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Is the "It takes a village" community mindset a thing of the past?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies

 

Poll

Question: In today's world, would you feel comfortable disciplining someone else's kids?

Options:

No, the way they discipline their kids is totally up to them and I have no right to stick my nose in.

Yes, sometimes mama bears gotta stick together and help each other!


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 24

View Results

I had an incident last night where I don't know if I was in the wrong or not. Help me out. I have a good friend I've  known for about 5 years, our kids were in the same kindergarten classroom and that's how we met. Just in the last year or 2 we got a lot closer. I really love her, she's the sweetest person inside and out. Our kids get along great. Her kids though, are a little out of control, and when we get together they are rowdy, which is ok, but her older girl (she's got a boy-10, a girl-8, a boy-just turned 6 yesterday, and a girl-3), anyway her older girl I've noticed is VERY VERY VERRRY stubborn and turns into a screeching whiny flat out RUDE little girl to her mama if she doesn't get her way. Her mom just takes it. She tries to be polite to her kids in public but she usually ends up caving so her girl will be quiet. Well her girl has learned that this is how she gets her way and my older girl (9), has told me that when the kids are together this girl has flat out TOLD them this is how she gets her way. Well last night it was time for them to go and she didn't want to go yet. She started throwing a huge fit, screaming, calling her mom stupid, stomping, fighting.... absolutely appalling behavior in my opinion. I thought I'd help her mom out and at first I was patient and I told her "This is no way to treat your mom. If you want something you say please and thank you if you get it". She pretty much ignored me and kept screaming and yelling and carrying on. She is VERY strong headed and bold. I said it a few more times and she said "NO I AM NOT LEAVING!!! I DON'T WANT TO GO! I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO!!!!" So I finally had it and I got down to her level and barked at her a little bit. I didn't yell, but I was a little louder and FIRM - I was like "HEY! YOU DO NOT TREAT ME AND ESPECIALLY YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!! If you act like that, you do NOT get your way!!" We went back and forth like this for a while. She is VERY stubborn and VERY headstrong. Well when her mom (my dear friend) left we hugged and I told her I was sorry I just couldn't stand to see her being treated like that anymore. She thanked me, and she left and went home. I can't shake this feeling like I've offended her though. I texted her later and FB messaged her, and she is not responding to my messages. I think I hurt her feelings. I don't want her to think that I think she's a bad mother and cannot handle her own children. She is an INCREDIBLE mother but her daughter just really needed to be put in her place so I (probably inappropriately) took it upon myself to do so. I had never done that before. But I'd seen her daughter do this to her several times before and I felt my friend is tired and just needed a little help. 

I'm sorry to be all "High School" about this but I really care about her and hope I didn't mess up our friendship. Was I in the wrong?

UPDATE: she just messaged me back. (finally). We're cool. I love this friend. But I'm still curious about your opinions. I'm adding a poll. Aaand GO

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 5, 2017 at 1:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 5, 2017 at 3:46 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 5, 2017 at 3:51 PM
1 mom liked this
I think in this instance it was ok. You are friends... Ive had my friends put my kids(esp dd) in their place bc they thought to test bounderies in public. When my friend got onto them they looked at me for help. I just told them to listen to me better next time.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 6, 2017 at 7:05 AM

Usually, I say stay out of it, but in this case, I would have been a bit more stern than you were. Personally, I'd tell her until she got control of her kid (and tell her what your children have told you about her doing this to get her way) I don't want to socialize with them. IF I did go anywhere, I'd take my own car and leave her and the little brat.

TowerWife
by Member on Nov. 6, 2017 at 7:49 AM
I'm a firm believer in it takes a village. I have no problem speaking up to friends children when they are misbehaving. But honestly I think it's a thing of the past.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 6, 2017 at 5:21 PM
A village.

We are a group of friends from when the kids were 2 yo and all of us can put all children in their place.
Thewife06
by on Nov. 6, 2017 at 5:28 PM
1 mom liked this
It takes a damn village. If I see any mom who is clearly just at the end of her rope and a kid being a little shit, I always go 'Hey! Look at your poor mommy. Doesn't she look sad/tired/upset? I know you are too. Why don't you just there and look at all the awesome stuff in your cart quietly while your mom finishes up shopping, ok?'

Nobody has ever said anything other than 'thank you.'
roseofmyheart85
by on Nov. 7, 2017 at 7:03 PM

I am glad you felt comfortable enough to help and support your friend.  Has she ever asked you for advice or if you have ever experienced this before?  Take Care and God Bless!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 8, 2017 at 6:55 AM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't tolerate that behavior in my house no matter whose kid it was. My friend has two girls and she expets them to behave and listen to me when they're over here, but wouldn't be upset if I had to correct them. I think kids need to know proper behavior is expected everywhere, to everyone and if a parents is letting their kid get away with poor behavior that's doing them a disservice. I wouldn't step in unless it affected me or my dd in some way, though, like if it was in my house or I was babysitting or they were being some kind of inappropriate way with my dd.
jws120567
by Bronze Member on Nov. 8, 2017 at 8:15 AM
1 mom liked this

I've had to lay down the law to other people's kids when I was working, and I still step in to a degree.  We were at IHOP for breakfast on Sunday, and this poor woman (with a black eye) was trying to calm her whiny toddler, and the kid was pretty headstrong.  I was explaining to the kid that her mom gave her the only choice she was going to get, so she might as well go along with it.  My husband was trying to hush me, but I wasn't being mean, just trying to distract the kid from what was going to turn into a tantrum.

smorgan865
by Member on Nov. 8, 2017 at 9:42 AM
1 mom liked this
Unfortunately I think it is becoming a thing of the past, but I’m sad to see it go.

Everyone is so self centered and we as a whole are losing our compassion for humankind. I see it in the mentality people have in the US. Especially those against universal healthcare.

We should be standing together, not pushing each other apart.
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