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Do you think not having sex lets you think more rationally?

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Posted by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 10:10 AM
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I’m a Born Again Virgin Because Sex & Dating Don’t Mix

by The Stir Bloggers

Sex is my enemy. Okay, it's not my enemy. I don't have anything against sex per se. In fact, I look forward to it in a loving, committed relationship. But because I want a loving, committed relationship, I am determined not to have it again until I'm in that. None of this testing out the waters stuff. None of that, let's have sex first, figure out the rest later. Sex chemicals bond you to a person; they fog up your brain; and they pollute your good judgment. None of that for me while I'm getting to know someone. So, no more sex for me while I'm dating.

Oh, sure. It didn't used to be like this. Once I got out of my marriage and began dating again, I was dying to get laid (excuse my language, we're all adults here). My ex and I hadn't had sex in ages and I was in my mid-30s, my hormones were surging and I was raring to go!

The next thing I knew, I was involved with a guy for several years -- and the relationship never really moved to the next level. But I couldn't seem to break it off entirely with him because of those sex chemicals. They scrambled my mind to the point where no matter what thing I found out about him that made my brain go "Whaaa?" and "Ewww!" my other brain went, "Oh, he's not so bad. Besides, he's totally hot and I want to hit the sheets with him tonight."

I began making excuses for him. He'd say something appalling and I'd dismiss it as him having a bad day or making a joke. I stopped asking him to discuss serious things because, frankly, I didn't want to hear anything that would make me think I needed to stop having sex with him.

So after finally (finally!) calling it quits on that relationship -- something I should have done on date two -- I began dating again. And this time, no sex. I don't know how long I will go without it, but it definitely won't be until I am sure I am in a committed relationship. Hell, I may even wait for an engagement ring, though that might be pushing it. There is a part of me that would at least want to know if I gel sexually with a man before committing my body to him for eternity.

The no-sex policy is doing me another favor -- quickly weeding out the guys who are more interested in sex than me. That type, once they figure out by date three that nookie is not in the cards, jump ship. And you know what? I do not care. Because I didn't have sex with them, therefore I don't have a false sense of intimacy and bonding with them. So when they bail, I'm all, "Oh, did that guy not call me for a week?" Shrug.

Emails, texts and calls? I don't stress about them. If they happen, they happen. If not, no biggie. Again, no sex chemicals to turn my mind to mush and make me panic because it's been four hours since some dude texted me.

More From The Stir: Men Say This Sex Act Is Okay on the First Date but Should We Believe Them?

I want to have my brain clear to make decisions based on emotional compatibility, not penis size. As Dr. Seth Meyers writes in Dr. Seth's Love Prescription:

Any physical behavior you share with a man can bond you to him emotionally and you need ... to determine whether he is worth your time and energy.

I definitely don't want to become attached too quickly to anyone, lest he turn out to be a serial killer who is just joking around or having a bad day when he kills people! I'm being sarcastic, but you get my point. No more making excuses for jerks.

If he's a jerk, I'll know it, because it won't be my vagina that's controlling things, but my intellect.

Do you think not having sex lets you think more rationally?

by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 10:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 12, 2014 at 12:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Uh, no, at least not for me. You know that Seinfeld episode where they abstain and George suddenly gets smarter while Elaine gets really, really stupid? Yep, she's pretty much me, lol.

SylviaNCali
by Member on Feb. 12, 2014 at 6:14 PM
1 mom liked this

I think it helps for both men and women to get to know each other some before engaging in sex. Things are normally great at the start but time tells you if the person is sincere about what they really want.

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LadyBast
by Brenda on Feb. 12, 2014 at 7:39 PM

I am not sure, I think after sex you think love the next morning you may think different... JMO

LadyBast
by Brenda on Feb. 12, 2014 at 7:40 PM

Need this in Love & marriage too :)

m.garcia21
by Member on Feb. 12, 2014 at 8:02 PM
Yup i agree i figured this out when i became a single mom and i dated someone. Then i started dating my dh we didnt have sex til our wedding night we had only bn dating 3 months. But id known him for 7 years from before and we both knew what we wanted making him wait was my way of making sure lol
RitaTequila531
by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 8:20 PM
It depends on my hormone and stress level
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sonnyswoman75
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 5:30 PM
I agree with this because I was a victim of letting a loser stay in my life because the sex was so good.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 15, 2014 at 2:44 AM

Born again virgin? OMG the crap people come up with.

want10more
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2014 at 4:39 AM

nope not a bit. i'm as in charge of my lady bits as i am my brain. and never have i checked my mind at the door just for a lil horizontal mambo. my @W#*%&W*#$ mgiht have made the call  more than once, but my head still knew what my southern regions were up to!

Sister_Someone
by Member on Feb. 15, 2014 at 5:31 AM

 Fuck no. On the contrary, not having sex makes me snappy and irritated.

But then, sex does not require a relationship in my book. When I'm looking for sex, that's just it. I don't need to know him for that. All I care about is whether he has had any STDs during the last six months. I couldn't care less what's his favorite color, and I sure as all hell don't expect a call from him the next morning.

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