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Help i'm stuck!!!!

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 12:23 AM
  • 12 Replies

My husband and I have been together for 12 years, he is my high school sweetheart. In the last 6 months or so I have lost my grandma, lost my sister in law and found out I had some life long illnesses. He had to have suregy on his eye and we lost almost a month in income. Anyway a long story short I am feeling stuck right now in our relationship. I do not feel no romance at all.. as a matter of fact we do not have very many conversations unless it concerns our daily routine. Anyway my question is... anyone ever been in my situation and if so what did you do to get past it. 

Mommas Defeating Diabetes high five

by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 12:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 12:51 AM

I dont know if I would want to go through a lifelong illness without some support, but I also dont think people should stay together just because they have history together.  Good luck in whatever decision you make.  The cure for diabetes is a low to zero carb diet.  Good luck with that as well!

LnghrnFan
by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 11:01 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry you've suffered so many losses in the last few months :(  Have you talked to a therapist?  It sounds like that would be really helpful to you.  You need to work through some of these issues and find some healing to be able to move forward...particularly regarding the illnesses you just learned about. 

Also, talk to your husband about how you're feeling.  If you explain it to him, hie might understand.  You've faced a lot of things in a short time.  Marriage counseling would probably be a good idea, too.  Good luck!

Every day is an adventure with my boys!

Blessed2585
by New Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 12:20 PM

I am sorry to hear about all of this that has happened. Have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling? Have you considered talking to a counselor? Can you plan a date night? I will keep you in my prayers! 

suetoo
by New Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 11:33 AM
3 moms liked this

I reviewed my marriage vows in my head, the 'for better or for worse' part, the 'in sickness and in health part' and reminded myself I meant them. And that I have a big responsibility to do wherever I need to, to honor those vows. 41 years later, the effort was totally worth it, no regrets.

luv_2babies
by Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 11:09 PM

I honestly think that the issue lies with me... really I am thinking I need to see a counsoler 

GertieK
by Silver Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 9:00 AM

We just celebrated our 41st anniversary.  Marriage goes through so many changes, and relationships are always evolving.  I think too many people are expecting things to be simple, but living with someone is never simple - even in the best of times.  When a relationship starts out blazing - and the romance is the focus - it seems to me more probable it will fizzle out.  No one can keep up that pace.  If you have not talked to him, you need to.  One thing I can be certain of, it will be different before long - because things always change.  The direction it takes is up to you.  I hear constantly about couples throwing in the towel because the "sparks" have settled down.  I too, took my vows to him and to GOD very seriously.... which included hard times as well.  You could leave him, and find someone else, but that relationship will eventually loose the constant fireworks as well.  You never mentioned the words love, or commitment........ 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2014 at 9:14 AM

I am feeling the same way right now, but have only been married for 5 yrs. I just don't feel like he cares not only about me but hisself. We don't have sex very often. I don't feel like in general he makes an effort to do things for me to make me happy when I do all I can for him. I just feel abandoned at this point. I don't want to stay married just for the kids, but I feel trapped. I am 100% against cheating but feel like its a vow I could end up breaking if I don't make a decision soon. :/

Monsita
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 1:35 PM
Sorry about your lost.
Sorry about your husband's cirgury.
Sorry about you finding out about your lifetime illness.

A marriage without romance is a marriage that needs work from both of you.
Talk to him and invite him to plan dates, just the two of you alone. It can be as simple as a walk in the park or a quiet dinner at home. Maybe pick a movie where couple has to deal with something similar as you two are, and after the movie talk about it....it is just a good oportunity for comunication.

Finding something to do that makes you feel good, outside of the marriage; as a healthy way of dealing with stress can do wonders for you. Some people get into baking, doing yoga, reading, listenning to classic music; just to find peace in within themselves.
Dealing with lifetime illness is not easy, therefore finding out what will help you to get emotionally stronger to face, will help you day by day.

Quoting luv_2babies:

My husband and I have been together for 12 years, he is my high school sweetheart. In the last 6 months or so I have lost my grandma, lost my sister in law and found out I had some life long illnesses. He had to have suregy on his eye and we lost almost a month in income. Anyway a long story short I am feeling stuck right now in our relationship. I do not feel no romance at all.. as a matter of fact we do not have very many conversations unless it concerns our daily routine. Anyway my question is... anyone ever been in my situation and if so what did you do to get past it. 

ragdoll7777
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 1:50 PM

You both might be depressed and tired from all the crap you've had to deal with lately, I would start with myself, talk to people, counseling etc, your husband will see your effort to get better and it'll start flowing...good luck and I'm sorry for your losses.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2014 at 1:55 PM
Stories like this is helping me to go through the worst time of my almost 5 year olds marriage. I m suffering so much but divorce isn't an option for me. I loved him, how can I leave him even if things r so hard that it hurts to even breathe. Thanks for sharing.

Quoting suetoo:

I reviewed my marriage vows in my head, the 'for better or for worse' part, the 'in sickness and in health part' and reminded myself I meant them. And that I have a big responsibility to do wherever I need to, to honor those vows. 41 years later, the effort was totally worth it, no regrets.

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