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who makes/spends the money?!

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:53 AM
  • 28 Replies

Who makes the money in your household? (I'm a stay-at-home mom so i don't get a paycheck and my bf works 60 hours/week and obviously gets a paycheck)

If it is either JUST you or JUST your significant other that makes the money, how does that money get managed? Is it considered money for BOTH of you? Does the person who doesn't bring home a paycheck get a say in how the money is spent (or saved!) or is that mostly up to the person who makes the money? 

I ask because I don't feel worthy of spending any money my bf makes. Yes, he makes it available to me and I'm free to spend what I'd like or if I need to, but I don't. Unless it is something that's absolutely necessary (like we need toilet paper or diapers or we need a couple ingredients for me to make dinner) I don't really spend any of the money---especially NOT on myself. I would rather save it. He seems to have this mentality that as long as bills are paid anything left over can be spent. Okay sure, it CAN be spent, but it doesn't need to be.

We argue about money pretty often...so tell me, what should I do in this situation? Am I wrong for wanting to save our money and not spend it just because we 'can'? Should I spend money (HIS money) on myself once in awhile (nothing extravagent, but if my son and i are at the mall and I see a cute shirt for $5, should i feel ok with purchasing that?)  This is a HUGE issue...  


by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 16, 2014 at 11:00 AM
1 mom liked this

He makes it.  I spend it.  lol

Really, when we got married everything has been ours not yours and mine.  When I worked it was ours.  When I stayed at home, it is ours. 

If you argue about money now and are not even married yet it isn't going to work.  That being said, you are not married so I think it is still yours and mine.  I wouldn't be living with someone though and not being married.

SpiritedWitch
by Froggie on Jun. 16, 2014 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this

We are married so it doesn't matter who is earning the paycheck, the money is considered "ours". However, I am in control of the finances. I pay the bills and make the budgets. 

Right now, the only income is technically his ... disability and a small pension. 

amybrg86
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 4:25 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

He makes it.  I spend it.  lol

Really, when we got married everything has been ours not yours and mine.  When I worked it was ours.  When I stayed at home, it is ours. 

If you argue about money now and are not even married yet it isn't going to work.  That being said, you are not married so I think it is still yours and mine.  I wouldn't be living with someone though and not being married.

i know he really does consider the money 'ours'; i'm the one who has a hard time allowing myself to accept that it's 'ours'. i am however the one who keeps track of all the bills and makes sure they get paid on time. 

i just don't feel worthy of it. i'm not out earning any money. i don't know, i guess i'm probably being pretty tough on myself, but i just don't think it's fair for me to be able to spend this money and not have done anything to earn it. and it sucks feeling this way because there's things that i personally really need but i don't want to bother him with that stuff because i want him to have enough money to do whatever HE wants since it's he's the one who earned it.. 

and we don't necessarily argue about it, but when it does come up he gets upset about it right away...  :/          ...i mean, what do i do in my situation where he's the one who makes the money and i make nothing (but i still have things that i need to buy for myself...)?

amybrg86
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 4:29 PM


Quoting SpiritedWitch:

We are married so it doesn't matter who is earning the paycheck, the money is considered "ours". However, I am in control of the finances. I pay the bills and make the budgets. 

Right now, the only income is technically his ... disability and a small pension. 

yeah i'm the one who makes sure all the bills are paid, knows when everything is due, etc, etc..   

sometimes i want to go back to work...only for the simple fact that i want to have my own money to spend because then i wouldn't feel so bad buying things (whether it's for me, for the house, for him). buuuut..going back to work means paying for daycare---which would basically take up whatever i'd make in a paycheck. so it kinda ends up being not worth it i guess??...

ghettomama89
by Amber on Jun. 16, 2014 at 5:24 PM

We both do, I'm the manager of a gas station and my husband is a city bus driver.

auntangelofsix
by Angel on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:54 PM
Hubby makes the money but I pay our bills.
thatgirl70
by Carin on Jun. 17, 2014 at 11:04 AM

He makes it, I spend it...ok, so does he, LOL.

Even when we weren't married, there was never a question of it being a my money, his money (I used to work), it was always ours. We opened up a joint account shortly after we moved in together.


amybrg86
by Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 11:16 AM


Quoting thatgirl70:

He makes it, I spend it...ok, so does he, LOL.

Even when we weren't married, there was never a question of it being a my money, his money (I used to work), it was always ours. We opened up a joint account shortly after we moved in together.

im pretty much in the same situation...sort of..  but since having our son everything changed for me.

my bf makes the money, and he also spends the money (i make sure bills are paid). i can't seem to find it acceptable for me to spend any of that money on myself (even though he's totally okay with it).

he considers it 'ours' but i really don't. i want to get out of that mindset because it's causing us arguements about money that are so stupid!! i don't want him to spend (i.e. we don't need to spend money at taco bell when we've got food at home!) and he wants to spend a little bit because he feels that he/i/we deserve it.

we had separate bank accounts at first, and then we got a joint account for bills. well, we moved and i closed my account (we banked at different banks) and the joint account basically became my account and he still had his separate one. that's the one where his paychecks are deposited. he transfers money into the joint account and i'm free to spend it on whatever (within reason) but i don't spend it unless it's necessary items or groceries. i don't go out and buy anything for myself with it. i don't know, maybe i should just start spending a bit on myself! maybe i could buy myself a new shirt.. god knows i haven't been shopping in...months? over a year??

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 17, 2014 at 11:21 AM
Both. I make more and spend more , though
thatgirl70
by Carin on Jun. 17, 2014 at 11:29 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting amybrg86:


Quoting thatgirl70:

He makes it, I spend it...ok, so does he, LOL.

Even when we weren't married, there was never a question of it being a my money, his money (I used to work), it was always ours. We opened up a joint account shortly after we moved in together.

im pretty much in the same situation...sort of..  but since having our son everything changed for me.

my bf makes the money, and he also spends the money (i make sure bills are paid). i can't seem to find it acceptable for me to spend any of that money on myself (even though he's totally okay with it).

he considers it 'ours' but i really don't. i want to get out of that mindset because it's causing us arguements about money that are so stupid!! i don't want him to spend (i.e. we don't need to spend money at taco bell when we've got food at home!) and he wants to spend a little bit because he feels that he/i/we deserve it.

we had separate bank accounts at first, and then we got a joint account for bills. well, we moved and i closed my account (we banked at different banks) and the joint account basically became my account and he still had his separate one. that's the one where his paychecks are deposited. he transfers money into the joint account and i'm free to spend it on whatever (within reason) but i don't spend it unless it's necessary items or groceries. i don't go out and buy anything for myself with it. i don't know, maybe i should just start spending a bit on myself! maybe i could buy myself a new shirt.. god knows i haven't been shopping in...months? over a year??

Well, I live in a community property state, so the law says the money is ours regardless.

Don't feel bad about treating yourself to something. First, if he didn't want you to have any of it, he'd squirrel it away into an account you don't have access to. You are worthy of it because you are staying home to take care of your son (I assume that he's the father?). If you sent your son to a sitter or a daycare, what would that person get? They'd get payment for their services, right? For doing essentially the same thing that you are doing, they'd get maybe $150 to $250 a week (per child). Some of it, they'd restock the necessities, but they'd probably also treat themselves to something once in awhile too. Why should you not be able to do it as well?

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