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DH WON'T LET ME BE A SAHM...and, yes, we could make it work! HELP PLEASE!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies

I work part time as an RN.  I have a 15 y/o and DH and I have a 3 y/o together.  After I had my youngest I developed fibromyalgia and it's a pretty severe case.  I really struggle on days I work and pay for it physically the day after.  I also struggle with a lot of anxiety and depression.  We have 2 homes. We could so easily see our 2nd home (small cabin) and make this work. Possibly even without selling the cabin.  My DH seems like he would be resentful if I didnt work.  I feel like my health is more important.  Opinions/advice PLEASE!  Is it normal for my DH to feel that way?  Or is he a jerk?!

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 29, 2014 at 12:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
want10more
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 2:16 AM
3 moms liked this

personally, i'm a lil bothered that he'd be resentful. i'm a sahm myself, although i could never pull in the paycheck that you can, as an RN. but since you work pt and you kinda seem like you're rolling in it? i can't see that your financial position would be in dire straits.

here's my situation: i was working in a bar pt and as a legal secretary. one day i lost my cookies and told my hubby (then just my bf) that if i had to spend ONE MORE DAY dealing w/ drunks, criminals, and worse, LAWYERS that i was gonna go postal. he said, oh baby, just walk out. we'll make it work. i was just too old and crabby to put up w/ young drunks and old lawyers. YOU have a medical problem. i don't have fibromyalgia, but a friend of mine does. i once hugged her and HURT her! and my kids are in the hospital a lot, so i KNOW DAMNED WELL how hard nurses work. and honestly, i really think a lot of your depression and anxiety will be helped when you get a chance to rest more... would be helped even MORE if your hubby was more supportive. i don't wanna call your husband a jerk? but i would like to punch him in the nuts just a little bit. a happy and healthy momma is sooooooooo much more worthy than a 2nd or 3rd home, yada yada. money doesn't mean crap if you have to literally HURT yourself to get it............ hope you feel better some day!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 29, 2014 at 3:31 AM

I didn't have to do much to convince dh that I needed to be home with the kids, but my friends have had to sit down with their so/dh to go over bills and budget to show them as well as discuss what would happen at home while they're at home to let them know. I'm a sahm and we homeschool. DH is 1000% supportive of this. So, I personally have no experience with this but I wish you the best and hope you guys can work it out soon. 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsAbKO9T0xk

http://www.herbalremediesadvice.org/fibromyalgia-natural-treatment.html

http://www.rodalenews.com/natural-fibromyalgia-remedies

want10more
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 3:15 AM
1 mom liked this

i don't homeschool and personally, it's not a decision i'd make for OUR family, but i know it works for others. and that being said? i still wanna punch him in the nuts... just a lil.

booaura
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 3:17 AM
1 mom liked this
If he didn't plan to have a sahm for a wife, then he didn't. That isn't the kind of life every man wants. Talk to him, but in the end, this is a choice that will effect you both and you need to come to an agreement. I wouldn't be happy if dh suddenly decided to stop working, and the only reason I'm not working right now is because I am too ill from this pregnancy to do so. Once I'm no longer pregnant, I plan to return to work, at least PRN, until the babies are older. I don't think he's a jerk for not automatically being ok with you staying at home.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 30, 2014 at 5:09 AM

There is a compromise in here somewhere-you need to find it. Either an easier less stressful nursing job (like in a dr's office)  which would of course pay less, or a reduction in your hours.

Perhaps to just some per diem work.  Then you could do 2 days a week, still contribute and not be as tired and stressed and in pain.

applesnbananas
by on Jul. 1, 2014 at 10:38 AM
I worked 60 hrs a week, met my now husband... Went down to 25 hours a week at his urging.... Eventually I started a different job and worked 19 hrs a week.... We have my 2 kids 100% of the time ages 18 and 12 now. His 11 to daughter 80% of the time. And our 2 yo all the time.... We moved due to job transfer in January and I wish I could work again. I wish I could find a decent paying job. I love staying home. But I need to contribute financially. This scraping by just isn't worth staying home. My house is clean. My fridge is full. Meals are cooked. But guess what, we haven't had a steak in months because we can't afford it. Sucks. Stay part time and accept it. I was on my husbands case for 18 months after we had our baby to let me stay home. Eventually, I came to accept it. And now that I'm unemployed not by choice it sucks.
nurse1997
by Silver Member on Jul. 1, 2014 at 4:18 PM

Hi doll losing a pay check in today's world is not easy and you will never get the same pay with the economy the way it is . First off your husband is most likely just scared so I wouldn't take it to personel . I am not sick and I work nights and it is ruff raising a family but I do it you hav to really say is this my body really not able To do this anyone more or is it my mind !! I stayed home for 6 months and I was going crazy it was not all what it was cracked up to be GOOD LUCK  

rgba
by Member on Jul. 1, 2014 at 4:21 PM
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I would resent my husband if he quit working to stay home, so I get it. See if you can find a compromise. Is there a part time, less demanding job you could do?
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Aniyunwiya
by Member on Jul. 1, 2014 at 11:52 PM

My mom has had fibro for 20 years (started back when NO ONE knew anything about fibro, some doubted it existed), i remember days she couldn't even get out of bed. I don't know how she did it especially as a single (well divorced) mother. I developed SEVERE sciatica nerve pain the beginning of this year and i'm just now starting to understand how she felt.

Honestly unless someone goes through it or sees someone close to them go through it, they can't sympathize with fibro. I'd do what you have to honestly.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:50 AM

It sounds like you have more of an issue with depression and anxiety. Depression can cause body pain. Do you take antidepressants? Are you in therapy?

Did you both discuss your work situation prior to marriage of having a baby?

Either way, you need to address your health issues but in all honesty you could work. My DH had open heart surgery and is bipolar and he works 6 days a week. He could easily say he can't physically do it. No offense.

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