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Am I in the wrong for asking her to help?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 42 Replies

When my sister had her first everything she needed was handed down to her and now her baby is just a few months younger than mine and I've been handing all the stuff down as he out grows it. The thing is I am in a rough spot financially and I've had to buy everything for him. She has even bragged about how lucky she is because for the most part she hasn't had to buy anything for her kids because of people giving her items. Well recently ds hit another growth spurt and I asked if she would be able to help with some clothing and she said no she didn't have the money. I didn't have the money either considering the clothes he just grew out of he was only in for a month. I didn't ask for expensive items second hand is just fine as long as I am able to put clothes on my baby. She actually wants to give away the items I've already handed down to someone else, after I already asked for them back because DH and I aren't done having kids. I really want to stop handing things down to her but I fear it will cause a family fight(that's a different post all together).

Am I in the wrong or being selfish? What would you do if you were in this situation?


Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 8, 2014 at 12:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 8, 2014 at 12:43 PM
2 moms liked this

Your sister is a selfish brat.  I would never ever give her anything again ever. 

NDADanceMom
by on Jun. 8, 2014 at 1:53 PM
10 moms liked this
Tell her that you can't afford to hand down to her anymore because you will be selling the clothes to earn money for new clothes. I realize you are saving them for another baby but she doesn't need to know that
booaura
by Member on Jun. 8, 2014 at 9:07 PM
3 moms liked this
You gave her the clothing, they are hers to do with what she wants. Just don't give her anymore. You aren't wrong for asking for help, but you are wrong for getting upset that she isn't helping you care for YOUR child.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 9, 2014 at 8:45 AM

When I passed the clothes down for her to use the agreement was she would give them back when she was done knowing I was going to use them again. I'm not upset because she wont help care for my child, what I'm upset about is I'm expected to care for her child. I don't see why its a problem asking for 50/50 to keep both our kids clothed.

Quoting booaura: You gave her the clothing, they are hers to do with what she wants. Just don't give her anymore. You aren't wrong for asking for help, but you are wrong for getting upset that she isn't helping you care for YOUR child.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 9, 2014 at 10:28 AM
At this point, I think She actualy needs to sell or trade the clothes. Also, if she can't even afford clothes for her son, she shouldn't be thinking of having another one.

And her sister is in no obligation to clothe her nephew, only her own son.

Quoting NDADanceMom: Tell her that you can't afford to hand down to her anymore because you will be selling the clothes to earn money for new clothes. I realize you are saving them for another baby but she doesn't need to know that
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 9, 2014 at 11:30 AM

Just because we are planning on having more doesn't mean DH and I are going to do it now. Recent life changes has just made things tight temporally we will get back on our feet soon. All the clothing I had for ds1 was ruined in a flood so I had to start from scratch with ds2 and I don't want to do that with ds3 when we do decide to conceive him. The problem is since my son is older I'm expected to hand them down (according to my family) which means I am paying for my nephews clothing. 

Quoting Anonymous: At this point, I think She actualy needs to sell or trade the clothes. Also, if she can't even afford clothes for her son, she shouldn't be thinking of having another one. And her sister is in no obligation to clothe her nephew, only her own son.
Quoting NDADanceMom: Tell her that you can't afford to hand down to her anymore because you will be selling the clothes to earn money for new clothes. I realize you are saving them for another baby but she doesn't need to know that


mysticatgal
by on Jun. 9, 2014 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this
This. If your family starts drama because you're not clothing your nephew just say you couldn't afford to help anymore, that you needed money and this was your only solution.

Quoting NDADanceMom: Tell her that you can't afford to hand down to her anymore because you will be selling the clothes to earn money for new clothes. I realize you are saving them for another baby but she doesn't need to know that
MonarchMom22
by on Jun. 9, 2014 at 11:41 AM

I would not ask her to contribute, the clothes could get damaged or not fit by the time she gets the.  but I would stops passing things on until you get the first items back.  if she doesn't want to return them, then don't give anymore. Sell the things you have outgrown, or store them for the future.

Just a heads up, many think they want to store clothes, but it doesn't usually work.  they yellow in storage, or that stain you thought came out comes back! So I wouldn't get to worked up over that. just make the best decision for your family. Don't make a big deal out of what you are doing, just change in the way that works for you and let her know IF she asks you about it. 

Mom100WV
by New Member on Jun. 9, 2014 at 11:45 AM

You cannot expect her to help purchase clothing for you, but it is completely reasonable to ask that she return all your hand-me-downs to you when she is done using them.  If she refuses, simply don't give her anymore and explain that you plan to use them again with future children and do not want her to give them away.  There may be hurt feelings, but as long as you are calm and polite about it, you are in the right.

One last thought--you shouldn't hold it against her that she has received many items for free while you have had to pay for them.  She is lucky in that regard (and tacky to brag about it), but it is a petty thing to be upset about.  Take pride in your ability to provide for yourself and let your sister live her own life.

Teeshann
by Silver Member on Jun. 9, 2014 at 11:50 AM
1 mom liked this

i wouldn't even say anything. put the things you want to use again away. if she asks for clothes tell her you don't have the money to keep giving clothes away that you want to use again for your next child.

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