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Do your friends ever choose a man over you?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies

I'm lucky enough to have held onto a few good friends in my life. My 4 girls and i have been friends since high school. Only two of us are married. I'm one of them and the other one live states away. Only 3 of us still live in our home town. One is me, married and a stay at home mom. One is single mom who works a lot, and the other is single balancing a few guys. The single one and i had a "date" today which she postponed until late because of a man she wants to be with.   Late isnt the best for me because i have to get my LO ready for bed, i prefer early (not to mention i put aside some of my day and got excited for girl time). She does this to me pretty regularly; i'm always left feeling lonely and like i dont matter.

Does anyone else have single friends who blow them off from time to time? Do you do anything or say anything to the friend.. or just give them distance? She's a really great friend when she is around the problem is i cant get her around enough.  Advice?

 

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 11, 2014 at 4:15 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 14, 2014 at 4:48 AM

Anon,

Hi, I know your post is past the original date that you originally posted so I hope you don't mind me interjecting some thoughts in a response to your post. First of all, I am so sorry you are dealing with such a crappy friend like that in your life. That is awful and really it looks like your friend clearly and obviously doesn't appreciate or cherish your friendship with her and is so "Man Hungry" and "desperate"  that she has to spend every moment of her life from the time she wakes up till the time she goes to bed to be with this man she wants to be with(that's sarcasm directed at her btw) ;) and can't even respect you and make some time for you. Seriously Hun, you don't need friends like that in your life. If she is going to act that way and blow you off, and only be a "FRIEND" when it's "CONVIENIENT" for her Selfish self, than your best bet is too cut off all contact with her, cut your losses and really just end your friendship with her. Also, when things possibly go bad with this MAN that she can't seem to stay away from, than that's her problem to deal with, and she(your friend) doesn't deserve your support as a shoulder to cry on should that ever happen. You are obviously seeing her true colors and who she(your friend) really is as a person and as sad and heartbreaking as it may be to see and find out who this friend of yours really is, it's best you realized it now instead of wasting your time on a friend who really doesn't care about you to begin with. She doesn't DESERVE you as a friend if shes going to act that way.  I do have a example to give you of a situation I've been in with friend(s) like that but That will be in my next response to you or this will be too long of a response :(

Anyway, before I share that with you, I wanted to add a few more thoughts on woman like your friend. I IMO can't understand or grasp why there are some woman like your friend and Aquaintances I've known in my life that are so "MAN HUNGRY" And desperate for a mans attention 24/7? You know that kind that are attached at the hip to their boyfriends, husbands, SO's you get my point. And then they throw away and push away a perfectly good friendship with their GF's that have been in their lives alot longer than these goons they are with or in your friends situation "want" to be with Honestly, I look down on woman like that because they IMO are "Desperate" for a mans attention or should I say "Attention Wh*res" lol. I think woman who are attached at the hip of their men are INSECURE type of woman and possibly have trust issues with their man and are afraid and again insecure that if they aren't next to their man 24/7 that he is going to go elsewhere(just a thought).

Woman need time to be with the Girls as well as Men need their time to have guy time with the guys. My parents have been married 42 years this fall and as much as they Love each other, they don't need to be together 24/7 all the time. My Dad enjoys going to car shows, traveling on his own sometimes, going and doing guy things with his friends and my Mom is very supportive of that because she Loves him and trust him. When it comes to my Mom, she likes to go out to lunch with her female friends occassionally and Dad is okay with that beause they have mutual trust and mutual respect in their relationship and Love of course. That to me is what a healthy relationship is. I think it's wonderful that; that is how they live their lives. I could go on and on with examples when it comes to my parents but you get my point. Friends like yours and even woman on here who always brag how wonderful their marriages are or relationships are with their men and how they "HARDLY" spend moments apart from their partners, are clearly lacking something somewhere because a Normal person doesn't need to spend every breathing moment with their partner to be happy that is just NOT NORMAL or healthy IMO.

To finish up my first comment with you, try to keep your head up, stay strong, stand your ground with this so called friend of yours and tell her how you feel. If she blows you off or acts like she doesn't care than their is your answer to the type of person she truly is. I wouldn't want people in my life that acted that way smh!

