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Why is it so hard?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies
1 mom liked this
Why is it so hard for BM's and SM's alike to swallow their pride and do what's best for the kid? Why use the children as pawns and talk trash? Why do SM's want to be called mom and why is it okay to some BM's but not others? Who is insecure the BM's or the SM's? Are the BM's jealous?
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 10, 2014 at 9:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PogoPalOj
by on Jul. 10, 2014 at 9:58 PM

Parents know that their love is unconditional.  But children leave.  There is a power struggle for the kid's love.  I don't understand it.  My daughter called her step dad Dad but they feel that way.  If my creep of an ex husband had remarried, I wouldn't have cared if she called her step mom Mom.  What difference does it make?  I don't get it either.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 10, 2014 at 10:23 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree and I would allow my children to do the same. I don't get it.

Quoting PogoPalOj:

Parents know that their love is unconditional.  But children leave.  There is a power struggle for the kid's love.  I don't understand it.  My daughter called her step dad Dad but they feel that way.  If my creep of an ex husband had remarried, I wouldn't have cared if she called her step mom Mom.  What difference does it make?  I don't get it either.

sauceda
by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this
Dd 4 calls DH Dada and sometimes calls bio dads gf her other mom I don't like to sues the would step if Dd is with her daddy's gf she should treat her like her own child otherwise don't do anything at all
I'm ok with that but I think some moms who are not on with it are sometimes just jealous that their kid loves someone else
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 11, 2014 at 11:01 AM
I agree. If a child has a good relationship with BM it shouldn't matter. The SM can't take BM's place. The child can love two loving moms. Peace is better than insecurity and jealousy. SM's can be insecure and jealous as well. My SD also calls me mom.

Quoting sauceda: Dd 4 calls DH Dada and sometimes calls bio dads gf her other mom I don't like to sues the would step if Dd is with her daddy's gf she should treat her like her own child otherwise don't do anything at all
I'm ok with that but I think some moms who are not on with it are sometimes just jealous that their kid loves someone else
jenns1987
by New Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 3:43 AM
Maybe its just cause im in a different situation. But I wouldnt like it. But she only sees her dad twice a year and he goes through women like their underwear lol.
Bellarose0212
by on Jul. 12, 2014 at 4:00 AM

IDK I think there are cases where mom and step-mom coparent and coexist well.

This is only a semi-related point but I don't get calling the mother birth mom. That implies that all she did is give birth. Or, if BM stands for bio-mom, that also implies no relationship except biological. It maybe makes sense in an adoptive situation but even then it has been called out as a reductive term. I really don't get why, if we were to split and DH were to remarry, I would suddenly be birth mother or biological mother instead of mother. That's crazy. 

Sarlinda
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 1:32 PM

Personally I do not want my daughters to ever call another woman mom. They are free to love whoever they choose and I would always encourage a relationship but I'm mom. I know.. kinda selfish and petty. I corrected my sd every time she called me mom when she was little. I have been pushed out of sd's life all her life bc her mom doesn't want her and I to have any type of relationship. It's worked. She's 16 and we never see her. :(

srltb143
by on Jul. 12, 2014 at 8:15 PM
2 moms liked this

I always hate to see on here where SM's and BM's are being mean and petty to each other, or reading about situations where the child is being torn between the two.  I have a SM.  My dad left my mom after 28 years for her....so no, my mom doesn't get along well with her.  I have never called my SM mom, however I do have a good relationship with her and made up a nickname that I use for her.  Dh is stepdad to 3 of our 5 children....they all call him dad or daddy by choice.  Then again he has been the only dad they have ever really known.  Ha!.....to be honest, if given the choice, I'd RATHER deal with a SM than my ex!!  

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 12, 2014 at 8:17 PM
Thank you, I do too!

Quoting srltb143:

I always hate to see on here where SM's and BM's are being mean and petty to each other, or reading about situations where the child is being torn between the two.  I have a SM.  My dad left my mom after 28 years for her....so no, my mom doesn't get along well with her.  I have never called my SM mom, however I do have a good relationship with her and made up a nickname that I use for her.  Dh is stepdad to 3 of our 5 children....they all call him dad or daddy by choice.  Then again he has been the only dad they have ever really known.  Ha!.....to be honest, if given the choice, I'd RATHER deal with a SM than my ex!!  

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 12, 2014 at 8:19 PM
Each situation is different. I'm not judging.

Quoting Sarlinda:

Personally I do not want my daughters to ever call another woman mom. They are free to love whoever they choose and I would always encourage a relationship but I'm mom. I know.. kinda selfish and petty. I corrected my sd every time she called me mom when she was little. I have been pushed out of sd's life all her life bc her mom doesn't want her and I to have any type of relationship. It's worked. She's 16 and we never see her. :(

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