I need to cut my mother out of my life, for my own mental health.
She used to be very,very controlling and now that she's found that she can't "control" by being mean she's trying to control by playing "the poor me card" as dh calls it.
I cut contact about 5 years ago for a good 1 1/2-2 years and it was wonderful. I did have that little voice saying your supposed to have a relationship because thats what society dictates. One of the only reason I started talking to her again was for my little brother.
Before you ask the things she used to do where like if we got into a fight she would call cps and make up random things like my son wasn't in school ( he was 18 months) My husband beat me or is locking my in the basement ( we didn't have a basement) That I had a dog fighting ring in my basement, just stupid lies that's she knew where lies and wouldn't get my children taken away but just to show she could control. Really anything can set her off. If you tell her that no we didn't eat carrots this week but broccoli, your a bad mother. If you take I took my kid to McDonald's, I'm feeding them nothing but junk, If you don't then your neglecting them because they never get special treats. It was like a crazy rollercoster. Since I've started talking to her she still does little/big things but knows not to call cps because DH said he would get a restraining order if she ever tried that again.
She babied my brother too much and now he's 17. He is failing school. Lies, steals, ect because she's allowed it. He will lie straight to your face and try to make you look like the lier even if he's caught red handed. He doesn't clean up after himself. He actually pees the bed. Not because there's anything wrong, he just likes it and since mom will just change the sheets, he doesn't care. ( It's nasty and I'm sick of my home smelling like it when he visits)
A couple years ago she came up with the big idea that since my kids are good kids, He should come over every weekend and we'll discipline him. Dh said umm NO, how the hell is that even supposed to work.
She always needs me to take him for "her breaks" Idk, When's my break. Somehow she's informed me and other family members that now I'm in-charge of his homework. How is that supposed to work. I don't even see him daily or even weekely and I can't go to his school to do anything about it.
She "needed" me to take him for a week. I told her I would think about it. She dropped him off at my house and just left. I had to take him to school everyday and she pretty much said Hi,bye when I called her. I was so close to calling cps on her because I never even said I would take him. She just assumes because she request something, you jump and say how high.
Now she's pulling that she can't raise him. She wants me to take him.
I was going to but dh made some great points. 1. He has no desireto change. 2. She's going to use it as a control measure to dictate how we do things in our home. 3. It's going to make our kids life hell for many,many reasons. 4. Our kids don't want their rooms smelling like pee. 5. Dh believes that she's trying to give him to me since technically he's old enough to move out (but she can't kick him out) so she can save face and tell everyone he moved out ,blame me for him failing school and the rest of his problems ( which I can 100% totally she her doing)
I'm just at a loss here. If I don't go along with what ever she commands, she's going to really start crap in my life. It's come down to cut contact or deal with it. She makes me a emotional mess 1/2 the time because I have no clue what the heck she expects me to do. I know your supposed to be there for family but I see this is turning into a blame me game.