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alcoholic boyfriend :(

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies
I'm so lost for words and drained with emotions I don't even know where to start. I currently have 2 other kids from a previous relationship ,their dad isn't around due to becoming a drug addict recently .my kids are aged 4 and 2 . anyways . I met this guy a year ago at my work ,he always came in and begged me for my number ,it took him 3 months before I finally caved in and gave it to him.. We talked and dated for a while when he finally tried to convinve me to move in with him with my kids that took a while as well since I was so paranoid about my kids being around a man not knowing how our relationship would turn out in the end. I made the decision to do it ,my kids loved him and everything was great between us . I would always get flowers, he always came home to me ,our relationship was perfect. I knew he liked drinking because I loved having a few drinks with him to every so often. I had no idea he had a terrible drinking problem till he finally began to let his true colors show. I'm not experienced with alcoholics . he works all day comes home and enjoys some beer ,I never saw a problem with that but when it became an 18 pack or more a night I began to realize there was a problem . it took me getting pregnant(I'm 28 weeks now with a girl), to realize he has issues. I got pregnant on BC and we had long discussions on our options with the pregnancy we decided to keep her , he has a previous daughter he raised by himself she is now 19, so I figured we could do this together . his drinking has became really bad .he says mean things , threatens to take our baby from me, fights with me ,leaves me alone and all this has slowly came out to know its just getting worse . I don't know whether to stay or go I love him and he's good when he's sober but he never apologizes and thinks its okay he does whatever he wants . he mentions how him and I have only been together for 10 months as if I don't matter. I'm hurt and confused I sleep on the couch. He doesn't talk to me or apologize. I need him the most right now and he just doesn't get it . I know I can't change him if he doesn't want to be changed but its so hard to give up when we are having a child together. Please give me some advice.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
quickbooksworm
by Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:24 PM
1 mom liked this

My advice is to leave.  You've made a plethora of bad decisions that have led to this.  Cut all ties and don't leave any information where he can get in touch with you.  You can't change him and he can fight for custody if he wants to, and your saying he is an alcoholic is not enough to prevent him from getting unsupervised visitation.  How he treats you is how he will always treat you and how he will treat your child.

Madamenevermore
by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:13 PM
2 moms liked this

Having a kid is not an excuse to stay together or put yourself or kids in danger,my abusive ex was always charming at first or after a huge fight,that's how douche bags work,leave and leave now your kids don't need to be in that situation your unborn child deserves better too,I know it's hard when you're in love and you want to believe that the person still good but trust me it never changes and you're better off focusing on yourself and your children then trying to fix some damaged person who could possibly to abuse physically on you can hurt your baby please see if there's any resources in your town or any friends and family can take you and because it's just not safe.


its not easy leaving,it took me years please trust me and just get away from that man,if he wants to fix his problems let him do it on his own until then your life the babies and your kids matter most.good luck.

Serenity7
by Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:41 PM

 ((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:47 PM

He may have alcoholic dementia. Brain damage from drinking causing him to be violent. If you cannot get him into AA ASAP then you must leave. My sisters husband just passed away from liver failure. She went through a similar thing as to what you described. He ended up almost bleeding to death and then was put on a respirator.  He never recovered and died shortly after. She went through 6 months of sheer hell watching him die. Life is too short. You need to get away if he won't get help. Hugs .

BL2010
by BL on Nov. 24, 2014 at 3:34 PM

Get out! You've only known each other for 10 months and you moved in with him, with yuur kids...

He sounds like a boy that will never grow up.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 6:03 PM
Get out now and just stay away from men and take care of your kids. Pick better men you do decide to date again and take things slow.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 6:03 PM
Yep, this.

Quoting BL2010:

Get out! You've only known each other for 10 months and you moved in with him, with yuur kids...

He sounds like a boy that will never grow up.

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nmkj
by Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 6:05 PM
He should be an alcoholic EX-boyfriend.
GertieK
by Silver Member on Nov. 25, 2014 at 10:28 AM

Good grief, I don't even understand how you are wondering what to do.  Get out.  Get some counseling so you will stop making the same choices over and over.  My guess is, you saw the signs but didn't want to acknowledge them.  Women have GOT to stop making decisions based on feelings, and do the right thing because it is the right thing.  The right thing is not to move your children in with a man you have known for such a short time, and that you are not married to.  Getting pregnant is ALWAYS a possibility, BC or no BC - and women need to consider that every single time they have sex.  They need to really be ok with having a baby with that person - and be confident in his ability to father, be committed, and all of the things that go along with parenthood.  The truth is, that kind of man is not one like the guy you described.  Not even close.  His "methodology" tells me he has become quite skilled at  covering up his "true colors".  He has a serious problem, and you will not be able to fix it or him.  Your first priority are your children, and whether or not they "love" him has nothing to do with anything.  You are the adult and your decisions have to be based on what is best and right, and not on what the kids - or you, for that matter - are feeling.  He sounds like he has no desire to do anything different.  Changes HAVE to be his decision, not yours. 

momof3inct1967
by Member on Nov. 25, 2014 at 10:51 AM
Take your kids and run!
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