Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is the "It takes a village" community mindset a thing of the past?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: In today's world, would you feel comfortable disciplining someone else's kids?

Options:

No, the way they discipline their kids is totally up to them and I have no right to stick my nose in.

Yes, sometimes mama bears gotta stick together and help each other!


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 24

View Results

I had an incident last night where I don't know if I was in the wrong or not. Help me out. I have a good friend I've  known for about 5 years, our kids were in the same kindergarten classroom and that's how we met. Just in the last year or 2 we got a lot closer. I really love her, she's the sweetest person inside and out. Our kids get along great. Her kids though, are a little out of control, and when we get together they are rowdy, which is ok, but her older girl (she's got a boy-10, a girl-8, a boy-just turned 6 yesterday, and a girl-3), anyway her older girl I've noticed is VERY VERY VERRRY stubborn and turns into a screeching whiny flat out RUDE little girl to her mama if she doesn't get her way. Her mom just takes it. She tries to be polite to her kids in public but she usually ends up caving so her girl will be quiet. Well her girl has learned that this is how she gets her way and my older girl (9), has told me that when the kids are together this girl has flat out TOLD them this is how she gets her way. Well last night it was time for them to go and she didn't want to go yet. She started throwing a huge fit, screaming, calling her mom stupid, stomping, fighting.... absolutely appalling behavior in my opinion. I thought I'd help her mom out and at first I was patient and I told her "This is no way to treat your mom. If you want something you say please and thank you if you get it". She pretty much ignored me and kept screaming and yelling and carrying on. She is VERY strong headed and bold. I said it a few more times and she said "NO I AM NOT LEAVING!!! I DON'T WANT TO GO! I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO!!!!" So I finally had it and I got down to her level and barked at her a little bit. I didn't yell, but I was a little louder and FIRM - I was like "HEY! YOU DO NOT TREAT ME AND ESPECIALLY YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!! If you act like that, you do NOT get your way!!" We went back and forth like this for a while. She is VERY stubborn and VERY headstrong. Well when her mom (my dear friend) left we hugged and I told her I was sorry I just couldn't stand to see her being treated like that anymore. She thanked me, and she left and went home. I can't shake this feeling like I've offended her though. I texted her later and FB messaged her, and she is not responding to my messages. I think I hurt her feelings. I don't want her to think that I think she's a bad mother and cannot handle her own children. She is an INCREDIBLE mother but her daughter just really needed to be put in her place so I (probably inappropriately) took it upon myself to do so. I had never done that before. But I'd seen her daughter do this to her several times before and I felt my friend is tired and just needed a little help. 

I'm sorry to be all "High School" about this but I really care about her and hope I didn't mess up our friendship. Was I in the wrong?

UPDATE: she just messaged me back. (finally). We're cool. I love this friend. But I'm still curious about your opinions. I'm adding a poll. Aaand GO

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 5, 2017 at 1:39 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Nov. 8, 2017 at 10:33 AM
1 mom liked this

I think I would have talked to the mother in private first and ask if I can correct her daughter in someway in order to help her out before overstepping her parental rights. Especially since it's in your home and not in public place but outside your home is another story.

nanny1918
by Member on Nov. 8, 2017 at 3:08 PM
Village
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Nov. 8, 2017 at 7:59 PM

Mobile Photo

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Nov. 9, 2017 at 1:10 PM

I say yes.  I was fine with others disciplining my kids but now days many new wave parents do not want anyone to say a thing to their kid no matter how much of a brat or whatever they are doing.  

boymommy3
by on Nov. 16, 2017 at 9:10 AM
It wasn't your business. I'm the mom I discipline my child . You have your kids you do what you do with them. You're not the mom to my child to say anything to him. You don't argue with a child or go back and forth with them you're the adult. Stay out of it and in your lane.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

