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Needing some BFF advice!

Posted by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:18 PM
  • 17 Replies

Well, I have this best friend of ten years. We haven't been best friends for 10 consecutive years, but we've known and associated with each other for that long - to say the least.

This girl is NEVER (ever ever ever) happy for me in life. She only seems to let off positive vibes into my life when I'm down and out, and when she's in a "better" spot than me in life. We seem to have a falling out at least twice a year, and no matter what, if she apologizes... I will always forgive her and we'll be friends again. Until the next episode. I know you're thinking the same thing I am right now: why won't I just end the friendship and never speak to her again? It's seriously that hard for me. Because she's a best friend, when we go long periods of time without speaking, I miss our friendship and the fun times we spent together! I guess I'm seeking advice on how to end this relationship for good, without making up and acting like her behavior isn't an issue. Also, what she does that bothers me the most, is involving herself into my life to the point of basically wanting me to live my life based off of her point of views. I've asked her why she does this, and she says it's because she "cares" and my other friends/family who don't share their opinions of my life "don't care"... it doesn't make sense. She comments on my job as a personal assistant saying my (male) boss is a pervert for hiring me. He's an older, single man, and I told her he probably hired me because I'm a female and young. She comments on my friends, because they like to drink and go out recreationally. She comments on my past, because who doesn't have a perfect past? All of her comments usually start through social media. I'll send out a SnapChat of myself at work, or ask her to go to lunch on Facebook... and she'll reply saying, "I have a normal 9-5 job, I can't just take a lunch whenever." She'll say my job isn't "normal," because I don't have a set 9-5 schedule. Anything I bring up mostly having to do with my job, boyfriend, my son... will trigger her bitchy attitude.

I am trying to figure this all out... do you ladies think this is jealousy? Does she have other issues? I just don't get it. And I'm almost positive she started acting like this when I healed from my past, and my life started getting better. She was just a best friend at one time... it all just really hurts my feelings.

by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 28, 2014 at 1:16 AM

too high school to spend any time thinking abiut

believer_57
by New Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 1:22 AM
1 mom liked this

She's jealous.  Trying to build herself up at your expense.  Drop her, you'll feel better in the long run!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 28, 2014 at 1:25 AM

I would approach it like you were leaving a controlling verbally abusive relationship. Because honestly that is what it sounds like. I cannot give any personal advice other than stop talking to her, but it sounds like you have a dependency on her that would make that harder than normal. All I can say is that Google is a friend that wont let you down.

iamcafemom83
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 1:43 AM
I just let my.friend of many years go. She was very self centered. I finally realized I was tired of it!!

You just start by not returning phone calls or texts. If she asks you to do something, you have other plans already.

Take her off your fb feed and eventually delete her.

Another thing that helped me.was branching out with friends who weren't like her. I now had more time to get to know them. It helped hanging with new friends.

This is a bit of a process. Definitely the passive way of doing it. Unless you have a big fight that just ends it, this is pretty effective at getting the drama out of your life. .
Mom-does-hair
by Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 1:46 AM
Toxic. You need to dump her. A friend does not make you feel bad. They support you and lift you up. She's not a friend.
lebeautydiaries
by Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 10:27 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

I would approach it like you were leaving a controlling verbally abusive relationship. Because honestly that is what it sounds like. I cannot give any personal advice other than stop talking to her, but it sounds like you have a dependency on her that would make that harder than normal. All I can say is that Google is a friend that wont let you down.

Haha, Google has definitely never let me down! And I never realized it, but I must have some sort of codependency issue for always taking her back. I think I'm always trying to hope for our friendship to be like it used to be, when I take her back, and I've realized that that's probably not the case and will never be. 

lebeautydiaries
by Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 10:32 AM


Quoting iamcafemom83: I just let my.friend of many years go. She was very self centered. I finally realized I was tired of it!! You just start by not returning phone calls or texts. If she asks you to do something, you have other plans already. Take her off your fb feed and eventually delete her. Another thing that helped me.was branching out with friends who weren't like her. I now had more time to get to know them. It helped hanging with new friends. This is a bit of a process. Definitely the passive way of doing it. Unless you have a big fight that just ends it, this is pretty effective at getting the drama out of your life. .

Shortly after our agrument yesterday, I deleted her off of every social networking app and blocked her. I typically don't delete her, because in the past I wanted to prove to her that life still goes on, even outside of our friendship. I wanted her to know that I don't NEED her in my life. And that would always lead to her contacting me to apologize about talking to me so fucked up. However, I wanted to block her this time, because I'm done. I don't want to exist to her anymore. I can forgive her, but that doesn't mean we have to be friends.

I feel so immature for even posting this thread! Lol

iamcafemom83
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 11:51 AM
"I can forgive her but that doesn't mean we have to friends"

I couldn't have said it better myself!!
It is about moving on to better things. You will probably go through a small mourning period and that is fine. I did. When someone has been in your life for so long, I think it's normal.

I think you'll also soon feel like a weight has been lifted once the drama is gone. I say, good for you for cleaning house and working towards your own happiness!!!


Quoting lebeautydiaries:

Quoting iamcafemom83: I just let my.friend of many years go. She was very self centered. I finally realized I was tired of it!!

You just start by not returning phone calls or texts. If she asks you to do something, you have other plans already.

Take her off your fb feed and eventually delete her.

Another thing that helped me.was branching out with friends who weren't like her. I now had more time to get to know them. It helped hanging with new friends.

This is a bit of a process. Definitely the passive way of doing it. Unless you have a big fight that just ends it, this is pretty effective at getting the drama out of your life. .

Shortly after our agrument yesterday, I deleted her off of every social networking app and blocked her. I typically don't delete her, because in the past I wanted to prove to her that life still goes on, even outside of our friendship. I wanted her to know that I don't NEED her in my life. And that would always lead to her contacting me to apologize about talking to me so fucked up. However, I wanted to block her this time, because I'm done. I don't want to exist to her anymore. I can forgive her, but that doesn't mean we have to be friends.

I feel so immature for even posting this thread! Lol

rae316
by on Mar. 28, 2014 at 6:21 PM
Honestly, she doesn't sound like much of a friend.
stcy79
by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:50 PM
Your thinking shes ur bff but a true friend will be there for u when ur down and celebrate with you when things are good. I would tell her if she cant truly do those 2 things then this so called friendship is over!

Our angel was born to heaven on 1/10/2014 at 14wks 3days.

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