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cannot deal with his BM anymore

Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies

My Dh cannot deal with his BM anymore. She is so verbally abusive and accuses him of things he didn't do on the regular.

As in the last incident. She told DH on his 4 hour visitation to MAKE valentines from a template she wanted him to do. She told him she dind't want to buy the "cheap ones" so she demanded that he make them with his son. When he tried to do them with his son he had no interest and threw a fit so he didn't force him to do them. When DH brought SS back to BM house she threatened DH and said that he is a undependable prick and that the only person he hurt was his son. (We know that she makes SS feel guilty when anyone doesn't do what she wants so most likely she made him feel bad that he didn't do them when asked and then threw DH under the bus.) She said SS was crying and said that DH wouldn't let him make the valentines when she asked him why he didn't do them.

I can't blame DH that he doesn't want to deal with her anymore and it's to the point after 4 years that she does this on a regular basis that him nor I want to be around SS anymore due to SS's lying and making situations worse when it comes to BM and he accusatory and harassing behavior. Is that bad or wrong of us to feel this way?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2014 at 3:49 PM
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by Member on Feb. 12, 2014 at 10:43 AM
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No I don't blame you for not liking the birth mom, but the child is the innocent one in this. Yes he causes problems at your house, but can you really blame him? He HAS to live with the woman.

I would suggest that your husband contacts his lawyer about his ex alienating the child from his father, most judges frown on it.

by Gr8d8n3mom on Feb. 12, 2014 at 11:04 AM
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First off, Your DH is divorced from his X. He doesn't have to do anything she tells him. He is a grown man, if Bm wanted home made valentines, BM does it. DH can buy valentines for SS's school if that is what Dh wanted to do. (who decided which parent was to be responsible for the valentines anyway?) 

Second. Your DH needs to break ties from this vial woman , set up an email account for contact about SS only. She is to contact DH thu this account about anything concerning SS. Phone calls are also to ONLY be about SS. IF she calls and it doesn't pertain to SS. DH just politely says, Sorry this isn't about SS like I told you, and hang up. I would also suggest to try to get SS in counseling. 

I have seen first hand what this type of behavior from manipulative, mouthy backstabbing mother can do to kids. She says things in front of the child and Alienates them from the father. It can only get worse and will.  Yes, she will make the child feel guilty. She will (if she doesn't all ready) tell the child how lonely she is when he is gone with his dad. etc. 

Keep pick ups and drop offs as quick and simple as possible, don't be nasty but don't carry on conversations either. Remember they are divorced, He is his own person, his own house his own rules there. She can not dictate what he does, and that is what is pissing her off. there is a great step parent group here called "Step Parenting" it's a great group very nice ppl, they don't allow drama, and give great advice. 

I recommend trying it, you need a place to vent, step parenting is hard, and most of the time the step parent is to blame. I'm speaking from experience. I told my DH had I known his X was going to be like she is, as much as I love him I would have waited until his last kid graduated high school before we married. She acutally got worse after we got married! (3 yrs to go!!!) 

I've kept quite about all her comments and remarks about me and my DD. until she made a comment about my DD, then wouldn't let my DD drive out of our Drive way. I had to go out there, when she realized I was almost to her car, she squealed tires to back out of the way.

I told DH all bets are off now. She isn't going to drag MY DD into her Batshyt crazy headed stuff, I'm not going to look for trouble, but if she opens that can of worms she better be ready for battle. Just because I've been quiet doesn't mean I'm afraid of her. Far from it. I've dealt with a whole lot in my life, she is just a speck of dust!

I would consult DH's attorney, and document everything, all the incidents that happen in front of SS. Keep an on going journal. Good Luck 

by Michelle on Feb. 12, 2014 at 11:18 AM

I think she was wrong to get upset that your SS and DH didn't complete the Valentines. You tried but the child refused, what can you do.. not your fault. The child is innocent and caught in the middle of the parents disagreements, and maybe he felt like he had to lie to get out of trouble with BM. Best wishes, I know it can be tough. I have a SD.

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by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 12:30 PM

 I have been there. Maybe a change in custody is in order. I know for a while sd would tell bm whatever she wanted to hear to make sure she didn't get yelled at.

by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 2:48 AM

i THINK i don't think you are wrong. but i must admit i got bogged down w/ all the initials.

by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 2:52 AM
Why does your husband only have 4 hour visitation and not an entire weekend or 50/50 custody? He really should file for more parenting time.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:56 PM

He has EOW friday afterschool to Sunday and during the week he has him 4 hours tues and thurs.

Quoting Jennyanne322: Why does your husband only have 4 hour visitation and not an entire weekend or 50/50 custody? He really should file for more parenting time.

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