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My father told my 7 year old not to get fat

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 118 Replies
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I am so angry and upset right now, I just don't know how to process this. My daughter went to spend a few weeks down south with my mother for the summer and my father told her that the most important thing for her to remember is to "not come back fat like your mom and nana." I just found out about this today because my mother called me and said that she has been having to talk my daughter through anxienty attacks every time they eat because my father and his girlfriend told her that she is going to have diabetes. She hasn't wanted to eat anything, and when she does decide to, she asks my mother how much protein and fiber is in what she is eating. She is SEVEN. She is very active and healthy and happy, and has no business worrying about her weight. My mom broke down in tears while telling me that my daughter cried herself to sleep last night because she was afraid she was going to die from diabetes. I am just... there are no words for how I feel. We eat a pretty balanced diet - lots of fruit and veggies, tons of protein, and, yes, on occasion, we make cookies or brownies. We dont gorge ourselves on snack foods - her and I have had lengthy conversations about what is healthy and what isn't, and she has been very receptive to it. I am all about promoting healthy lifestyles and eating right and being active, but what I can't tolerate is the idea that someone is pushing some kind of fat-shaming agenda onto my little girl. There is a more helpful and healthy way of educating children about the effects of sugary, processed foods, and as her mother, I feel I do damn dandy job of that. Fear-mongering should never be used, especially on impressionable children - that is what causes eating disorders and depression and even suicide in young girls. My poor baby, I just hope I can fix this for her :( 



Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 8, 2014 at 7:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momofthem311
by Silver Member on Jun. 8, 2014 at 7:38 PM
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I've suffered with bulimia on and off since I was 17. This makes me sad that your father had done this to her. Hopefully, and probably his intentions weren't malicious, but he does need to be talked to about it. He sounds old school and it is going to be harmful to your daughter, sounds like it already had been.
I hope you can talk to her and help her understand.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 8, 2014 at 7:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I really want to believe that he had good intentions, but I'm having a hard time convincing myself. The idea that an eating disorder or worse can arise out of this is just heartbreaking. I hurt for women who were ever in your situation. I will definitely talk to him about it, I just want to let my anger subside a bit first. And then to talk to her and try and repair some things... I appreciate your comment. 

Quoting momofthem311: I've suffered with bulimia on and off since I was 17. This makes me sad that your father had done this to her. Hopefully, and probably his intentions weren't malicious, but he does need to be talked to about it. He sounds old school and it is going to be harmful to your daughter, sounds like it already had been. I hope you can talk to her and help her understand.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 8, 2014 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this

I would feed her healthy and move on.  I am sure he is worried if she is eating too much junk and sweets maybe. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 8, 2014 at 8:41 PM

That's the thing, though... I do feed her healthy. Like I said before, I am by no means a health nut (no offense to those that are), but I have set pretty strict guidelines as to what she can eat and when. She's the type of child that would choose carrots or an apple over chips and soda, so I'm just having a hard time understanding what spawned all of this, I guess. And an even harder time understanding why the would approach it the way they did. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I would feed her healthy and move on.  I am sure he is worried if she is eating too much junk and sweets maybe. 


booaura
by Member on Jun. 8, 2014 at 9:03 PM
11 moms liked this
If you and your mother are both obese, then it's a valid concern. He just went about it comlpetely wrong.
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brenatens
by Member on Jun. 9, 2014 at 9:15 AM
It sounds like he was in the wrong. Especially for someone her age. Do you have weight issues that he included you and nana in his attack? Maybe focusing on the food triangle and eating enough of the right foods will help her not be so anxious. You could get together with her and plan healthy meals together so she is more comfortable with what she is eating and feels like she has control. Unfortunately you can't just say "don't worry about it" because she already is. But you can help her focus the anxiety she is having towards eating correctly instead of becoming anorexic.
NDADanceMom
by on Jun. 9, 2014 at 9:33 AM
5 moms liked this
Take her to a dietician at a hospital. Hearing from an expert what is ok to eat might help.
Memere60
by Member on Jun. 9, 2014 at 12:40 PM
6 moms liked this

I would never say that to my grandchild. If I thought it was a problem, I would talk to my daughter (even if she was obese, which she is not). It's up to her to raise her child. I like the dietician idea. That might help. Good luck :)

piglet06
by Member on Jun. 9, 2014 at 7:08 PM
That is just wrong
SherMalcom
by on Jun. 9, 2014 at 8:28 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree with you- this is how eating disorders begin..

I'm sorry to hear that.  It was definitely presented to her in the wrong manner.  Have you had a chance to do any damage control?  Is she feeling any better? 

 

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