Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I’m so lost😔

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies
I already know what some will say but I’m still interested in hearing what others will say about this. And I expect the typical bashing responses so really if you have anything at all better to do than save the nastiness for someone else because I’ve heard it all already.

This will be long:
About 2 years ago I cheated on my husband. I know I’m horrible, save it. He forgave me and we are still together. We had a baby since then. We are doing ok and I do have love for him but I am unhappy and I started thinking about that. I feel like I’ve been unhappy for a very long time, I mean happily married people don’t just cheat on each other right? Isn’t the person you are married to supposed to make you want to be a better person, to bring out the very best in you? OR, do some of you chalk that up to a very poor decision and that you can still love someone you hurt and go on to make it work?
Then there is my family, he holds a few members who knew and didn’t say anything a little responsible and does not care for them anymore. Now I am having to keep them completely separate. I can’t talk on the phone to them in front of him, I don’t visit them for fear it will cause great tension in my home. My kids are missing out on being in their lives, my niece just had a baby and I can’t even talk to my husband about anything going on with my family because he doesn’t like them.
I know I need to do something and talk with my husband about this because it’s causing me great depression but I am waiting because I am not going to ruin the holidays for him. It will be our baby’s first xmas and I’m not going to mess that up or his first bday in a few months. So I’m just living here miserable, partly thinking I deserve it and partly thinking yes, I fucked up but I’m not going to pay for it for the rest of my life. I NEED my family. Maybe more than my husband. That’s a very sad thing to realize. I just wish he could have just blamed me, I’m the one who made the choice, not them.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 6, 2017 at 8:08 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on Dec. 6, 2017 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this
You make yourself want to be your best . You make yourself find happiness No one else can do that. You 2 are supposed to be a couple a partnership, you both should be supporting each other's needs. From what you say I think you could benefit from couples counseling.
momof337
by Stephanie on Dec. 6, 2017 at 8:22 AM
I would say try counseling.I think if some relatives knew and didn't say anything...could be 1) didn't want to butt in
2)none of their business
3)not their place
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 6, 2017 at 8:24 AM
I totally agree but what I’m saying is shouldn’t your partner inspire you to want to be even better, not worse? I should be doing that for him and vice versa. I don’t think we do that for each other

Quoting lucky2Beeme: You make yourself want to be your best . You make yourself find happiness No one else can do that. You 2 are supposed to be a couple a partnership, you both should be supporting each other's needs. From what you say I think you could benefit from couples counseling.
lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on Dec. 6, 2017 at 1:20 PM

YES absolutely you both should want to be the best person for each other, yourself and your children. You should help each other do that. If you arent sit down and have a heart to heart figuring out IF you both want the same things, can compromise to get them and come up with a plan to do it.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I totally agree but what I’m saying is shouldn’t your partner inspire you to want to be even better, not worse? I should be doing that for him and vice versa. I don’t think we do that for each other
Quoting lucky2Beeme: You make yourself want to be your best . You make yourself find happiness No one else can do that. You 2 are supposed to be a couple a partnership, you both should be supporting each other's needs. From what you say I think you could benefit from couples counseling.


lovingladyo4
by New Member on Dec. 6, 2017 at 5:10 PM

I don't believe your husband or anyone has the power or authority to keep you distant from your own family. Sounds like the problem is his and not yours. A talk is desperately needed. There is something about this that makes him uncomfortable and it's best to get to the bottom of it before the problem escalates. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 6, 2017 at 5:47 PM
He blames them, well says they influenced me into cheating. I assure you they did not because I already was knee deep into it before I ever told anyone. They just didn’t say anything to him because they always have my back no matter what.

Quoting lovingladyo4:

I don't believe your husband or anyone has the power or authority to keep you distant from your own family. Sound like the problem is his and not yours. A talk is desperately needed. There is something about this that makes him uncomfortable and it's best to get to the bottom of it before the problem escalates. 

lovingladyo4
by New Member on Dec. 6, 2017 at 6:08 PM

So he prefers to believe a lie and accuse them unnecessarily than to believe you???? That is really a sad state of mind for someone to stay trapped in. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: He blames them, well says they influenced me into cheating. I assure you they did not because I already was knee deep into it before I ever told anyone. They just didn’t say anything to him because they always have my back no matter what.
Quoting lovingladyo4:

I don't believe your husband or anyone has the power or authority to keep you distant from your own family. Sound like the problem is his and not yours. A talk is desperately needed. There is something about this that makes him uncomfortable and it's best to get to the bottom of it before the problem escalates. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 7, 2017 at 7:31 AM

Cheating happens for different reasons, very very few due to the inadaquacy of one's partner. You're beating yourself up over this. For your DH to blame your family for - yeah, minding their own business, only worsens the problem. The two of you need counseling. 

Boogiefly
by Member on Dec. 7, 2017 at 8:44 AM

 I will say this to you....I think he needs more time. I wpuld have a talk with him after the holidaya and reiterate that your family isn't to blame and they felt it wasn't their biz to tell him. Also I do think counseling would help but i think aa good discussion is needed about your feelings. And people do cheat for many reasons but you need to think about why and if itnis because unhappiness then tell him that so that together you can make both of you happy, or else, it is not going to work out. After this, you all need to forgive yourself and each other and move on. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2017 at 10:07 AM
I really appreciate this and all the replies. I’m sure some of you want to tell me how awful I am, maybe, but you didn’t. Thank you

Quoting Boogiefly:

 I will say this to you....I think he needs more time. I wpuld have a talk with him after the holidaya and reiterate that your family isn't to blame and they felt it wasn't their biz to tell him. Also I do think counseling would help but i think aa good discussion is needed about your feelings. And people do cheat for many reasons but you need to think about why and if itnis because unhappiness then tell him that so that together you can make both of you happy, or else, it is not going to work out. After this, you all need to forgive yourself and each other and move on. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)