Teachers forced to stop using red ink?! What other red items should be banned? *sarcasm*
by Jeanne Sager
Mom. Dad. It has come to our attention that there is a real problem in our schools. I know what you're thinking. Bullies. Kids going hungry. Common Core! Alas, it is none of those. Have you heard of the detrimental effects of teachers using, shudder, RED PEN?
You haven't? Well then! You are about to be schooled in the danger of all things red. See, Mounts Bay Academy over in Jolly Old has forced its teachers to replace their pens with green and purple when they mark up students' worksheets because "red ink was a very negative colour."
Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.
WHAT have we been doing to our kids all these years? My God, man, this must be stopped!
In fact, now that I think about it, there's an awful lot of red in my daughter's school. An AWFUL lot of negativity.
Now that the folks at Mounts Bay have opened my eyes, I am on a mission! Pens are NOT enough ... just look at all the things we must get out of our schools because, well, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
All of these are pretty dang serious, but #6 absolutely must go. NOW!!!
1. Red Light, Green Light
Sorry, gym teachers, but all games of Red Light, Green Light will have to cease immediately. Oh, and no more Red Rover, either.
Maybe you can bring back dodgeball?
2. Red Apples for the Teacher
Sorry, Teach, but your favorite treat is off-limits. From now on you will have to make do with Golden Delicious.
Watch out kindergarten!! Your crayon box is under attack!!
4. Valentine's Day
Think schools are going too far with their bans on holidays? Sorry, but Valentine's Day has got to go! Unless they'd consider black hearts this year?
5. Red LEGOs
Sorry kids, but a portion of the LEGO bricks will have to be sorted out and carted away. But there's always those pink LEGO bricks everyone was all upset about!
6. Red Lipstick
Teachers, principals, even the lunch lady had best get themselves to Sephora pronto. No more red lipstick! Might I suggest a shade of coral?
7. Art Room Color Wheel
My apologies to the art teachers, but we're just going to have to take that color wheel.
Actually, we might have to shut down the art program entirely. We hear they use red clay in pottery class.
8. Red Chairs
Do the chairs at your kid's school look like this? Uh oh!
Exercise balls for everyone!
Repeat after me, kids: OY G. BIV. Got that? OY G. BIV. Don't know who that Roy character your mom is talking about is. Maybe she ate too much Red Dye No. 2 when she was a kid?
What else do we need to add to the list?