BTW, please don't feel like any of this is a personal attack at you because it honestly is not. understand the hurt your feeling, I've been there with so called friends and it's not fun.

hugs

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 14, 2014 at 5:32 AM

Hey it's me again, So anyway, heres the second half of my response  to you. I told you I'd shar ea bit of a story about a half a** friend like that in my life. So I met this girl online on FB while playing one of those online games and her and I got a chatting. Now I don't have really any real friends in my life as it is since almost every friend I've ever made has pretty much rejected me and for some odd ball reason never seems comfortable at staying my friend or wants to stay my friend so a majority of my life feels very lonely when it comes to outside friendships. I also have a disability so I don't know if that has played a role in losing friends in my life but more than likely yes. So I know exactly how you feel when you say your left feeling lonely :(, Lets put it this way when a potential friend comes along in my life I cherish and try to hold on to that friendship with all my heart and soul and most of the time I get let down and find out the friend whom I thought was a friend is really a "FAKE" and "PHONY" type of friend. Very disappointing, it's gotten so bad that I can hardly trust anyone anymore and I always have my guard up. Its messed up it has to be that way and unfortunate but people don't know how to act like classy people these days and be a friend.

Anyway, back to the story I wanted to share with you about this online friend I met. So when her and I started chatting she was at that time in her life very unhappy in the relationship she was in at the time with the guy she was living with. Here am I, a friendly  caring helpful type of person who decided to try to be a good online friend, cheer her up, have girl talk with her, and I even encouraged her to leave that man she was with because the guy seemed very abusive. She actually agreed with me, over time got strong enough and left that relationship. Okay fast forward a bit, so after she left that Abusive relationship she moves out of state from Lousiana to Cleveland Ohio and moves in with this guy she is with now whom she calls her "SOUL MATE". Gets pregnant with this new man only maybe two months after she meets him and so far that's that.  What P*sses me off about her is the fact that after she moves in with her damn sweetheart she has since then pretty much blown me off plenty of times and shows absolutely NO INTEREST in our friendship anymore. I mean when she was going through a rough time with the previous guy, I talked to her atleast two or three hours late into the night to try to cheer her up and be there for her and this is the thanks I get now. She is LITERALLY at the hip of this guy and it's pathetic. I feel a bit betrayed by her to be honest with you, I thought I had a potential good friend. I've literally deleted her off of my friendlist a few times because of her actions towards me. Everytime I do that, she sends this IM back at me saying crap like "OMG GIRL, DID YOU JUST DELETE ME"? Then stupid me, I feel guilty and allow her back on my friendlist just to have the same crap happen over and over again. Although she is on my friendlist, I don't make a whole lot of effort to talk to her much anymore, I will send a slight hello now and then but thats about it. I refuse to waste my time on some FAKE False friend who has NO TIME for me anymore. It literally makes me depressed and very sad inside. I suffer from Depression as it is and I don't need people like her bringing me down or making me feel like I don't matter. If she ever runs into trouble with this guy once that Infatuation crap wears off, I wont be there for her, she doesn't deserve a good friendship with me, SHE DID IT TO HERSELF and that's honestly hun the attitude I would suggest you take with the fake friend that you have. A true friend doesn't just Blow a friendship off for a MAN and to have to be with their MAN every breathing moment of their life. I could probably think of other stories to share with you but I can't think of anymore off hand but this one I shared with you is the one that closest comes to mind to your situation. I've b****'d about it to my BF and hes even told me this "Why do you even waste your time with her"(that's what he's said to me) My BF has also told me to back off of her because he knows it just brings me down.

Anyway, finally, my best advice to you is to give your friend distance, if she ask whats wrong tell her obviously but if she does her your grievences on the situation and then starts to act stupid by giving you attitude for your concerns than again you don't need a friend like that.

Sorry my last two responses to you are so long but I wanted to let you know I understand how your feeling because I've been in this same situation and I hope my story helps.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 14, 2014 at 5:32 AM

Heres a bump for you btw :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 14, 2014 at 9:32 AM
1 mom liked this

 In response to both your replies: I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt (especially my friends). I tend to think one way and then come to find that the circumstances where completely different. For example i assume when my friend blows me off for her man that.. just that.. but i haven't really talked to her about it. This friend is question is someone who i can go to sand say "hey, the other night when you where going to come over but instead hung out with 'Tyler'; i really needed you that day. I needed someone to lean on and i felt like you left me hanging" She would probably well up in tears and give me a speech that basically comes down to "ALWAYS chicks before dicks". At the time i wrote that post, i needed my friends, i was just too depressed to let them know, and didn't want to bother them with my sadness. I'm sure there was more than one time I've made a friend feel that way too. When you don't speak up for yourself you leave others to think your just fine.  

