. She knows you are highly allergic, so why a cheap bathset?? I would ask her about it.
by on Dec. 25, 2013 at 2:32 PM

Does she help you out in different ways during the year?  I have 2 cousins, both in their mid 20s.  One has a drug issue, lives with mom.  She has everything paid for.   Her sister works, has her own house, no kids and is not a burden at all.  The cousin that is supported by mom gets a cheaper gift than the other one.  The well off cousin also gives her mom a nice gift while the druggie gives nothing. 

by Silver Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 3:07 PM
Of course that hurt you. How could it not? One year my MIL spent hundreds on everyone, and gave me a shower curtain.... For the bathtub that has sliding doors. Unlike your mom, who you know loves you, i knew how she felt about me. I smiled, thanked her, and put it in my car intending to take it to goodwill. I am a midwife, and one of my clients forgot to get a plastic cover for the bed. I ran to my car, we covered her mattress, had a baby on it, and then tossed it. What she meant as mean turned into good. It seems very odd that she gave you what she did. Maybe you could ask her if she is upset with you sbout something and if she asks why you want to know, be up front with her about things. But no, you are not wrong. Gifts that have thought behind them are more important than the dollar amount. You want to know your mom thought about you, and knows what would make you hasppy.
by on Dec. 25, 2013 at 4:15 PM

Totally understandable why you would be hurt, she put so much effort into your siblings gifts but not yours. I would ask her whats up. My mom spends more on my nieces then my boys but that is ok, we provide for them and my nieces don't have as much. We also live so far away she will periodcially send little things to them to say she misses them. My mom also spends more on me and my husband than she does on my brothers and there wives...we talk multiple times a day and help with what ever we can, she even comes out twice a year and stays for weeks vs my brothers, she is lucky to get a call once a month and they don't help her at all when one of them lives close by. If your family dynamic doesn't explain the gift I would definately talk to her.

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