HOW WILL MY KIDS BE AFFECTED - SHORT AND LONG TERM? HOW DO I PREPARE FOR WHAT THEY WILL NEED EMOTIONALLY WITHOUT A DAD? WHAT ARE THE DYNAMICS OF SPF?
Hello! I am currently married, but am severely depressed. I cry daily, and feel like I just can't function anymore. I have some health issues appearing, probably due to my stress levels.
I got married and left everything I know - my job, my friends, everything. My husband is a great guy to his family (family meaning mom, siblings, nieces, and nephews - NOT wife and kids). Once we got married he decided his view of marriiage was going to be wife at home cooking, cleaning, and taking care of kids. I am not allowed to have a life outside of the home. I cannot even answer the door for fear it will be a male selling something or whatever. If it is a male, my husband swears I must have something going on with him. So, he is rather controlling and possessive. I am not used to that. I waited until I was in my 30's to even get married, I am used to being social. (Social means talking on the phone or going to get togethers with a group of friends once a month or two. My friends from back home -since I don't know anyone here really - and I don't drink or smoke or anything either.) My children cannot have friends over either. NO one in our home. :( I feel suffocated living like this. I am used to being a career woman and think men should do their part in the house too.
I am called lazy, stupid, useless, and other much stronger words I will not repeat here. It has been a battle to get my kids to respect me. Both of them have emotional problems with the chaos in our home.
They love their father dearly. He is wonderful with them when he is in a good mood. He has his days, weeks, or months, though, that are horrible to live with. He is passive aggressive. He gives our hyperactive ds chocolate, candy, juice, etc. daily. He feels kids do not need glasses, nor dental work.. He just has a very different way of thinking. We have to use a horrible clinic for any basic medical needs, as he does not want to spend money on specialists. I just find life with him totally depressing and frustrating.
I feel anxious I am going to be 60 someday, without a job, retirement, self-esteem, good health care, etc. I don't want to have nothing when I am old, and have no way to support myself (AKA retirement, house, etc.) when he finally throws me out of his house.
I don't want to destroy the kids by taking their dad away. I don't have a job; I don't have anything anymore. I will have to move across the country to go home and re-gain my life IF I can find a job. Will I screw my kids up for life by taking their dad out of their lives? I would like to hear from people who have worked with single-parent families and ppl who are part of spf. What did you do? Was it suffering? Should I just suck it up and make lemonade out of lemons?