My friend who is single is in a completely different stage of life. Sometimes our plans wont match up, but if i hold that against her i will lose her and if that happens, when she gets to the 'married with children' stage, i wont be there. I want to be there to BS with her about toddler woes or husband grossness. She's in the time of her life where she's searching for a life partner. I cant be that partner but i can be her friend. When i found my husband at 19, she was there, she gave me space when i needed it and she was there to cry to when i needed it. She was also at my wedding :) You know that 38 special song "hold on loosely" well it's true.. sometimes you have to give some slack to hold onto the people you love the most. I give my friends the slack they need because i know they will be there when i need them, and i for them.  Ok sometimes one of us will be busy or our emotions will preoccupy us, but that's ok. I've been friends with this girl for 13 years; the reason friends "part ways" after one has a child or gets married is because of reasons like this, or because they where never friends ot begin with... but my friends and i are different. We've made it through high school together, college, and now our lives have begun (some of us have moved away) but we are all still friends like we where in high school when we had all the time in the world for each other. We still get together at least twice a month and when one of the out of towners come home it's a weekend long hang out session. My friends mean so much to me, no guy could break us apart.

Quoting Anonymous:

Hey it's me again, So anyway, heres the second half of my response  to you. I told you I'd shar ea bit of a story about a half a** friend like that in my life. So I met this girl online on FB while playing one of those online games and her and I got a chatting. Now I don't have really any real friends in my life as it is since almost every friend I've ever made has pretty much rejected me and for some odd ball reason never seems comfortable at staying my friend or wants to stay my friend so a majority of my life feels very lonely when it comes to outside friendships. I also have a disability so I don't know if that has played a role in losing friends in my life but more than likely yes. So I know exactly how you feel when you say your left feeling lonely :(, Lets put it this way when a potential friend comes along in my life I cherish and try to hold on to that friendship with all my heart and soul and most of the time I get let down and find out the friend whom I thought was a friend is really a "FAKE" and "PHONY" type of friend. Very disappointing, it's gotten so bad that I can hardly trust anyone anymore and I always have my guard up. Its messed up it has to be that way and unfortunate but people don't know how to act like classy people these days and be a friend.

Anyway, back to the story I wanted to share with you about this online friend I met. So when her and I started chatting she was at that time in her life very unhappy in the relationship she was in at the time with the guy she was living with. Here am I, a friendly  caring helpful type of person who decided to try to be a good online friend, cheer her up, have girl talk with her, and I even encouraged her to leave that man she was with because the guy seemed very abusive. She actually agreed with me, over time got strong enough and left that relationship. Okay fast forward a bit, so after she left that Abusive relationship she moves out of state from Lousiana to Cleveland Ohio and moves in with this guy she is with now whom she calls her "SOUL MATE". Gets pregnant with this new man only maybe two months after she meets him and so far that's that.  What P*sses me off about her is the fact that after she moves in with her damn sweetheart she has since then pretty much blown me off plenty of times and shows absolutely NO INTEREST in our friendship anymore. I mean when she was going through a rough time with the previous guy, I talked to her atleast two or three hours late into the night to try to cheer her up and be there for her and this is the thanks I get now. She is LITERALLY at the hip of this guy and it's pathetic. I feel a bit betrayed by her to be honest with you, I thought I had a potential good friend. I've literally deleted her off of my friendlist a few times because of her actions towards me. Everytime I do that, she sends this IM back at me saying crap like "OMG GIRL, DID YOU JUST DELETE ME"? Then stupid me, I feel guilty and allow her back on my friendlist just to have the same crap happen over and over again. Although she is on my friendlist, I don't make a whole lot of effort to talk to her much anymore, I will send a slight hello now and then but thats about it. I refuse to waste my time on some FAKE False friend who has NO TIME for me anymore. It literally makes me depressed and very sad inside. I suffer from Depression as it is and I don't need people like her bringing me down or making me feel like I don't matter. If she ever runs into trouble with this guy once that Infatuation crap wears off, I wont be there for her, she doesn't deserve a good friendship with me, SHE DID IT TO HERSELF and that's honestly hun the attitude I would suggest you take with the fake friend that you have. A true friend doesn't just Blow a friendship off for a MAN and to have to be with their MAN every breathing moment of their life. I could probably think of other stories to share with you but I can't think of anymore off hand but this one I shared with you is the one that closest comes to mind to your situation. I've b****'d about it to my BF and hes even told me this "Why do you even waste your time with her"(that's what he's said to me) My BF has also told me to back off of her because he knows it just brings me down.

