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Do you ever say bad things about your spouse in public?

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:26 AM
  • 7 Replies

Talking Bad About Your Husband in Public Is a Good Way to Ruin Your Marriage

public humilation marriage
There are very few hard and fast rules when it comes to marriage. We are all different, with different kinds of marriages. But there is probably one rule that applies to everyone. And it is this: Don't talk smack about your spouse.

It's tempting. As women, we get in a room together, and we love to gossip and chat. It's our way. And for many women, it's also an opportunity to complain about our men. He doesn't clean enough. He doesn't cook. He's an idiot when it comes to putting his socks away. And on. And on.

Sometimes, it goes even deeper.

More from The Stir: 7 Things All Happy Married Couples Do

Just look at the woman who recently outed her husband's penis as somehow inadequate on Family Feud when she provided an embarrassing answer to one of the game show's questions. OUCH. Poor Pete just stood there after his wife was asked what part of men's bodies women wanted to change.

"Their penis," she replied gleefully.

Come on -- that's like breaking rule #1 of marriage: Don't trash your husband's manhood. Not only was it not on the board, she also publicly humiliated her husband. It's cold. How would she have felt if the roles were reversed? What if he had said her weight? Or her boobs?

The fact is, when you are in a crowd of people, as far as everyone else is concerned, your husband is AMAZING. Your wife is so wonderful you can't imagine ANYONE better. If he slips up and says something obnoxious or if she puts her foot in her mouth, your job is not to pile on. Your job is to lift up.

My husband and I had these friends a long time ago who were awful to be around. The husband was clearly miserable with the wife and would make disparaging comments constantly about her weight and looks. It was horrible, and the truth is, if he had an issue with her appearance, he should have discussed it with her in private.

Marriage is a relationship between two people. And two people only. My best friend is wonderful, but her opinion of my husband -- a man she only sees every couple months and only knows through me -- is not really relevant in any discussion.

If I am having a major issue with my husband, I will go to her or another friend for advice. But I would never mock him or publicly humiliate him. If he says something wrong in public or something that bothers me, I tell him about it later, once we are alone.

The couples where one member is clearly embarrassed of the other are always pretty obviously the most unhappy. We are not supposed to feel badly about our spouses. We are supposed to build each other up.

In fact, I would propose an amendment to those vows we all take at the wedding altar. Do you vow to love, honor, obey, AND never, EVER publicly humiliate your spouse?

I do.

Do you ever say bad things about your spouse in public?

 

Image © iStock.com/RapidEye

by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:26 AM
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Replies (1-7):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:27 AM
No it is extremely disrespectful.
EireLass
by Ruby Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:42 AM

There's nothing bad to say. 

But we've agreed to never bad talk each other to others....even if we were to go through a bad time. I've taught my adult children the same with their spouses. It never helps, and always hurts. 

Manic_Sinner
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:46 AM
No. People love to see others down so I don't talk badly about my husband to people. And wow, who the fuck says that on tv about wanted to change their hubby's penis. I can't imagine how embarrassed he was.:(
GertieK
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 8:01 PM

Of course not. That is one of the worst things you can do.  I love my husband, and could not imagine doing that.  After 41 years with him, I still would never do that.  Didn't do it in front of my kids either.  Unity, love and respect is crucial.  Our kids knew we were a united force, and couldn't play one against the other.  Our friends are very clear on how we feel about each other.

la_bella_vita
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:54 PM

No

I feel awful for her husband, how embarrassing  :( 

DellaG
by Member on Nov. 5, 2014 at 12:59 PM

we are all assuming she was referring to her husband..Anyone who watches family fued knows every question starts with "100 people surveyed". I have seen men make a few bad comments pertaining to women on that show. we really cant base it on the family fued.. However I will not put my Husband down at all.. We all have faults, god knows he puts up with me..

logicgirl
by on Nov. 5, 2014 at 1:55 PM

I try not to do that at least in a mean way. I think it is fine to discuss your significant others quirks and things but never at the point of being hurtful.

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