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The Cafe The Cafe

Trust Issues

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 23 Replies

I have MAJOR trust issues. I am very aware of them and I cannot change how my brain functions but I can control how or if I act on them. It's to the point where when my boyfriend tells me he's going to bed early, I picture him in bed with another woman and that's why he's telling me so that I won't text or call him. Am I the only crazy person with this extent of trust issues?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 3, 2014 at 10:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 11:06 PM
2 moms liked this

You need Professional help. I am not trying to be mean. You are way over the edge about this. Someone must have hurt you badly. Get the help you need before you drive him away.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 3, 2014 at 11:08 PM

yea. You need to go talk to someone. That is very unhealthy.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 3, 2014 at 11:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Sadly I have similar issues when SO is texting someone I'll ask who and he will say a friend but immediately I'll think it's a girl and it's about how horrible I am or how he wants to be with her. If he goes out to the bar and stops texting me I think he's hitting on someone. I've tried just letting it go but it just ends up building up and now he's getting annoyed and I hate it but idk how to change.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 3, 2014 at 11:55 PM
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I'm sure you're not the only person.

However, if he hasn't ever given you reason to think that he would actually do that behavior than your lack of trust is verging on disfunction. Think of like a 'functional alcoholic', they are an alcoholic yet can generally go about their day without their addiction and consumption affecting others. At the same time every time they drink, there is the possibility that they could affect someone in their lives or a stranger. The same is true of your lack of trust. It may not be impacting your daily life aside from causing yourself misery, but eventually it could harm your relationship with your boyfriend.

I have a trust issue myself. I am too trusting of most everyone. But once my trust has been broken its hard to gain it back. IE my husband had emotional affairs with two ex-girlfriends, yet keeps his ex-wife at a far distance. He would engage in cyber sex, chat and other cyber fantasy with 'local' women. And he lied about it. Then got mad when he got caught, again and again. We went to marriage counseling and has a sexual obsession that we are trying to work through. But in reality, he broke my heart, again and again. I don't know that I can ever trust him 100% again. I'm working on that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 4, 2014 at 10:30 AM

I honestly don't know why I'm like this. I've never been emotionally or physically cheated on my someone I loved. I have my theories but still not sure. I have thought about seeing a therapist but I am going through a nasty divorce and I'm sure he'd try to use that against me.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 4, 2014 at 10:59 AM
You need serious counseling.
starlite204
by on Jan. 4, 2014 at 2:36 PM

the only way you will believe him is to go to his place ,when he says hes going to bed and tell him you wanted to  surprise him! if hes alone acouple of unanounced visits then you need to trust him. you must have thoughs feelings for a reason!!

momofsixangels
by Colleen on Jan. 4, 2014 at 3:52 PM


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

You need Professional help. I am not trying to be mean. You are way over the edge about this. Someone must have hurt you badly. Get the help you need before you drive him away.

This and hugs

srehman
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 4:22 PM
Has your s/o other done anything to make you feel this anxious about him?
You should seek professional help.
If you aren't able to trust him then the relationship is already over. You should probably work on you first and explain this to your s/o and they can decide if they want to help and support you through this or let you work on you.
Trust IMO is the basis of a relationship. Idk what it's like now to be single or go through this bc I've been married (to the same man) for 12 years. So, I can't fully understand not trusting bc I haven't been hurt that way. But, trust is a huge factor in a relationship. So, my advice is talk with your s/o and seek help. You can't fix something if both parties don't know what's wrong. Okay. ;-) good luck sweetie!
withsecond
by on Jan. 4, 2014 at 6:51 PM
This

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

You need Professional help. I am not trying to be mean. You are way over the edge about this. Someone must have hurt you badly. Get the help you need before you drive him away.

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