I don't know what to do. Every time my child goes to her grandmas she comes back with her feelings hurt. She loves her and always wants to go and throughout most of the trip she has fun. It's just that somewhere in every trip something is said that hurts her deeply and she always cries about it when she gets home. My first thought was to go all mamma bear and whoop some butt, but that will only make matters worse. Part of the problem is she always feels she has to defend me while she's there. She tells her things like "your mother doesn't know how to wash clothes" and "all your clothes are rags and should be thrown away" . Anytime my daughter is there she feels as if she has to walk on egg shells because the woman is always crying and saying my daughter hurt her feelings. At Christmas she told she didn't know why she even bought her presents because she was ungrateful and wouldn't take care of them. I try really hard to explain to her that people are different and are allowed to have their own opinions because I don't want her feel she has to defend her grandma at home. It is very hard to like this woman but she is a part of my childs life. I have tried in the past to talk calmly with her grandma about this issue. I thought it had helped but obviously not.
We are a low income family living paycheck to paycheck. We are often shopping at thrift stores and looking for the best deals. Her grandmother however is not and can do and by things we can't. I am trying to teach my children the value of a dollar. My daughter has really picked up the habit of finding the best deals. When shopping with her own money she often decide to go with less expensive items so she can get more.
Today when she got home from her grandma's house I asked her if she had fun and she replied with not much. She then told me they had gone shopping and grandma had bought her a dress. She said she really liked the dress but told her grandma " I could find one cheaper". Grandma then told her that was rude and that she was yet again ungrateful. My daughter told me she tried to explain she wasn't being rude. She was trying to save money, but grandma wouldn't;t listen took the dress away handed it to her dad and told him if she didn't want to wear it to throw it in the trash. Then when my daughter started to cry she told her she had no reason to cry and my daughter makes her cry all the time and she tells her friends how mean her gran daughter is to her. Then just to add insult to injury she told my daughter she could find a stranger nicer than she is.
I talked with my ex about this and he said the same thing he always says "you know how my mom is" and "she is just stressed out right now".
I'm afraid if I call her out on her behavior she will take it out on my daughter but at the same time if I don't she will continue to think it is okay. Has anyone else ever gone through similar issues? Any advice?