I had an incident last night where I don't know if I was in the wrong or not. Help me out. I have a good friend I've  known for about 5 years, our kids were in the same kindergarten classroom and that's how we met. Just in the last year or 2 we got a lot closer. I really love her, she's the sweetest person inside and out. Our kids get along great. Her kids though, are a little out of control, and when we get together they are rowdy, which is ok, but her older girl (she's got a boy-10, a girl-8, a boy-just turned 6 yesterday, and a girl-3), anyway her older girl I've noticed is VERY VERY VERRRY stubborn and turns into a screeching whiny flat out RUDE little girl to her mama if she doesn't get her way. Her mom just takes it. She tries to be polite to her kids in public but she usually ends up caving so her girl will be quiet. Well her girl has learned that this is how she gets her way and my older girl (9), has told me that when the kids are together this girl has flat out TOLD them this is how she gets her way. Well last night it was time for them to go and she didn't want to go yet. She started throwing a huge fit, screaming, calling her mom stupid, stomping, fighting.... absolutely appalling behavior in my opinion. I thought I'd help her mom out and at first I was patient and I told her "This is no way to treat your mom. If you want something you say please and thank you if you get it". She pretty much ignored me and kept screaming and yelling and carrying on. She is VERY strong headed and bold. I said it a few more times and she said "NO I AM NOT LEAVING!!! I DON'T WANT TO GO! I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO!!!!" So I finally had it and I got down to her level and barked at her a little bit. I didn't yell, but I was a little louder and FIRM - I was like "HEY! YOU DO NOT TREAT ME AND ESPECIALLY YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!! If you act like that, you do NOT get your way!!" We went back and forth like this for a while. She is VERY stubborn and VERY headstrong. Well when her mom (my dear friend) left we hugged and I told her I was sorry I just couldn't stand to see her being treated like that anymore. She thanked me, and she left and went home. I can't shake this feeling like I've offended her though. I texted her later and FB messaged her, and she is not responding to my messages. I think I hurt her feelings. I don't want her to think that I think she's a bad mother and cannot handle her own children. She is an INCREDIBLE mother but her daughter just really needed to be put in her place so I (probably inappropriately) took it upon myself to do so. I had never done that before. But I'd seen her daughter do this to her several times before and I felt my friend is tired and just needed a little help. I'm sorry to be all "High School" about this but I really care about her and hope I didn't mess up our friendship. Was I in the wrong?UPDATE: she just messaged me back. (finally). We're cool. I love this friend. But I'm still curious about your opinions. I'm adding a poll. Aaand GO

Meowmuffin
by Member on Nov. 16, 2017 at 9:39 PM

I think people can take their village and shove it up their ass! 

midjet117
by Member on Nov. 24, 2017 at 9:35 PM

I probably would have done the same exact thing. I have an 8 year old niece who still throws fits when it's time to go. It's primarily to get her way, which around family it does NOT fly. Well my husband at least. Our youngest is 8 and if she were to throw a fit, she would be in big big trouble. I also work at an elementary school and I'm constantly correcting other peoples children when they are at school. 

JamstAr08
by New Member on Nov. 25, 2017 at 10:14 AM
1 mom liked this

I love that you did this <3.  It is so hard when you have stubborn, headstrong kids.  I have 2 boys who are very headstrong, strong willed all that stuff lol.  I had a similar thing happen to me a few months ago and the lady that stepped in to help me made me cry almost lol.  We were at Disney and we had sat down to get some lunch and I picked the table way in the back away from the crowd bc my boys were being insane.  Dad went inside to get us food and the boys were just being crazy.  I was at my wits end and people were staring as I tried to calm them.  This very sweet lady who was getting up to leave with her family came over to me, put her hand on my shoulder and looked at me and she said, "Breathe Momma it will be ok."  She then looked at my boys and told them very sweetly to stop giving their Mommy such a hard time.  She winked at me and gave my shoulder a pat, smiled at me and told me I was doing a great job and that raising boys was hard she had been there.  My eyes teared up and I told her thank you and she left.  She was an angel I swear.  The boys behaved for me until Dad got to us.

Quoting jws120567:

I've had to lay down the law to other people's kids when I was working, and I still step in to a degree.  We were at IHOP for breakfast on Sunday, and this poor woman (with a black eye) was trying to calm her whiny toddler, and the kid was pretty headstrong.  I was explaining to the kid that her mom gave her the only choice she was going to get, so she might as well go along with it.  My husband was trying to hush me, but I wasn't being mean, just trying to distract the kid from what was going to turn into a tantrum.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Nov. 27, 2017 at 5:24 AM
Quoting smorgan865: Unfortunately I think it is becoming a thing of the past, but I’m sad to see it go.

Everyone is so self centered and we as a whole are losing our compassion for humankind. I see it in the mentality people have in the US. Especially those against universal healthcare.

We should be standing together, not pushing each other apart.


I am all for universal healthcare as long as every working person pays for it not just a chosen few. Taxes are super high in countries that have it. Payroll and sales taxes.
momof337
by Stephanie on Dec. 5, 2017 at 4:07 PM
You did right,I cannot stand it when kids are disrespectfully to their mothers
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)