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could you do it?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
Let me start with I have almost 10 years experience taking care of disability patients. Ranging everywhere from autism, tbi, to paralyzed. I have no problem with any of this and don't see people any different.

I separated from my husband almost a year ago, went back to work ( I had been a sahm for several years? I have recently started dating.

I met this guy, and he's amazing. He's cute, sweet, funny, smart , ambitious and optimistic and a complete gentleman.

So here is the catch. On top of him living almost 2 hours away....he's completely paralyzed from mid chest down.... ( his equipment still works I haven't tested, but we did discuss it).... he's damn near completely self sufficient. He drives , plays professional basketball, cooks cleans....
But ik what it takes to take care of even the most self sufficient person in a wheelchair. I just don't know that I can take it. 9-5 when it's just me and them is one thing but 24/7 . And I got 3 little ones that I'm not willing to take away from.
Ik I'm kinda jumping ahead of myself, I'm still getting to know the guy. But what's the point in letting him think it could be romantic if I don't forsee a future. ...

Also I live In a 2nd story apartment..... not really conducive to the situation
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 13, 2014 at 7:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 7:42 PM
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 7:42 PM
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:17 PM
Well damn nobody has thoughts or opinions
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:20 PM

if your connection with him is strong then i wouldnt let it dissuade you.  it would be a challenge but finding someone who you are compatible with could be worth it.  at the very least you two could be great friends... but i would not sever the relationship based on his disability alone.
that said... i have never had a prospective relationship with anyone disabled.  
go with your gut. 

by Silver Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this

If he is not depending on you now to take care of him, why would he expect it later?  He sounds great, and it could be a match made in heaven.  WHen it comes to love, there is always room for more and always enough to go around.  GO slow, take your time.  I imagine that as long as you pay attention to your instincts you will make the right decision.  Don't let the fear of something that MAY happen keep you from something that special.  Be open and honest about your fears and about your attraction.  I have dealt with many disabled as well, and one thing you know - they want to be treated like anyone else - and not be molly coddled.  He is just a man.  You are worried about his disability, but you could be worried about some other something.  SO, just treat it like any other hurdle and don't miss out on something wonderful.

by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 8:40 PM

I'm reminded of the novel Me Before You.

Hard to say -- it really depends on your attraction to him and how well your personalities mesh.  If you end up totally in love with him it won't matter if he's in a wheelchair.  If you don't end up totally in love with him, it wouldn't matter if he could give up the wheelchair tomorrow.

by Ruby Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 10:14 PM
You answered your own question. You have 3 kids to take care of. Do you really have space in you to work on developing a relationship?
by Silver Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 10:46 PM

I think he is just doing fine by him self !  I'm sure he handles his business at home I don't see a big deal enjoy his company !

by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 11:02 PM
Not with what you already have on your plate. If it were me, I don't think I could. How old are your kids? Does he have resources? Does he have a house of his own? What he is able to do on his own will decrease as he gets older. Does he have a supportive family?
by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 4:26 AM

He lives alone. right? He must be pretty freakin self sufficient, you would just have to incorporate his system, so he could still maintain with you. He doesn't need you to take care of him any different from any other man, I'm sure. Anything you do for him is just going to be from your working experience. Granted, you're a binus he didn't have before. He would have help that he had to work without at one point, but that happens with any relationship because you would be his partner. That's your job. Not to take care of him, but to be there willing to help. He probably wouldn't even want your help. I don't think you would be taking away from our children, either. In fact, think of how much fun they would have riding with him (if they're small enough).

I also think that if he's brought up a long term relationship that would involve moving in and everything, you have a right to ask. It's ok to ask him what adjustments would need to be made in your future together. Don't tell him you have doubts, but more so that you're just trying to make sure you don't bite off more than you can chew and explain to him what you're asking us. You couldn't possibly be the first to wonder, right?

I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”

-Maya Angelou

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