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How do you ask Moms if they're SAHM or not?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 29 Replies

I'm asking this because I am trying not to be judgmental or rude.  I'm a mom and I work full time.  In my neighborhood there is a mix of SAHMs and working moms. 

Every time I meet a new mom in the neighborhood, I'd like to ask what they do without it sounding insulting.  I mean if I ask "Do you work?" that seems to imply that being a mom isn't work. 

How do you ask moms if they work without it coming across as insulting or demeaning?

And when someone says they're a SAHM, then it gets awkward because I don't know what to say after that.  I mean, I've read what SAHMs say people say to them - i.e." you're so lucky to be able to stay home" and I don't want to be insulting or condescending like that. 

And NO, I do NOT say things like this to SAHMs, what happens though is I really don't know what to say.  I've never been a SAHM, so I don't know what it's like, I can't relate.  So while I would like to carry on a conversation, I don't know how.


Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:39 AM
are you a sahm ?
cherylw993
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:44 AM
1 mom liked this

You could wait for them to ask you what you do and  after you answer them than just say "how about you?"

I am not sure why it would get awkward if you are friendly.

svolkov
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:46 AM
Just talk to them. I bet it will be brought up after a short time. Not sure why it would be awkward anyways unless you are apt to be rude about it
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:57 AM

That's the thing.  I don't WANT to be rude.  But like I said in my post, I really don't know what to say to SAHMs because I can't relate to them or their problems.

One lady in my neighborhood was complaining because she had to drop her daughter off at school at 7:20 am and said there was a whole hour break before she could drop the other daughter off at daycare at 8:00 am.  She was complaining saying, "What am I going to do for that hour?"  I said "I don't understand what the problem is.  Do you have to be to work before then?"  She said "No, I don't work." 

I was dumbfounded.  She was complaining that she had to deal with one kid for an hour before she could drop her off.  confused

I'm like what's the problem?  Take her to the park for that 40 minutes and spend some time with her!


Quoting svolkov: Just talk to them. I bet it will be brought up after a short time. Not sure why it would be awkward anyways unless you are apt to be rude about it


cherylw993
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:13 AM
1 mom liked this

Well, I am a sahm and I really don't understand what that ladies problem is either.  You are going to connect with some people and not with others.  That has nothing to do with what you do for a living.

svolkov
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:30 AM
Funny. I can relate to mom's who work...single people...dads....foreigners....grandparents.

Sounds more like your view is the problem. Perhaps you should only try to engage in conversation in a work setting with other "like minded" people

Quoting Anonymous 1:

That's the thing.  I don't WANT to be rude.  But like I said in my post, I really don't know what to say to SAHMs because I can't relate to them or their problems.

One lady in my neighborhood was complaining because she had to drop her daughter off at school at 7:20 am and said there was a whole hour break before she could drop the other daughter off at daycare at 8:00 am.  She was complaining saying, "What am I going to do for that hour?"  I said "I don't understand what the problem is.  Do you have to be to work before then?"  She said "No, I don't work." 

I was dumbfounded.  She was complaining that she had to deal with one kid for an hour before she could drop her off.  confused

I'm like what's the problem?  Take her to the park for that 40 minutes and spend some time with her!

Quoting svolkov: Just talk to them. I bet it will be brought up after a short time. Not sure why it would be awkward anyways unless you are apt to be rude about it

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

"Do you work outside the home?" That usually addresses the issue of employment without the implication that being a SAHM isn't work, and if they work from home, allows them the chance to mention that as well.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:59 AM
1 mom liked this

Ugh, saying you relate to all kinds of folks doesn't give me any concrete, specific advice.

I am TRYING to figure out how to relate to people that aren't like me.  What kind of questions to ask them.  What to say when they say they're a SAHM.  But I suppose I should just stay with people that think the same as me and not try to broaden my horizons.  *eye roll*

At least I am trying to change my "view".  Good grief, that's what I get for asking for advice.

Quoting svolkov: Funny. I can relate to mom's who work...single people...dads....foreigners....grandparents. Sounds more like your view is the problem. Perhaps you should only try to engage in conversation in a work setting with other "like minded" people
Quoting Anonymous 1:

That's the thing.  I don't WANT to be rude.  But like I said in my post, I really don't know what to say to SAHMs because I can't relate to them or their problems.

One lady in my neighborhood was complaining because she had to drop her daughter off at school at 7:20 am and said there was a whole hour break before she could drop the other daughter off at daycare at 8:00 am.  She was complaining saying, "What am I going to do for that hour?"  I said "I don't understand what the problem is.  Do you have to be to work before then?"  She said "No, I don't work." 

I was dumbfounded.  She was complaining that she had to deal with one kid for an hour before she could drop her off.  confused

I'm like what's the problem?  Take her to the park for that 40 minutes and spend some time with her!


Quoting svolkov: Just talk to them. I bet it will be brought up after a short time. Not sure why it would be awkward anyways unless you are apt to be rude about it



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 16, 2015 at 11:00 AM

Thanks!  That is a perfect line to use!

Quoting Anonymous 3:

"Do you work outside the home?" That usually addresses the issue of employment without the implication that being a SAHM isn't work, and if they work from home, allows them the chance to mention that as well.


svolkov
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 11:04 AM
Sorry. But I just don't understand how you can struggle with this. Do they read books you like? TV shows? You both have children. Both struggle to keep them happy and healthy. Both women. It shouldn't be such a struggle.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Ugh, saying you relate to all kinds of folks doesn't give me any concrete, specific advice.

I am TRYING to figure out how to relate to people that aren't like me.  What kind of questions to ask them.  What to say when they say they're a SAHM.  But I suppose I should just stay with people that think the same as me and not try to broaden my horizons.  *eye roll*

At least I am trying to change my "view".  Good grief, that's what I get for asking for advice.

Quoting svolkov: Funny. I can relate to mom's who work...single people...dads....foreigners....grandparents.

Sounds more like your view is the problem. Perhaps you should only try to engage in conversation in a work setting with other "like minded" people

Quoting Anonymous 1:

That's the thing.  I don't WANT to be rude.  But like I said in my post, I really don't know what to say to SAHMs because I can't relate to them or their problems.

One lady in my neighborhood was complaining because she had to drop her daughter off at school at 7:20 am and said there was a whole hour break before she could drop the other daughter off at daycare at 8:00 am.  She was complaining saying, "What am I going to do for that hour?"  I said "I don't understand what the problem is.  Do you have to be to work before then?"  She said "No, I don't work." 

I was dumbfounded.  She was complaining that she had to deal with one kid for an hour before she could drop her off.  confused

I'm like what's the problem?  Take her to the park for that 40 minutes and spend some time with her!

Quoting svolkov: Just talk to them. I bet it will be brought up after a short time. Not sure why it would be awkward anyways unless you are apt to be rude about it

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