Anyway, finally, my best advice to you is to give your friend distance, if she ask whats wrong tell her obviously but if she does her your grievences on the situation and then starts to act stupid by giving you attitude for your concerns than again you don't need a friend like that.

Sorry my last two responses to you are so long but I wanted to let you know I understand how your feeling because I've been in this same situation and I hope my story helps.

 

nurse1997
by Silver Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 8:04 PM

Sorry but it happens often .

BentoMommy
by New Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 3:50 AM

I don't have many single friends and none of them really date.  The married ones are annoying though.  Every time I try to hang out with this one, she brings her husband along!  It's really awkward and I never want to do anything because of it.  If she would have let me bring my guy too, then that would be like a double date, but she doesn't want to go on a date, she just tries doing girl stuff with him tagging along.  I can't stand it.

mrs.hartman12
by on Jun. 15, 2014 at 9:00 AM
In my experience friendships change as you get older and marry, have kids. I don't have many single friends anymore because our lives are so different. Don't get angry, its just life. I have new friends who are in the same place in their life and have the same values. I just look at my old life for what it is, the past. I think a big reason life long friends become rare is due to life style diversity. Our grandmothers all pretty much married and had kids at the same ages as their friends. Or generation no longer follows that time line. I suggest making new Mommy friends, and let your dying friendships fizzle out. Don't hold anger and let it ruin the good memories.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:09 AM

 I wasnt angry i was sad. But like i said in my reply.. I understand our lives our different but if i hold this sort of thing against her we wont be friends when she's a married mother... and i dont want that. We've stayed friends through high school college and now our lives have begun (some of us have even moved away but i still talk to them at least once a week)  and we are all still friends. One guy, who is only a boyfriend would have to try pretty hard to break up what i and my friends have.  I dont really need to make new friends. Our friendship is by no means dying.

Quoting mrs.hartman12: In my experience friendships change as you get older and marry, have kids. I don't have many single friends anymore because our lives are so different. Don't get angry, its just life. I have new friends who are in the same place in their life and have the same values. I just look at my old life for what it is, the past. I think a big reason life long friends become rare is due to life style diversity. Our grandmothers all pretty much married and had kids at the same ages as their friends. Or generation no longer follows that time line. I suggest making new Mommy friends, and let your dying friendships fizzle out. Don't hold anger and let it ruin the good memories.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:14 AM

 

Quoting BentoMommy:

I don't have many single friends and none of them really date.  The married ones are annoying though.  Every time I try to hang out with this one, she brings her husband along!  It's really awkward and I never want to do anything because of it.  If she would have let me bring my guy too, then that would be like a double date, but she doesn't want to go on a date, she just tries doing girl stuff with him tagging along.  I can't stand it.

 

This would drive me nuts. When i want girl time it has to be girl time. I hate when someone brings their man. My friends and i do facials and crush a bottle of wine. Maybe the man in this is a bit controlling? perhaps he dosnt let her go out with her girlfriends. Some guys dont have friends os they get jelous when we see ours. I'm lucky enough i have a husband who will usually watch our daughter for girls night. And i will let him go camping with his guys.

DixonBabies
by Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 12:13 PM

I had a friend whom ignored me every time she had a man, and then once I got pregnant she disappeared from my life. She came back into it about 4 years ago and after about a year she disappeared again because I had left my cheating husband and I guess she didn't agree with that. Anyway, we haven't spoken since, and I have no intentions of speaking to her either.  I also have a single friend who would cancel plans to bang a guy, and after a few months of this it got old so I just stop making plans with her. She hasn't tried to get in contact with me either since then.

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