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my 16 mo old.......idk what to do

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies
Ok basic timeline.... he turned 1 in Jan , daddy moved out right after (he's a total daddy's boy) the beginning of April we moved in with my parents until I could get things back together.

All 3 of my kids have been acting out. I do understand that's normal with all the changes and stress.

The baby screams ALL day. He's throwing tantrums, he throws things. And refuses to eat half the time. He went from such a happy baby to making my ears bleed daily.... even when there's nothing wrong he just tell yells to yell. He follows me everywhere and its Hell if i even shut the door to pee.

Im not big on spanking especially at that age. Timeout is a game, and talking to him you might as well talk to a wall.

Somebody please give me some ideas on what to do ...i really can't take anymore

Posted by Anonymous on May. 8, 2014 at 8:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 8, 2014 at 8:10 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 8, 2014 at 8:10 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 8, 2014 at 8:31 AM

you just have to keep doing what your doing and have patience and understand they are also going through a rough time...my husband ran off with some girl this week so i understand. i am moving next week to my parents and it going to be rough. my ds4  is a daddy's boy and has his anger to go with it. time out is sucky but eventually it will work. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 8, 2014 at 8:33 AM

You have to discipline them.  What are you doing when they are acting out??

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 8, 2014 at 8:48 AM

 It sounds like he's afraid of losing you too which is why he is following you everywhere and yells when you are out of his sight.He can't express himeslf in words right now so yelling is all he do.He probably misses his dad like crazy and his heart is hurting.Let him spend time with his dad, maybe even weekends.You sound like you need a break and he needs some time with his dad.

auntangelofsix
by Angel on May. 8, 2014 at 11:45 AM
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Woodbabe
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2014 at 12:19 PM

Is he getting much outside time? I bet if he burns a ton on energy outside on a daily basis it would help him cope with his stress. I'd up the park playtime. If he's tantruming there, it will be easier to distract him into doing something else!

Malibudreamin
by on May. 8, 2014 at 3:49 PM

He is 1. He doesnt understand what is going on. I would get the two older ones in counseling though.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 9, 2014 at 8:08 AM
I've really thought about it. I just hate to put them through that. They have moments but for the most part still do well. The baby is the one out of control. I know he don't understand but none of us can take his been behavior, my parents are 70 a non stop screaming 1 yr old don't mesh well....

Quoting Malibudreamin:

He is 1. He doesnt understand what is going on. I would get the two older ones in counseling though.

waldorfmom
by on May. 9, 2014 at 4:08 PM
1 mom liked this

First, put some pieces of cotton ball into your ears when you first get up in the morning. I'm not kidding. Cotton to soften the impact of the noise, but you can still hear everything just fine.

(My 2nd child was LOUD!LOUD!, and I found myself snapping at him simply because he shredded my nerves)

I remember when our 3rd was 16 months old, and we had just moved. I basically carried her on my hip all day long. She was always in the same room with me, she sat when I sat, etc. I didn't think about it -- it was what she needed to be happy, so I did it.

If I went to put her down and she clung to me, then I just kept holding her because she obviously needed it.

Washing dishes took a little longer, of course, since she would get deep peace and satisfaction in playing with the running water ...

Doing laundry was more strenuous at first, but my muscles soon got stronger ...

Folding laundry involved sitting her down and piling the clothes about her, helping her feel centrally included as I did my task.

In fact, I think that's probably very key: making sure that your little one is centrally included throughout your day. 

Even when my daughter needed her nap, I lay down WITH her until she fell asleep. We had moved into an unfamiliar environment, and we had new people coming into the house every day. We had moved into a Pre-school/Daycare setting in which I was the owner and teacher, and I had an assistant since it was a 12-child program ... so there were LOTS of extra people coming and going, and my daughter needed to be able to observe everything from the safety of my arms.

I taught the singing and movement games with the children, the crafts, bread-making, going outside to run in the grass or be in the sandbox or on the swings, sitting together for snack/lunch ... all those activities were do-able with her in my arms or sitting beside me.

As to spanking/time-outs/talking ... it's important to realize that disciplining a child is a farce until they are mentally developed enough to deal with cause-and-effect, with consequences ... heck until they are able to have even the tiniest bit of self-control !!

A child younger than 4 does not have self-awareness, let alone self-control! If he is whining or crying for something, it is because he truly NEEDS it, exactly like he needs food when he's famished, or sleep when he's worn out.

No amount of punishment is going to make a hungry child not hungry.

It's a pretty big compliment, actually, to have him really desperate for your warm attention, for your holding and playing with him, radiating joy and approval. He deeply loves you, and your presence is uniquely healing for him.

If he is missing his father, then you want to fill that aching gap with delightedly embracing him and helping him to feel that every next minute is about to be wonderful.

It is worth your effort. ... I live with a husband whose parents failed him, and he constantly struggles with feeling that underneath it all something terrible iw about to happen. It's a terrible burden to have such feelings programmed into his basic personality.

"Happy hearts and happy faces,   Happy play in grassy places;  That was how, in ancient ages,   Children grew to kings and sages."

This little rhyme sums up the parent's primary assignment.

And the added benefit is that it makes the PARENT'S life so much more glorious, too !

Have fun with it !

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