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The Cafe The Cafe

Need others opinions of my friends

Posted by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 7:57 AM
  • 16 Replies

Hi -

I am an event planner and I have a rental business.  Therefore.... all my friends have great access to my inventory.  However it gets awkward when... two of my girlfriends planned my baby shower.  A shower I provided most everything for - my tables, my linens, my balloon decor ( I paid for balloons) my menu ( I even paid for 50% of the food) and I paid delivery labor and set up but they did go out and get nice invites and paid for a portion of the gifts to the guests (I paid for the container they paid for pots and seeds to go in the planter) and they went out of their way to provide extra food and paid for that.  So here is the thing.  I always feel like because I had a large shower ( invited 120 // 70 + showed) I put them out to have them be paying for what they did.  I know it is the responsibility of the people who step up to do the shower to pay for the items.  However, since the shower.... all their party stuff has been free.  I have provided tables and linens for each of these ladies events and delivery (which I have to pay a guy for) and I have loaned them things for school events and even bouce houses for parties.  I don't know what they actually spent on my shower but at some point I don't think I owe them free stuff.  Our other friends pay the family and friend discount rate.  I have always been a "giver" and many people say I am overly generous but that always leads to hurt feelings for me.  I just don't know if I should be stepping up and saying - hey I can't give you this for free just because you gave me a shower ( they won't have showers in the future they are done with babies)  or if I should continue the awkward dance.  I think I know my answer but I was wondering if anyone had any "social etiquette" advice on this subject.  Thanks!

by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 7:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 31, 2014 at 8:31 AM
4 moms liked this

How long ago was the shower they gave you? Maybe next time one of them wants to do something, you could just say, "Sure, that sounds great, and I'll even give you the friends and family discount of X so it'll be X amount." If they balk at that, you could say, "I run a business, so I unfortunately cannot continue to do freebies." If they still balk, bump them. You have to do what's best for your business and if they don't understand that, then they're not good friends.

MountieMama
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 8:34 AM
What the first poster said! You're not obligated to always give things for free
Roo1234
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 8:37 AM
You need to keep business and friendship separate. When they all simply say, "I can give it to you at my cost" which I'd far different from "free"
notuseless
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 8:41 AM
You need to run a business and you will loose the business if they continue to get free party supplies, they threw you the shower out of their own pockets because they care. if they get mad that you are charging then they are just using you.
silverthreads
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 9:00 AM

I agree you need to keep business and friendship separate.  Practice saying you can give them the family discount in front of the mirror!  And do it.  They are using you.  Really take inventory of how you are being taken advantage of, especially how you pay someone to deliver free stuff!  If you lose friends over this then they were not real friends to begin with.  GL

sadmom71
by New Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 11:26 AM

Thanks for the validation.  The shower was almost 2 years ago and they have each had a large 60+ person event with tables and linens... saying they would pay but didn't.  When the baby was born she went into the NICU for 69 days and she will be needing care for the rest o her life.  So our lives didn't get  easier and I have fewer friends now because my circle compacted when my social life tanked.  I don't regret that I suppose I just on't want to lose theones I feel closest to but you are totally right - if anyone should understand it's them and if they don't then they are not truly the friends they purport to be.  Thank you for the reinforcing opinions I just wanted to do a "check in" to make sure I wasn't just being socially wrong by assuming they did my shower an now I don't owe them.  I would host a shower for either of them in a heartbeat and never expect anything in return BUT I don't think I should have to host all of their other occassions.

shaye
by Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 12:25 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

How long ago was the shower they gave you? Maybe next time one of them wants to do something, you could just say, "Sure, that sounds great, and I'll even give you the friends and family discount of X so it'll be X amount." If they balk at that, you could say, "I run a business, so I unfortunately cannot continue to do freebies." If they still balk, bump them. You have to do what's best for your business and if they don't understand that, then they're not good friends.

Dead on correct. Like the guy on bar rescue says, are you running a charity or a business??? You are doing this to MAKE money NOT friends.  You already seem to know your answer hon. stay strong and I wish you the best of luck and that friends, stay true and understand. BLessings!!!!

happymommy1105
by on Apr. 1, 2014 at 4:17 PM
Why don't you just flat out tell them it's not free, it costs you money and you can't afford for them to continue to use it for free.
ZamilyMom
by Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 4:48 PM

 Perfect!

Quoting Anonymous:

How long ago was the shower they gave you? Maybe next time one of them wants to do something, you could just say, "Sure, that sounds great, and I'll even give you the friends and family discount of X so it'll be X amount." If they balk at that, you could say, "I run a business, so I unfortunately cannot continue to do freebies." If they still balk, bump them. You have to do what's best for your business and if they don't understand that, then they're not good friends.

 

nana776
by Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 8:41 PM

Ok, let me see if I have this right. They threw you a shower that you provided all the big ticket items for, plus footed the bill for paying your employees. And I assume that you did most of the coordinating for the items to be delivered and set up. Then they each have had fairly large parties that they promised to pay for then didn't.....so basically stole services from you.

Hell, I wouldn't even give them the friends and family discount. I would also make them pay up front. Honey, they have already shown you their true colors.

Quoting sadmom71:

Thanks for the validation.  The shower was almost 2 years ago and they have each had a large 60+ person event with tables and linens... saying they would pay but didn't.  When the baby was born she went into the NICU for 69 days and she will be needing care for the rest o her life.  So our lives didn't get  easier and I have fewer friends now because my circle compacted when my social life tanked.  I don't regret that I suppose I just on't want to lose theones I feel closest to but you are totally right - if anyone should understand it's them and if they don't then they are not truly the friends they purport to be.  Thank you for the reinforcing opinions I just wanted to do a "check in" to make sure I wasn't just being socially wrong by assuming they did my shower an now I don't owe them.  I would host a shower for either of them in a heartbeat and never expect anything in return BUT I don't think I should have to host all of their other occassions.


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